TWAP083: These 3 AS Women Friendship Insights Will Make You Think

What I Found Out From A Group of Men

I remember sharing my life story with a group of men from my church.

We shared our private struggles as well as our victories so that we could really challenge each other and grow.

We also promised that we would keep our stories confidential.

As one guy after another shared their story, I was surprised to hear that many things I thought only I struggled with, other guys struggled with too!

But when you’re alone, it’s hard to know that anyone else out there is like you.

Autistic women have too often been isolated from the rest of the autism community.

Aspergers and autism was most often studied and identified among boys and men.

But now, women across the world are being known.

Facebook groups, Wrong Planet forums, and blogs like The Autism Women’s Network are increasingly shining the spotlight on autistic women.

[For this blog post, AS will refer to Aspergerian or autistic, while NS will refer to non-spectrum]

AS women can expand and improve their friendships by learning about other AS women’s strengths and struggles with friendships.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re an AS woman, take heart and know that you’re not alone.

Your struggles to connect with NS women are echoed by women in all the forums I explored.

In an article from Spectrum News, titled Friendship Poses Unique Challenges for Women on the Spectrum, authors Liz Pellicano and Felicity Sedgewick talked about the following friendship hurdles they discovered.  They reviewed research and interviewed 15 AS women and 15 NS women.

Here are some discoveries they made:

* Friendship is important for AS women (I would expect no less)

* They value sharing thoughts and emotions, having a safe space, having the support of a trusted person.

* AS relationships differ from NS relationships – while NS women tend to have a greater number of friends, AS women have fewer relationships.  The relationships tend to be more intense.

* Social anxiety about uncertainty in relationships can cause AS women to keep interactions brief.  NS women often interpret brief interactions as a cue that AS women don’t want to be friends, and the relationship then fades.

* When women form a relationship with an NS partner, that partner’s friends become her friends.  But if the relationship ends, it can leave them isolated.

When I shared this article in the Thrivers’ Community, quite a number AS women said they could resonate so much with the content of the article.

And as I read through Wrong Planet forums where women talked about friendship, I saw all their experiences being very similar.

AS Women’s Differences Explain Why Friendship With NS Women Can Be Challenging

Interpreting NS Communication

According to Dr. Pellicano, “autistic women, in particular, may have difficulty interpreting the social subtleties friendships entail.”

More specifically, as Holly mentioned in episodes 80 and 81, NS women and men can be vague and imprecise in their speech, so that it’s hard for AS women to pick up on the meaning behind their words.

Lack of Shared Interests

I also noticed over and over in Wrong Planet forums AS women talking about having more male interests,