On today’s episode of The Best of You podcast, I’m talking with the wonderful and wise Toni Collier who shares bravely about finding herself stuck in the performance trap, and how she clawed her way out.

Toni's capability & high capacity helped her survive, but she also wound up exhausted, broken, and numbing.

As Toni says, “I had a source, which is God, but the resources I did not have.” And she had to learn to discover a more authentic, wholehearted way.

Here's what we discuss:

1.  How capability, strength, and achievement can turn into survival strategies

2. Why we turn toward numbing as a way to cope with pain

3. What finally drove her to get help 

4. How she started to find healthy relationships and find her way out of the pain

5. Practical ways she keeps the performer part of her in check now

6. What she would say to her young performer's heart now

(Be ready for some tears on this one. . .)

Check out Toni’s new book, Brave Enough to be Broken anywhere books are sold.

Thanks to our sponsor: Organifi —Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today!

Find a list of resources and the full transcript for this episode here.

Music by Andy Luiten 

Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik

While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. 

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 28: The Pain of Performing For Others and How to Claw Your Way Out with Toni Collier

Join therapist and author, Dr. Alison Cook, as she guides you through some of your toughest challenges with wisdom, kindness, and grace. Together with friends and experts we'll unpack the best of psychology from a faith-based perspective. You’ll discover how to break free from painful patterns, mend your past, and discover what brings out the best of you.

Health & Fitness

Mental Health

Are you ever tempted to lie to spare someone’s feelings or avoid conflict?
You're not alone. Research shows that most people tell at least one lie every day, even though honesty significantly benefits our relationships and mental health. In today’s episode, we explore the science and Biblical wisdom behind lying, and I'll share practical strategies to foster more honesty (spoiler alert: it involves setting boundaries!) in your relationships.
Here's what we cover:

How often do we lie?

4 mental health benefits of honesty

4 types of lies we tell

The link between lying and boundaries

3 reasons why we lie

The most important question to ask yourself about the lies you tell


Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.
Thanks to our sponsors:
Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
Go to https://hensonshaving.com and enter BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 100 free blades with your purchase. (Note: you must add both the 100-blade pack and the razor for the discount to apply.)
Sign up for AromaTru's Insider Club today and you'll receive a FREE Waterless Oil Diffuser and a FREE lemon eucalyptus oil - that's over $200 in savings. Head to aromatruorganics.com/bestofyou to take advantage of this exclusive offer.
Whether you're exploring distant lands or enjoying a staycation at home, Cozy Earth has your back. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. 
Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!
Related Episodes:
Episode 103: Name, Frame, and Brave Gossip
Episode 104: Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability—Strategies to Stop Feeling Alone and Build Meaningful Connections
Episode 20: Making Peace with Yourself (& Facing Your Fear of Disappointing Other People)
Episode 72: Overcoming Failure, Handling Adversity, and Telling Yourself the Truth
Music by Andy Luiten
Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik
While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 105: 4 Lies We Tell, the Mental Health Benefits of Honesty, & How to Stop Lying In Your Relationships

Have you ever felt isolated because you can't open up to others?
Do you worry that showing vulnerability might lead to more hurt?
You are in for such a special treat today. This is such an honest, incredibly real conversation about the risks of vulnerability, the hurts that come from letting others in AND the incredible opportunities for intimacy, connection, and healing when we do.
My dear friends, Kathy Tuan-MacLean and Tara Edelschick, authors of the new Bible study experience, "Moms at the Well," surveyed over seven hundred moms and discovered most women struggle with worry, anger, comparison, escapism, a desire for control, and heartbreak. Yet most women feel alone in these struggles. 
If you've ever felt lonely or skeptical about finding community with other women, this episode is for you. Here's what we cover:
* The dissonance we feel about vulnerability (2:21)
* How 1 marriage crisis launched a 20 year small group (11:28)
* 2 essential ingredients to safeguard trust (16:00)
* How they dealt with gossip (21:50)
* Strategies for dealing with hurt feelings, ruptures & repair (24:38)
* One shocking result from their survey (34:43)
* The strategy Alison used to find a friend when lonely (43:35)
* The one thing that kills group trust (48:43)
For 20% off + free shipping for Moms at the Well, use code IVPPOD20  here
Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here
Thanks to our sponsors:
Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to SundaysForDogs.com/BESTOFYOU or use code BESTOFYOU at checkout.
Whether you're exploring distant lands or enjoying a staycation at home, Cozy Earth has your back. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.
Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!
Related Episodes:
Episode 103: Name, Frame, and Brave Gossip
Episode 85: The Goal of a Healthy Family & 6 Roles We Take On In Dysfunction
Episode 66: The Truth About Anxiety & How to Become a Worry Free Parent with Sissy Goff
Episode 65: Vulnerability, Parenting, and Letting Go of Control—Inside A Guy’s Perspective With Our Friends From Dadville
Music by Andy Luiten
Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik
While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 104: Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability—Strategies to Stop Feeling Alone and Build Meaningful Connections

We don't want to gossip, but most of us do it. What if gossip actually plays a deeper role in our lives and relationships? 
So often in life we bump into "grey areas," areas that can stir up dissonance inside of us. We hold certain beliefs or values, yet we find ourselves acting in ways that are contrary to those values.
In this series, we're exploring some of these areas that can bring up dissonance inside. Our focus today is gossip. I explore the problems with gossip, as well as some of the surprising research on how it can be constructive. By examining both the positive and negative aspects of gossip, you'll feel empowered to name, frame, and brave a healthier understanding of gossip in your life and relationships.

Why gossip is a gray area (3:09)

What the Bible says about gossip (6:42)

What psychology research says about gossip (12:46)

6 motivations behind gossip (13:43)

Constructive vs. destructive forms of gossip (21:40)

How to Name, Frame, and Brave gossip in your own life (29:17)


Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here.
Thanks to our sponsors:
Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today.
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self.
Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!
Go to AquaTru.com and enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 20% OFF any AquaTru purifier!
Whether you're exploring distant lands or enjoying a staycation at home, Cozy Earth has your back. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU.
Related Episodes:
Episode 102: I Shouldn’t Feel Conflicted About God—How to Name, Frame, and Brave Complicated Emotions About Faith & God
Episode 96: Signs of Emotional Immaturity & How to Bring Emotional Health Into Your Relationships
Episode 89: When A Relationship Has to Change—How to Tolerate Discomfort, Face an Attachment Void, & Resource Yourself
Music by Andy Luiten
Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik
While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 103: Name, Frame, and Brave Gossip

Do you ever feel distant from God?
Do you struggle with conflicting emotions or unanswered questions that make it hard to feel God's presence in your life?
Today's episode brings the 

Episode 102: I Shouldn’t Feel Conflicted About God—How to Name, Frame, and Brave Complicated Emotions About Faith & God

Happy Book Launch day! 
Today I Shouldn't Feel This Way is out in the world AND it's the two-year anniversary of The Best of You Podcast . To celebrate, I asked my friend, fellow therapist, and author, Aundi Kolber, to join me for a special bonus episode! 
Join us as we share insights into why we started writing, what we keep private vs. what we share publicly, and how to navigate the publishing industry.
Pick up your copy of I Shouldn't Feel This Way today!
Get Aundi's Strong Like Water Guided Journey today!
Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift!
Whether you're exploring distant lands or enjoying a staycation at home, Cozy Earth has your back. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. 
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 28: The Pain of Performing For Others and How to Claw Your Way Out with Toni Collier

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