CONTENT NOTE: In this episode I discuss weight loss surgery.

As long as I can remember, I hated my body. I was encouraged from a young age to diet, for “health.” The result was that I was striving for ultimate health and despite following all the diets and exercise plans to a T, I was never satisfied with the amount of weight I had lost.

I still had a strong sense of self-worth for 2 reasons:

1. I had some strong emotional and parental attachments with people who made me feel valuable.
2. I had strong faith that God loved me.

Even still, my self-esteem was low. I would worry about whether the world would love me, or a partner would love me. I hit my breaking point at 19 years old. I decided I was done dieting, it wasn’t working, and with the influence of my family I had weight loss surgery.

The surgery promised better health, a smaller body, and exponential weight loss and like dieting, it didn’t deliver on what it promised. Instead, I couldn’t eat and my hair was falling out.

Part of the thing with body dysmorphia is looking at a part of our body convinced that it’s wrong, working to fix it, then moving on to another part, and another. Unfortunately, in the clinical definition of eating disorders, a disordered eating pattern isn’t necessarily diagnosed unless certain physical characteristics are present, such as low body weight in the case of anorexia.

Working in an eating disorder center and going to therapy highlighted the cognitive dissonance that I didn’t believe that I could be healthy in a larger body. That depression in the area of body image brought me to the concept of body grief.

Body grief is the loss or losses accompanied by the conscious choice to stop attempting to change one’s body size. Grieving sucks, but you don’t have to grieve alone.

Check out my resources, course, and membership community “The Body Grievers Club” at https://bodyimagewithbri.com/

A Podcast Launch Bestie production