SYPM 012: From fear-filled conflict to parenting as a team

"You're doing it wrong!  You're not asking for consent before changing the diaper!"

In this Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode we meet parent Nicole, who has core values related to being empathic, constantly learning, and upholding justice in the world.  These awesome values came together in a difficult way when Nicole became a parent: she had a deep fear of not getting parenting right, so she was constantly reading and trying to find that one piece of information that would close the gap between her struggles and the kind of parent she wanted to be.

The stress of parenting an infant brought out a controlling side of her where she attempted to script every aspect of her (and her husband's) interactions with her child, thinking they had already screwed up parenting because he hadn't asked their child's consent before changing her diaper.

Nicole was raised by a single parent who had had a traumatic upbringing, and Nicole grew up sometimes feeling scared by her mother's oversized reactions to normal childhood behavior.  She knew she wanted more for her children - but didn't know what to do.  Over the last year she's been working on 'reparenting' herself so she doesn't have to parent from a place of fear any more, and can relax into understanding her children's feelings - and her own and her partner's feelings as well.

Parenting Membership 

If parenting feels really hard, and it seems like you’ve read all the books and you’ve asked for advice in free communities and you’re tired of having to weed through all the stuff that isn’t aligned with your values to get to the few good nuggets, then the Parenting Membership will help you out.

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Jump to highlights:

(03:19) Nicole's background

(04:36) Nicole's parenting beliefs and values

(06:31) Teaching respect by giving respect

(08:07) Fear and anxiety of not getting parenting right

(09:32) How inter generational trauma show up in your family

(11:37) The unexpected reparenting piece

(13:35) How talking about death with children led Nicole to my work

(15:13) Nicole's experience with the Parenting Membership

(18:32) What shifted in Nicole's that made her decide to take the Membership

(19:17) Realizing the most unconditional thing you can do for your kids

(20:12) Relationships our complex yet we don't think that way when it comes to our relationship with our children

(21:08) Nicole's incredible example of how she shows up for her children and handles things differently now compared to before

(24:45) Becoming more confident in parenting

(26:09) Having the language to talk about our needs

(28:39) How Nicole and her husband wants to model conflict to their children...