If you know Carlos Whittaker, you love him. I have long admired his work in the world. He is honest, brave, vulnerable and simply loves walking with people. I find myself frustrated with the evangelical world when I see such divisiveness around tough topics and a dogmatic stance on every issue. Carlos encourages us that it’s possible to hold your belief and disagree with others in a way that draws people in. 
 My favorite part is when we talk about his approach to parenting. His desire is that we have more conversations of hope than conversations of despair. This was a good caution for all of us - as we see so much in our culture that causes stress and worry.  In this episode, we also discuss:How to walk with people not stand on issues How to raise less self-righteous kids that really see peopleHow to model kindness and create empathy in our kidsHow to raise little world changers
 Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo 
 Resources from today’s show: Carlos’ Instagram Get Your Hope Up - Carlos’ new devotional for kids Learn more about WinShape Camps!

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How to raise world changers with Carlos Whittaker

As parents, we know raising kids is the opposite of neat and tidy. Each day brings wins, losses and valuable lessons. Pardon the Mess is a place where we discuss parenting and faith in a biblical, approachable and relatable way. We may cry and laugh while we learn and grow together in our beautiful mess. Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual advice to help you grow into the parent you want to be visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Kids & Family

Parenting

Comedian Michael Jr went from living in his car to one of the most influential and talented comedians in the country. In fact, he used to open the show for Jerry Seinfeld and went on to headline his own shows. He is now sharing the stage with his wife, Ebony, as they focus on strengthening marriages across the country. 
 This engaging couple shares many great pieces of wisdom and insight during our episode, but I really enjoyed how they speak about conflict. It’s so easy to avoid conflict at all costs. They encourage us to utilize conflict for the greatness of marriage  
 My favorite part (or least favorite) was when Michael Jr. asked me to share honestly about a recent disagreement I had with Ron. He went through the list of the fruit of the Spirit to see how I was handling a specific situation. And I bombed his test. It was embarrassing, but really challenged me on how I handle conflict. I love their hearts for marriage. They have a passion to remind couples that marriage is GOOD and it does work. 
 In this episode, we discuss:How easy it is to drift in marriage when kids are in the homeHow to keep your marriage a priority and intentionally connectHow to utilize conflict instead of avoiding it
 Chapters 00:00 Introduction and Family Background 04:04 Letting Go and Trusting God with Our Children 08:54 Faith as a Consistent and Visible Part of Family Life 23:53 Merging Talents to Help Couples Find Joy in Marriage 29:19 Revealing Areas of Freedom Through Conflict 
 Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo 
 Resources from today’s show: Funny How Marriage Works Assessment for your conflict resolution  Emotions Wheel Funny How Marriage Works Tour

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How to utilize (not avoid) conflict in your marriage with Michael Jr. and Ebony Wright

Happy almost Summer!! I am delighted to share the story of Sarah Harmeyer and her love for gathering neighbors. You will be so fascinated by her story of creating a table and setting out to have people over. Over time, she hosted thousands of people just one night at a time. She absolutely inspired me to get back out there and invite folks to my home.  
 You will be inspired and motivated and so very touched how God used Sarah’s life to start a movement called “Neighbor’s Table.” He took a nudge in her heart and kept expanding it across the country. 
 My favorite part was at the end when we talked about her current living situation with her aging father. She is so tender and so gracious with his walk with Alzheimers. I pray that I handle my own parents with such care and compassion one day. 
 In this episode we chat about: How a simple dinner party created a movementWhy your neighbors need community What an invitation can do for an individualHow we can preach less and simply love moreHow to care for aging parents with compassion
 Chapters00:00 Introduction and Catching Up 10:01 Stories of Love and Connection Around the Table 22:59 Building Relationships with New Neighbors and Introducing Sarah's Dad 27:02 Caring for Aging Parents with Love and Compassion 30:53 Closing Remarks and Action Items 
 
 Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo 
 Resources from today’s show: 
 Sarah’s Instagram 
 Neighbor’s Table 
 Invite Sarah to Speak 
 Table Talk Questions - source Close To My Heart 
 Kindness Diaries with Leon 
 Leon Logothetis 
 God’s Holy Spirit in Me kid’s devotional 


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How to gather neighbors and love people well with Sarah Harmeyer

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” —Matthew 28:19–20   We’ve spent this school year praying for our kids to be marked by the things of God. We’ve prayed that they live with integrity, confidence, generosity, endurance, and much more. But these are nothing more than admirable qualities if they aren’t used for God’s kingdom purposes.   Before Jesus ascended to heaven, he gave us our mission. He told us to go and make disciples, sharing the story of his grace and love.   The Great Commission is our central mission. The same is true for our kids.   We’re God’s Plan A for spreading the gospel. There’s no backup plan, there’s no contingency, and there’s nobody else to tag in for our spot.   But it all starts at home. It happens in the seemingly insignificant moments of reading Bible stories to our toddlers and the really hard places of pointing them to Jesus on the heels of their biggest mistakes and greatest obstacles.   Please let us never underestimate the significance of our jobs as moms and dads, discipling our kids to share the gospel to the next generation.   Let’s wrap up this school year by praying that our kids will be marked by the mission of Jesus, doing it with truth, discipline, purity, and every other characteristic of God we’ve prayed over them this year.   Lord, thank you for the gift of my children and the privilege of praying over them this school year. Please mark their lives with a determination to fulfill the mission you created for them before they were ever born. Give [name] the wisdom to pursue you every day and a spirit of urgency in following your plans for their life.  
 God’s word speaks: 1 Peter 2:9; Mark 16:15; 1 Peter 3:15; Ecclesiastes 12:13–14 


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BONUS: Marked by Mission

When our children hurt (emotionally or physically), we simply hurt. One of the hardest jobs as a parent is to discern when to step in and when to let them live through hard seasons. I am so thrilled to introduce you to my very own therapist, Dr. Cassie Reid.  
 Cassie has counseled me and my own children through many seasons. It’s taken me years to find a good fit and I am beyond thankful for her wisdom and direction for our family. It is not always clear if our kids are just being kids - or if they are really struggling internally.  
 Listen in as Cassie and I chat about the challenges that come our way as parents. She shares many practical recommendations for us parents.  
 My favorite part is when she talks about the expectations we have for our kids. She challenges us to look inward and really work on ourselves and our own healing journey. She shares how our unrealistic expectations can start to produce extra pressure and anxiety and how to look out for that scenario in our homes.  
 In this episode we chat about: When to see a therapist or counselorWhy counseling is so important for families Two pieces of advice for parents that she wishes we all knew
 Chapters: 00:00 Introduction and Personal Connection 01:36 Dr. Cassie Reed's Background and Passion 08:35 Recognizing the Need for Professional Help 10:06 Finding Affordable Therapy Options 12:55 The Impact of Parental Anxiety on Children 14:36 Setting Boundaries and Recognizing Age-Appropriate Behavior 22:26 Setting Boundaries and Creating Space for Children 23:49 Managing Expectations and Apologizing to Children 26:19 The Impact of Technology on Children's Mental Health 27:10 Navigating Issues of Gender and Sexual Preferences as Christian Parents 29:04 Dr. Cassie Reid's Work in Spiritual Abuse Prevention and Healing 
 Connect with Pardon The Mess: Christian Parenting Pardon The Mess  Courtney DeFeo 
 Resources from today’s show: 
 CassieReid.com 
 Cassie’s Instagram 
 Church Rehab by Dr. Cassie Reid 
 Come Home 
 God’s Holy Spirit in Me kid’s devotional 
 My Daddy’s Hero

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Does my child need a therapist? Navigating anxiety with our kids with Dr. Cassie Reid

“Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the Lord has helped us.’” —1 Samuel 7:12 The Israelites were in desperate need of a victory against the Philistines. Just as they were convincing themselves it was a lost cause, Samuel cried out to God and received an answer in the form of deafening thunder that scared away the enemy and secured an Israelite victory. Orthodox battle move? No. God protecting his people? Absolutely. No sooner than they finished their victory lap, Samuel stopped everyone in their tracks to make a critical point. He grabbed a stone as a memorial and named it Ebenezer, translated as “the Lord has helped us to this point.” Samuel knew their battle win was significant from a tactical perspective, but he also knew the more significant win was the reminder that God had protected them in the past and he’d just done it again. Our kids need the same reminder today that Samuel gave way back then: The God who has taken care of us up to this point will do it again. He is faithful and trustworthy.  What are the Ebenezers in your family? Where do you need to start laying down stones as reminders to your family that God’s faithfulness in the past shows he’s trustworthy for the future?   Lord, remind us to always pass down the stories of your faithfulness. Mark [name] with a good memory of your provision, giving them confidence to trust your heart when they can’t see your hand. Help us to celebrate the places where you’ve given us victory, making a lasting memorial of your faithfulness for generations to come.   God’s word speaks: Deuteronomy 7:9; 2 Thessalonians 3:3; Lamentations 3:22–23; Psalm 86:15 


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How to raise world changers with Carlos Whittaker

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