Creating a Secure Relationship with Elizabeth Earnshaw

11.15.2021 - By Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson Play

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We all want a relationship that's more than just functional, we want one that's truly fulfilling. On today's episode Forrest is joined by a wonderful therapist and author who focuses on giving people the tools they need to communicate, navigate hard times, and create deeper connections with other people: Elizabeth Earnshaw. They explore:

How the pandemic impacted our relationships

The Gottman approach

The stages of a relationship

Balancing differing needs for intimacy

How to request, and give, repair.

They then close the episode with a fun game focused on debunking common relationship myths.

About our Guest: Elizabeth is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, the founder of A Better Life Therapy, and the author of I Want This to Work. You might also know her as @lizlistens on Instagram, where she’s helped countless people transform their relationships.

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Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction.

1:45: Elizabeth’s background.

5:30: How did the pandemic impact relationships?

7:30: Responding to stress in relationships.

9:00: Co-regulation.

11:15: Punishing others for our unpleasant emotions.

13:45: The four stages of relationships.

17:50: What to look for in a partner.

20:10: The “Four Horsemen” of bad relationship communication.

24:25: Key skills for navigating conflict together.

27:00: How to request repair from your partner.

34:10: Deciding if you should leave.

37:45: Interdependence.

41:30: Balancing differing needs for intimacy.

46:30: The Instagram Meme Game: Common misconceptions about relationships.

47:30: “Partners should share everything with each other.”

50:30: “Your partner should be your ride or die.”

52:15: “Never go to bed angry.”

54:50: “My partner is my missing piece.”

56:35: “If you can’t handle me on my worst day, you don’t deserve me on my best day.”

1:02:05: Recap.

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