A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot and starts to question whether Hilbert is curing the disease or causing it. Plus, medicinal lozenges, morbilliform, the full Nick Riviera, swollen glands, and looking on the bright, sunshiny side.
 
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Episode 5: Cigarette Candy

Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light years from Earth. His only company on board the station are stern mission chief Minkowski, insane science officer Hilbert, and Hephaestus Station's sentient, often malfunctioning operating system Hera. He doesn't have much to do for his job other than monitoring static and intercepting the occasional decades-old radio broadcast from Earth, so he spends most of his time creating extensive audio logs about the ordinary, day-to-day happenings within the station. But the Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that. Wolf 359 is a radio drama in the tradition of Golden Age of Radio shows. Take one part space-faring adventure, add one part character drama, and mix in one part absurdist sitcom, and you get Wolf 359.

Science Fiction

Fiction

Comedy Fiction

Want to write great fiction podcasts but don't know where to begin? You're not alone! Wolf 359 creator Gabriel Urbina is offering a new and updated version of his acclaimed online workshop, Writing Stories For Sound this February. Join Gabriel on a guided tour of his own journey into understanding audio, as he retraces his steps and revisits the questions he asked as he was taking his first baby steps into the medium with the first episodes of Wolf 359.
He's teaching the workshop twice this month - once on Thursday February 22nd at 7:00 PM Eastern time and once on Sunday February 25th at 2:00 PM Eastern time!
For more information or to sign up, please visit wolf359.fm/learn.
* * *
TRANSCRIPT OF TODAY'S MESSAGE:
(sounds of Eiffel fidgeting, while tense, dramatic music plays)
Eiffel: Come on come on come on... where is he? Doctor...
(door opens)
Eiffel: Ah, Doctor Hilbert! Thank goodness, there you are! I need help. 
Hilbert: Officer Eiffel. What seems to be the problem?
Eiffel: I - I don’t know. I feel like nothing I do sounds the way it ought to. The funny parts aren’t funny. The exciting parts aren’t exciting. It’s like I’ve lost the script on my whole life. 
Hilbert: I see. Do not be worried, Officer Eiffel. Problem is serious but there is simple solution. 
Eiffel: Is the great clown Pagliacci in town?
Hilbert: Even better.
(music abruptly changes, replaced by a more playful melody)
Hilbert: Podcast creator Gabriel Urbina is offering online workshop on how to write the great audio fiction. 
Eiffel: He is?
Hilbert: He is. Is comprehensive journey through the building blocks of gripping podcast stories. 
Eiffel: Does it cover the basics of how to write scenes without any visuals?
Hilbert: Absolutely. But it goes beyond that. It explains how audio fiction can do things no other medium does, such as making the audience imagine visuals that cannot be seen. 
Eiffel: You mean like that weird room in the back of the station, where the walls are painted a color that’s darker than black? 
Hilbert: Precisely. Or the way you can introduce a new detail into scene and completely change audience’s understanding of what was happening. 
Eiffel: Oh! Is that why you’re dressed up as a Teletubby? To illustrate that concept?
Hilbert: Uh... no. I am wearing this for... my own purposes. Do not ask any more questions about the outfit. 
Eiffel: I am not going to ask any more questions about the outfit. Well, Doc, I have to say I’m sold. 
(a laminated card is placed on the table)
Eiffel: Will my insurance cover this?
Hilbert: Eiffel, you know very well that Goddard Futuristics does not offer health insurance to independent contractors such as yourself.
Eiffel: Awww man...
Hilbert: This is Dave and Busters gift card. 
Eiffel: But it's still valid! 
Hilbert: But: more good news. There are scholarship opportunities available for students and others who need them. Visit website for more information. 
Eiffel: (leaving) Amazing. Doc, this sounds exactly like what I needed. How can I repay you? 
Hilbert: No need, happy to be of assistance. (lower) Besides, genetic materials nanobots collected while you were in laboratory will be perfectly adequate display of gratitude. 
Eiffel: What was that, doc?
Hilbert: Nothing, Officer Eiffel, nothing! Enjoy the class!
(music changes again, replaced with a bouncy, happy theme)
Old-Timey Radio Announcer Voice: Writing Stories For Sound, a workshop by Gabriel Urbina. Seats are now open for sessions on February 22nd and 25th. Visit wolf359.fm/learn for more info and to secure your seat today!
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Eiffel and Hilbert Present: Writing Stories For Sound with Gabriel Urbina

Merry Christmas, and Happy 4-Year Anniversary to the finale of Wolf 359! To celebrate, Commander Emma Sherr-Ziarko gathered (most) of the cast and crew of the show for a reunion on her own podcast, Pairing, and we wanted to bring it directly to all of you. We reminisce about our favorite memories of making this show, what episodes we loved most, and we discuss what we think our characters would drink. Plus: Noah's slates, Zach Valenti breaking into song, recording at Spaceman, building and living in a character, Hilbert's commercial reads, forgetting episode titles, Horse Wines, predicting the future, Alan's track titles, Gabriel the master synthesizer, How Could Dare You, and, of course, Funzo.
This episode features: Julian Silver, Scotty Shoemaker, Zach Valenti, Ariela Rotengold, Noah Masur, Michelle Agresti, Sarah Shachat, Zach Libresco, Michaela Swee, Cecilia Lynn-Jacobs, Alan Rodi, and Gabriel Urbina. It also features music by Alan Rodi.
Special thanks to Zach Valenti for helping edit this episode! Zach is doing a Wolf 359 re-listen starting December 25th, 2021, at 3:59pm EST. Join him at wolf359.fm/relisten!
Check out more of Pairing - including many episodes featuring members of the Wolf 359 cast and crew as guests - at the show's website! 
If you would like to access an ad-free feed of Wolf 359, check out the newly relaunched Wolf 359 patreon.
Emma humbly asks that you sign up for the pre-launch of Moira Katson's new book, A Sundered Throne, which Emma is on deck to narrate if we raise enough money from the kickstarter. It's free to sign up, and you get a sneak peek of the first 8 chapters!
You can also find Emma as an acting coach on SkillsHub, a website founded by another commander (Jennifer Hale). Check out her website and patreon for more info on what she's up to!
If you enjoy Pairing, follow us on social media and tell your friends! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, & Tumblr!
Pairing was created, hosted, and produced by Emma Sherr-Ziarko, with music and audio recording by Winston Shaw, and artwork by Darcy Zimmerman and Katie Huey. This episode was edited by Emma Sherr-Ziarko and Zach Valenti.
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The Wolf 359 Reunion Episode of Pairing Podcast

We finally broke through the last of our technical hiccups, friends, and could not be more excited to share with you the brand new(/old) Wolf 359 Ad-Free feed. To access the whole run of the show without ads, head on over to wolf359.fm/support. Or just keep listening to the show on your podcatcher of choice. We're not the boss of you.    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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The Wolf 359 Ad-Free Feed Is Live!

This is a behind-the-scenes look into the making of the final episode of Wolf 359, produced by Rebecca Seidel. Featuring interviews with its cast and crew, and never-before-heard audio from the studio recording sessions for Brave New World.
Note: This special behind-the-scenes extra contains spoilers for Episode 61, Brave New World.
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Making the Final Episode

New to Wolf 359? Don't know where you should start listening? Here's the orientation you need for your deep space adventure: how to get started, what to look out for, and how to get the best Wolf 359 experience.
For a text version of this guide, please visit www.wolf359.fm/starter-guide
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Episode 5: Cigarette Candy

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