No one wants to feel like a sucker. In fact, the very thought of being one – of playing the fool – shapes our behavior in powerful ways.

But what if our fear causes us to make choices that aren’t good for us? Or worse, what if people weaponize our fear in order to dominate or disempower us?

Tess Wilkinson-Ryan has written a stunning book on the topic called, Fool Proof: How Fear of Playing the Sucker Shapes Our Selves and the Social Order and What We Can Do about It. A psychologist and law professor, Tess helps us understand what this fear is, why we have it, and how it plays out in law, politics, and everyday life. She also shares how to overcome it and make the decisions that are aligned with our goals.

It’s a book you’ll keep thinking about long after you’ve read it.

Episode Links

Breach is for Suckers

Transferring Trust: Reciprocity of Norms and Assignment of Contract

Moral Judgment and Moral Heuristics in Breach of Contract

Njinga of Angola: Africa’s Warrior Queen by Linda Heywood

The Team

Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.

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CM 236: Tess Wilkinson-Ryan on When to Play the Fool

Want to get better at work? At managing others? Managing yourself? Gayle Allen interviews experts who take your performance to the next level. Each episode features a book with insights to help you achieve your goals.

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Management

There are many good reasons to look to others. For example, you might need expert advice or feedback to improve your performance. But there’s one reason not to, and, that is, to determine your self-worth.

When you look to someone else to define you or tell you how to live your life, you lose a lot. And if you find it hard to believe you’d ever let someone else influence you in those ways, you’d be surprised.

Michael Gervais is a high-performance psychologist who’s worked with elite athletes, artists, and leaders. Through his work, he’s learned that one of the biggest obstacles standing in their way is fear of other people’s opinions. And he’s seen just how crippling those fears can be. That’s why he’s written the book, The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying about What People Think of You.

In talking to Michael, I learned how our biology sets us up to place a lot of weight on other people’s opinions. I also learned how social media is designed to reinforce that fear. Fortunately, Michael shared insights on what to do. I walked away feeling empowered.

Episode Links

Stop Basing Your Self-Worth on Other People’s Opinions

Free Your People from the Need for Social Approval

Build a Great Team on a Relationship-Based Culture, Not the Myth of Family

Interview with Jonathan Rhodes on Getting the Life You Want

The Team

Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.

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CM 267: Michael Gervais on Overcoming Our Biggest Fear

We’re surrounded by people with knowledge. The manager who can provide expert feedback or the colleague who has important information. These kinds of insights can help us achieve our goals.

Yet as much as we need that knowledge, we often don’t act in ways that invite it. 

It’s when the project runs behind or we can’t make our numbers that we realize, often too late, that asking sooner could have made all the difference. 

These are the results Jeff Wetzler can help us avoid. His book, Ask: Tap into the Hidden Wisdom of People around You for Unexpected Breakthroughs in Leadership and Life, is a call to arms for regularly making asks that elicit the insights we need. His strategies are important for individuals, teams, and organizations.

Episode Links

How to Get the Honest Input You Need from Your Employees

What Happens When You’re Blindsided at Work?

Why We Don’t Raise Tough Issues and How to Get Better at It

Interview with Anh Dao Pham on How to Succeed as a Project Leader

The Team

Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.

Support the Podcast

If you like the show, please rate and review it on iTunes or wherever you subscribe, and tell a friend or family member about the show.

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CM 266: Jeff Wetzler on Deepening Connections

We all want to be happy. In fact, it’s our desire for happiness that drives most of our decisions, like our friendships, our activities, even our purchases. 

Yet, over time, we find that the things that made us so happy at the start – that new car or delicious meal – end up losing their luster. 

I was curious about why this happens and what, if anything, we can do about it. That’s why I wanted to talk to Tali Sharot, cognitive neuroscientist, professor at University College London and MIT, and director of the Affective Brain Lab. In her latest book, Look Again: The Power of Noticing What Was Always There, she explains why the things that once made us happy no longer do. She also shares what we can do about it.

Episode Links

The Big Idea: This Simple Behavioural Trick Can Help You Get More out of Life

Your Life is Better Than You Think

Why People Fail to Notice Horrors around Them

David Robson on How Our Expectations Shape Us (Interview)

The Team

Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.

Support the Podcast

If you like the show, please rate and review it on iTunes or wherever you subscribe, and tell a friend or family member about the show.

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CM 265: Tali Sharot on How to Rekindle Happiness

We crave meaning and purpose, yet obtaining them can feel beyond our control, like they're merely products of luck and circumstance. Fortunately, researchers who’ve studied the power of ritual have found they’re more in our control than we think. 

In this interview, I talk to one of these researchers, psychologist Michael Norton. He shares how rituals, especially ones we create, can provide the meaning and purpose we crave. And, unlike habits, rituals operate on an emotional level that deepens the experience.

In his book, The Ritual Effect: From Habit to Ritual, Harness the Surprising Power of Everyday Actions, Norton shares what rituals are, why they matter, and how they can help bolster us throughout our lives.

Episode Links

The Calming Power of Rituals

Forget Habits in the New Year. Find Joy in Rituals with Others

Breaking up Can Be Easier if You Have a Ritual

Interview with Eduardo Briceno on The Performance Paradox

The Team

Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.

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CM 264: Michael Norton on How Rituals Improve Our Lives

At some point, we all get stuck. Maybe it’s in a job or career. Maybe it’s a relationship or business venture.

Though it’s something we all experience, when it happens, we can feel alone and out of our depth. Emotions may overwhelm us. Mental traps lure is in. In no time at all, we can’t see a way out.

Award-winning professor, researcher, and author, Adam Alter, has spent decades studying how successful people get unstuck. In his latest book, Anatomy of a Breakthrough: How to Get Unstuck When It Matters Most, he shares what we can do to move forward. Adam’s recommendations can help us with what might be the most important times in our lives.

Episode Links

Life is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age by Bruce Feiler

How the ‘Creative-Cliff Illusion’ Limits Our Ideas by David Robson

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

The Team

Learn more about host, Gayle Allen, and producer, Rob Mancabelli, here.

Support the Podcast

If you like the show, please rate and review it on iTunes or wherever you subscribe, and tell a friend or family member about the show.

Subscribe

Click here and then scroll down to see a sample of sites where you can subscribe.

CM 236: Tess Wilkinson-Ryan on When to Play the Fool

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