125: Kylie heard a gunshot

This episode comes with a content warning. The story includes discussion of sexual assault, addiction, and suicide. 

Stephen Covey is a popular author, and he wrote the best-selling book titled The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Great book, highly recommended. 

In that book, Covey tells a personal story that has come back to my mind many times in the years since I first read that book. This is what he wrote:

“I remember a mini-paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly – some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.

Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.

The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.

It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt like was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?”

The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what do think, and I guess they don’t know who to handle it either.”

Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain. Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. “Your wife just died? Oh I’m so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?” Everything changed in an instant.” 

I’ve never forgotten that story. All the people we encounter while we’re just going through our day to day lives…they’re going through things that we know nothing about. It’s easy to judge someone or form an opinion based on what we observe, but there are always other factors that we can’t see. I think, in a lot of cases, if we knew what was really going on, our anger or impatience might be replaced with empathy and compassion.

My guest today is Kylie. She’s been through some trauma, and you’ll hear it in her voice as she talks with the 911 dispatcher. I think her story can help all of us to perhaps see things from a perspective other than our own.

Resources:

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, you can get help immediately by calling the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. Just dial 988 anytime day or night.

Kylie used the AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) website to find a support group for people who have suffered loss. You can get more information about this at:

https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/

Full show notes and pictures for this episode are here:

https://WhatWasThatLike.com/125

Kylie is in our podcast Facebook group. If you have a question for her, join the group at WhatWasThatLike.com/facebook (many of the other podcast guests are there as well).

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