The Caregiver's Turn

Most people know or love someone who’s a cancer survivor. But it’s not just the cancer patient who survives and hopefully recovers from this kind of medical trauma. Caregivers, while they didn’t have to personally weather the life-threatening illness and its treatment, they did so by proxy, holding the patient up emotionally, physically and logistically while still managing and usually repressing their own fears and exhaustion. 

Most caregivers put their own needs, and even their lives, on hold when their loved ones are suffering or undergoing treatment. And then, when the worst is over and it’s time to move forward, it’s not just the patient who must recover. The caregiver needs and deserves time, grace and support to do so as well. This journey can be especially complex in the case of romantic relationships as it becomes necessary to shift out of caregiver and patient roles back to partners and lovers…

In this Language of Love Session, I have a follow up chat with a listener, Veronica, whose boyfriend has now finally finished cancer treatment. Against all odds, he’s now in remission. But instead of the celebration she was expecting, Veronica finds her life remaining on pause as she waits for her love to come back to the relationship they were building at the time of his diagnosis. Instead of excitement about enjoying their lives after their harrowing year, he’s been depressed, angry and distant. And Veronica is feeling resentful and abandoned.  

In this episode we discuss:

The ways medical trauma compares to other kinds when it comes to healing.

Steps one can take to assist and inspire a loved one to move forward when the worst is over after trauma. 

Some of my own struggles I had as a cancer survivor when my treatment was finally over and my caregiving husband was ready for me to come back to life.

How the caregiving journey can be an opportunity to learn to hold our own peace (or even happiness) in the face of those we love remaining stuck in frustration and sadness. 

What’s realistic to expect from a partner after a traumatic illness, and when it may or may not be time to throw in the towel. 

If you’ve been a caregiver or you love one, you will get so much from this healing conversation!

Resources and Links

Dr. Laura Berman

Language of Love Podcast

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