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Shame keeps us isolated and living in fear of being exposed. To dismantle shame, we must enter our shame and not run and hide from it. We come out of hiding by exposing ourselves to ourselves. Once we start owning our shame, we fear being seen less, feel more alive and free.
So much of our lives was us living a lie; we didn't know it. We built layers of protection around us to protect us from feeling our shame, and we created a false self to survive. We became what we thought others needed us to be so that we could feel loved and accepted. We believed this false self was our identity, and we did anything to protect this image. If anyone saw through our false self, we immediately entered into our shame, and the feelings of worthlessness would take us over. We live guarded with multiple layers of defenses, never to allow ourselves to be seen by others or ourselves.
Nothing outside of us will heal our shame; we must go inward and expose ourselves to feelings of worthlessness. We become vulnerable to our fears. We teach ourselves that our perception of ourselves is not our reality; it's shame keeping us hostage.


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EP 0051 - Coming Out Of Hiding

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If you grew up in a family system that was shame-based, you may feel weighed down by shame. Shame shields us from pain and neglect, but it's also a burden. Shame-based family systems are harsh and judgmental. As a child, you were exposed to criticism and verbal attacks because people didn't do things the way your family did. 

When you're shame-based, you need to surround yourself with people who share your views. This can cause you to judge yourself harshly. Shame wants to stay hidden. We fear being judged, so we try to be perfect. Perfectionism often stems from shame. We feel like we're being scrutinized, like a celebrity without the fame. 

We are usually our harshest critics. As children, we internalize the negative feedback we hear and try to fit into a box that doesn't feel right. We may develop self-hatred for not being like everyone else in our family. We try to conform to an ideal painted for us instead of living our own lives. 

Some people live their entire lives not realizing they're living a lie. They've bought into the system and think they're defective, broken, or unhappy. But the truth is, being authentic is more important than fitting into someone else's mold.

EP 0082 - Shame and Self Judgment

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Many of us are emotionally stuck at a point where we feel that our self-worth is completely dependent on our mother's love and acceptance. This can lead to a deep wound when we don't receive the love and validation we need in the way we need it. In order to move forward and heal, it's important to reach a point in our recovery where our mother's opinion of us no longer has a hold on our sense of self-worth. We must learn to validate ourselves from within, and find the strength to recognize our own worth regardless of outside approval or disapproval. It's a difficult journey, but one that can lead to a life of greater self-love and acceptance. 


Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation.


Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few have the courage to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world.


But then comes the light bulb moment—a realization so profound that it changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation.


Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness that comes with emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because, on the other side of that pain and shame, is freedom.


Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows.


This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing.


Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that no matter how deep the wounds, healing is possible. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love.



EP 0081 - The Mother Wound

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Have you ever had a moment that felt like a key turning in a lock, opening doors to rooms within yourself you didn't know existed? That's what Joe Ryan's latest podcast episode feels like—a raw, unfiltered journey into the heart of personal transformation.


Joe doesn't hold back as he recounts his struggle with self-hate and shame, emotions that many of us grapple with but few dare to confront head-on. He speaks of the burdens we carry, the secrets we keep from ourselves, and the exhausting act of maintaining a façade for the world.


But then comes the light bulb moment—a profound realization that changes everything. For Joe, it was acknowledging his neediness, a trait he had shamed himself for, which stemmed from his childhood. This acknowledgment wasn't just an act of understanding; it was an act of liberation.


Throughout the episode, Joe takes us through the ups and downs of his emotional journey. He talks about the heaviness of emotional baggage and the lightness that follows when you start to let go. It's a process, he says, not a destination. But the work is worth it because freedom is on the other side of that pain and shame.


Joe's story is one of self-forgiveness and the power of self-awareness. It's about breaking the chains of the past and finding the courage to face our inner demons. He shares his process, the painful yet necessary steps to peel back the layers of hurt, and the healing that follows.


This episode is a call to anyone who's felt stuck, weighed down by their emotions, or lost in the maze of their mind. It's for those who've ever felt the need to hide their true selves or who've wondered if there's more to life than the roles they've been playing.


Joe's narrative is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It reminds us that healing is possible no matter how deep the wounds. It's a story of coming home to oneself, of building a life not on the expectations of others but on the foundation of self-acceptance and love.


So, if you're ready for an episode that will challenge you, move you, and ultimately inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery, listen to Joe Ryan's latest podcast. It might just be the key you've been searching for.



EP 0080 - The Needy Inner Child

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The terrible two in children is a vital step in their emotional development. It is a psychological birth that starts separation and independence from caregivers. 


At this stage, the child goes from helpless dependent to more of an independent role as the child starts to realize that they are not one but separate from their caregivers.


Allowing a child to separate, become more independent, and figure out who they are is one of the most important gifts a parent can give a child. 


Most parents do not allow a child to separate. The child is now limited by what the parent will allow. They learn that independence is not permitted, and the child stays emotionally bonded to the parent just as they were in infancy. The child will run all thoughts, emotions, and actions through the ‘parent filter.’ They never learn to make their own decisions, find confidence in themselves, and never grow up or leave home emotionally. 


As the child grows into an adult, they are emotionally stuck at this development stage and need the approval of their parents and everyone with whom they have relationships throughout their life. 


The internal fears of abandonment turn them into codependent people pleasers who are on an endless quest to find someone, anyone, to permit them to be themselves. 


In this Episode:

 Letting kids grow up and not expecting them to take care of your emotional needs!
 What happens when parents sabotage their children's successes or independence because of their “unlived” lives?


 Going from being needed all the time to essentially not being needed at all
 Letting kids be and not trying to shame them into things you want them to do
 How the “good parent”, especially in divorce, will always get the short end of the stick
 Avoid feeling betrayed by our child's independence and lack of need for us.



This episode covers the why’s of what people do to combat this initial behavior and the irreparable damage it can cause to a child.
The terrible twos are also linked to a teenager's later years of struggling for that greater need for independence. How are they
connected, and what are the ramifications? What is the impact for both the child and the parent(s), and how does all of this impact all
involved? This episode reminds us that children can’t be there for your benefit or to fill the holes we have in our souls! It’s
not healthy for them, and it’s not healthy for us!

EP 0078 - Terrible Two's and Separation

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In this episode, Joe covers one of the biggest & most frequent questions he gets! How do I get my partner to change? How do we get my wife to change? How do I get my husband to change? How do I get my brother to listen? How do I get him to go to therapy? It's simple…Here is the answer…. YOU DON’T

This episode outlines the steps a person needs to take to stop trying to change your partner but to change what you are doing (or not doing) in the relationship for you to remedy the situation and take control of what you can change!


In this Episode:


 Repeating the Same Patterns in Your Relationship…the Wash, Rinse, Repeat Syndrome


 What Motivates Your Partner to Have to Change? What will get them to your worth and value?


 The Benefits of Therapy…the proper steps have benefits you may not have even thought of for your future safety and well being


 Building a Life for Yourself, and Expand your Circle of Friends and Connections


 Eliminating Fear of Change and Making Changes Before it’s too Late 


 Taking Responsibility for the Way You Are Treated in a Relationship


This episode will help you realize where you are currently, what you need to do, and how you need to do it without expecting any help or change from the person you hoped you could change! You have to start looking at yourself and stop looking at somebody else because, more than likely, the person you hope will change and stay the way you want them to will never happen! Heal yourself. Stop trying to change your partner!



EP 0051 - Coming Out Of Hiding

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