This is for anyone who is finding themselves in predictable fight loops with their partner or any other close relationship. Maybe you are frustrated they are not doing what you think they should be doing or you find yourself exploding at them then feeling weak and shitty about yourself. It’s about how to find empowerment and align your actions behind what it is you truly want. I’d say it’s the start of the path toward making a change that needs to take place. The two books and the article I mention in this episode are here: https://amzn.to/31uf13I https://amzn.to/37vlU8z https://www.nytimes.com/2020/10/15/parenting/kids-tantrums-advice.html This episode is sponsored by Better Help: online access to therapists, around the globe. If you want to support this show, use our code for 10% off your first month of therapy. Head to TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe
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Ep 137: Fight Loops in Relationships - Finding Empowerment

Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/author/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out YayWithMe.com What I share on this show is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by www.BookerHillMusic.com

Health & Fitness

This episode is about taking stock of a relationship and deciding how you feel about it in an honest way. Maybe you’re considering a breakup, or you don’t know that just yet but you’re not happy with how things are. One way to tell how we feel about someone is to examine our own behavior: the things we are doing on a loop. When we can see a fight loop, we can see perhaps we are not accepting the truth of who someone is, or we can see our own unmet needs arising. This is how we move forward and grow up in a sense – by becoming aware.
This for knowing where you stand instead of fighting what is. When we can move from what is, we can honor ourselves AND our relationship! And in some cases that means coming out of the closet on what we truly want. Nothing bad about that – it just is. Accept and welcome it. When we draw boundaries around that concept, we create a life that rewards us.
Caveat: You can’t decide something based on another person’s advice. If you’re not ready for action, simply processing feelings is a great place to start.
 
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Ep 223: Relationship Checkup - Is it working or not

This episode marks 10 years of Help Me Be Me! This is about knowing thyself and feeling grounded and resourced in that self. Being guided by and making decisions from your values, not your weaknesses.
 
It’s all about “coming home to yourself” as a means to feel grounded: what that means to me, plus tools for that in the face of social pressures and relationships. In moments when you feel hurt, unpopular, clingy or less-than, come back home to a wisdom of self: what do YOU hold to be sacred, cool and interesting? What do you hold to be important in terms of values? Resuming this core relieves us in moments we feel a need to please others or we are changing ourselves out of fear.
 
I feel the greatest gift you can give yourself is a friendship and bond with yourself. If you’re not there yet, take heart. Sometimes we need some processing of past conflicts for all of us to arrive at action. If something isn’t happening for you, there might be a part of you that has yet to fully arrive.

It’s apt that this episode marks 10 years of podcasting for me. 222 is a sacred number and I invite you to check out Taz Grout’s 222 Foundation, linked below. Thank you all for growing alongside me in this journey! For those who have been listening for that long, what I hope you take away from these episodes is an expansion of self-knowledge and self-compassion.
 

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AsteproAllergy.com
 
Use as directed for relief of nasal congestion, runny nose, sneezing and itchy nose due to allergies.
 
And in honor of 222, if you want to make a donation to Pam Grout’s amazing daughter’s foundation to further the consciousness of the world, you can head here:
Taz Grout’s 222 Foundation
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Ep 222: Befriending Yourself + Grounding Confidence

We all grow, mature and become different people, however sometimes we cannot see that change or those around us cannot see it. This is about redefining yourself to yourself. Allowing room to witness yourself, anew. Especially in the face of people who treat us based off an old identity. This episode has exercises to help you see where you are headed and mark the change you’ve made over the past year. It’s also for examining your actions as a means to map out your internal allegiances. Often we cannot see how we truly feel because we get lost in the day-to-day content of powerful or repetitive emotions. The goal for me coming out of this episode is for you to feel as if you were given a new awareness of yourself. One that is positive, clear, and empowered. And that you can see the conscious change you have made in your life.
 
If you want to know who you are, just look at your physical actions. They are a map to our truth: what we believe, what we are working on, and also how we feel about ourselves. They tell us who we are more than our words, so if you want to learn something new, tune into what has changed. And take heart–change is change! No matter how incremental.
 
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Ep 221: Redefining Yourself - Shedding Older Selves

Think of this episode as a memory to be conjured. A memory of the truth of yourself: your power and goodness, and that you feel more present on the ride that is your life. It’s easy to live out a perspective fixated on what you haven’t done right or what is just out of reach. To reduce life to transactions versus a felt sense of magic.
This episode is kind of “hippy” in that it’s got some guided imageries. Reason being, a lot of us don’t see the greatness in ourselves unless we are given a powerful mirror. Someone who has witnessed the path we have walked and all that we have grown to become. Often it takes an experience with this kind of person or getting outside of our bubble, to jog this deeper memory of self. A compliment from the right person has the power to inspire us and move us. Through these glimpses, we see a different truth and a more positive version of the world. I wanted to try some visualizations with you today that tap into that knowing, deliberately.
Unless we curate a deeper perspective of ourselves and humanity, we can miss it for years at a time. We get conditioned into reaching toward stuff, or we get stuck in a powerful current of work that leaves us in an energy saving mode. My goal is that you tune into a sense of fullness with this episode and a deeper connection to the person you have become.
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Ep 220: Remembering Yourself – Trust + Positivity Exercises

This is about having a loving mindset as we move through our life. What does that mean? It means feeling complete and having an inner sense of safety. From here we do not feel lack when we interact with others. Nothing is “at us” and even when someone does mean us harm, it does not land. This is the energetic state where we can be the most effective, creative, wise. So really the question becomes – how do we deliberately CURATE this state in our lives? I have some tuning exercises for this in particular as well as some reflection exercises.
When we can embody love and kindness, we can light up the world, we can create limitlessly, we can see all potential.
In this episode, I’m going to be talking about these two things that seem in opposition: coming from an energy of wholeness and fullness–tuning yourself to that. And then also shoring up what I call the holes in the boat, or checking what might need boundary work in your life. In other words, making sure you are being deliberate in designing a life that is conducive to a life full of love and peace. Byron Katie calls this “loving what is” – which is EXACTLY what it’s like! Fully embracing and welcoming the truth of what is, including what supports you and makes you feel safe, and also accepting what does not. From here we can build a life that is in accordance with our values.

Sending so much love! To support the show, you can make a donation at YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon.

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Ep 137: Fight Loops in Relationships - Finding Empowerment

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