E82 - Dr. Ramani Durvasula, #1 Narcissism Expert: The Harsh Reality Of Toxic People & Setting Boundaries

Today we are joined by clinical psychologist and narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasala. Dr. Ramani unpacks narcissistic personality disorder, defining types of narcissism, how it’s diagnosed, and where this originates. She shares the implications of the extreme side of this disorder, discussing the dark reality of narcissistic abuse in relationships, love-bombing, triangulation, and gas-lighting. She provides advice for anyone stuck in a cycle of abuse or supporting a friend through this process. She reveals the sad truth of abuse: that most people never change.

This is a great episode for anyone wanting to better understand this disorder and get out of a cycle of abuse.

André's Book Recommendations: https://www.knowthyself.one/books

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Timecodes:

0:00 Intro

1:54 Defining & Identifying Narcissism 

6:59 Why This Develops in People

10:20 Different Types of Narcissism 

13:59 How Our Society Rewards Narcissism 

15:36 How Certain Types Develop 

19:16 At What Age Narcissism Begins 

21:40 The Internal Reality of a Narcissist 

25:45 Common Traits of Narcissistic Abuse 

31:38 Why Love Bombing is Toxic 

37:09 The True Meaning of Gaslighting 

41:18 Triangulation & Cycles of Manipulation

42:40 When Self Esteem Becomes Too Much

47:14 Cultural Distinctions & Healing Family Trauma

52:18 Breaking Free of a Narcissistic Relationship 

1:01:11 Will They Ever Change? 

1:04:29 Is It You? 

1:10:57 Supporting a Friend in an Abusive Relationship 

1:14:45 Becoming Aware of Your Own Narcissism

1:19:28 The Sad Reality of Being a Narcissist 

1:22:00 Spiritual Narcissism 

1:28:07 Final Thoughts

1:35:34 Conclusion

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Dr. Ramani Durvasula is a licensed clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, CA, Professor Emerita of Psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and the Founder and CEO of LUNA Education, Training & Consulting. She is an author of several books including Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist, and “Don’t You Know Who I Am?”: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility. The focus of Dr. Durvasula’s clinical, academic and consultative work is the etiology and impact of narcissism and high-conflict, entitled, antagonistic personality styles on human relationships, mental health, and societal expectations. Her work has been featured at SXSW, TEDx, Red Table Talk, the Today Show, and Investigation Discovery. You can also find her on YouTube where she has accumulated millions of views on her videos discussing narcissism on her successful channel, and on social media @DoctorRamani. Now she will be adding the role of host to her resume as she launches her new podcast, Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani, a show that focuses on narcissism and its impact on relationships.

Website: https://doctor-ramani.com

Pre-Order “It’s Not You”: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/710202/its-not-you-by-ramani-durvasula-phd/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorramani/

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Know Thyself

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André Duqum

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