Episode 44

Paul fires a warning shot across the bow of marriage, alerting all young bachelors to the very real loss of three essential liberties: sexual freedom, financial autonomy, and freedom over one’s schedule (or time). Paul elaborates on what he’s learned during his first year of marriage and the reality that he now feels. Against the lamentable loss of these three freedoms the guys consider the benefits. For one thing, aging single people get bored of themselves, Paul asserts. Is he whistling in the dark, or are men who never marry and who are now in their 50’s really “one-note Johnny’s” whose lives are “on a loop?” Inevitably, Paul comes back to the question of why a guy wallowing in his personal freedoms would voluntarily surrender them, and yet he did it himself! What is this powerful force that can profoundly change a man’s outlook? Is it love? A wish for personal growth? Becoming broody? As the men search for answers, they hit on some deep issues: can a man grow-up without a woman? are most single guys just “getting by” with a bit of cash on the hip and a few girls in their phone? At the core of the discussion is whether men want to (or are able to) mature without a female force guiding them. Paul returns to his definition of maturity from an earlier podcast: anticipating change and preparing for it while you still have time and options. Part of the trapdoor of late capitalism is that it’s turned us into hyper-consumers in all areas, including romance. Just as we order a ride from Uber, or a book from Amazon, we are now conditioned to “order” a mate on Tinder or Match. With high expectations and a sometimes skewed sense of our own sexual market value, many of us don’t realize our options have dried up until it’s too late…