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300. Stop “Therapeutic Lying”: How to Answer “I Want to Go Home” with Truth and Grace
“What do you say when your loved one keeps asking to go home—but you know they can’t?” That’s the ache David brought about his 96-year-old mom in assisted living. He’s gentle and calm, but still wonders, What actually helps?
I began with the same clarifying prompt I use in coaching: “So let’s imagine it is six months from now and your caregiving journey feels easier. What would that look like for you?” David’s answer: clarity on what to say—and peace about when to answer the phone.
Why we don’t use “therapeutic lying.”
Lies can soothe for a moment but erode trust. We practice Therapeutic Truth-Telling™—meeting the emotion and telling the truth in gentle words. For recurring “I want to go home,” find a calm, consistent phrase you can repeat cheerfully: “Mom, I hear you want to go back to [street name]. I’m sorry—that isn’t possible anymore. This is where you’ll be living now. I love you, and I’ll make sure you’re cared for.” Use it like it’s the first time—every time.
Understand what the brain is doing.
After a mild stroke, mom’s time sense changed and she began confabulating—filling memory gaps with believable stories (e.g., “they keep moving me to different towns”). Naming this helps you respond with empathy instead of arguments.
Rehab can still help.
Even at 96, ask for speech and occupational therapy to target executive function and time concepts under the “recent stroke” umbrella—no formal dementia diagnosis required. You’re looking for practical strategies, not labels.
Next faithful step.
Try one phrase for two months, meet the emotion first, and pursue a short rehab trial. If you want steady, faith-anchored help, join the Christian DigniCare Society (lifetime access; first 100 get a 15-minute welcome call), or come to the free workshop on November 8 at 3 p.m. ET—links in the show notes. You don’t have to do this alone.
Don’t walk alone. The Christian DigniCare Society (lifetime, under $100) gives you community, coaching, prayer, and practical tools.
https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/cds
💬 What Do I Say When Dementia Makes Words Hard?
Get “What Do I Say? How to Connect with Your Loved One with Dementia” — a free guide for Christian caregivers navigating confusion, repetition, and emotional moments.
📥 Download the guide now: https://www.dementiacaregivingmadeeasy.com/script
🤝 You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Join other Christian caregivers who are walking this road too — and learning how to care with compassion, clarity, and faith.
👥 Join the free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dementiacaregiversupportforchristians
🗣️ Ask Your Question Live — and Be Heard
Bring your real-life caregiving questions to Ask the Dementia Coach — our free monthly Q&A session. You’ll get support, clarity, and maybe even be featured on the podcast.
🎤 Register here: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/ask
🎓 Want to Reduce Overwhelm Right Now?
Join our free workshop:
How to Immediately Reduce Dementia Caregiver Overwhelm and Stress — in 3 Simple Steps
🎟️ Reserve your seat: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/wsl
🧭 Still Feeling Stuck?
If you’re wondering what’s underneath your stress, the Caregiver Stress Assessment can help clarify what’s really weighing you down — so you can take your next step with peace.
📊 Take the free assessment: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/dca
❤️ Enjoy This Podcast?
Leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify — it helps other Christian caregivers find encouragement and real help.
🎧 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts
View all episodes
By Lizette Cloete, Christian Dementia Coach
4.9
7777 ratings
“What do you say when your loved one keeps asking to go home—but you know they can’t?” That’s the ache David brought about his 96-year-old mom in assisted living. He’s gentle and calm, but still wonders, What actually helps?
I began with the same clarifying prompt I use in coaching: “So let’s imagine it is six months from now and your caregiving journey feels easier. What would that look like for you?” David’s answer: clarity on what to say—and peace about when to answer the phone.
Why we don’t use “therapeutic lying.”
Lies can soothe for a moment but erode trust. We practice Therapeutic Truth-Telling™—meeting the emotion and telling the truth in gentle words. For recurring “I want to go home,” find a calm, consistent phrase you can repeat cheerfully: “Mom, I hear you want to go back to [street name]. I’m sorry—that isn’t possible anymore. This is where you’ll be living now. I love you, and I’ll make sure you’re cared for.” Use it like it’s the first time—every time.
Understand what the brain is doing.
After a mild stroke, mom’s time sense changed and she began confabulating—filling memory gaps with believable stories (e.g., “they keep moving me to different towns”). Naming this helps you respond with empathy instead of arguments.
Rehab can still help.
Even at 96, ask for speech and occupational therapy to target executive function and time concepts under the “recent stroke” umbrella—no formal dementia diagnosis required. You’re looking for practical strategies, not labels.
Next faithful step.
Try one phrase for two months, meet the emotion first, and pursue a short rehab trial. If you want steady, faith-anchored help, join the Christian DigniCare Society (lifetime access; first 100 get a 15-minute welcome call), or come to the free workshop on November 8 at 3 p.m. ET—links in the show notes. You don’t have to do this alone.
Don’t walk alone. The Christian DigniCare Society (lifetime, under $100) gives you community, coaching, prayer, and practical tools.
https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/cds
💬 What Do I Say When Dementia Makes Words Hard?
Get “What Do I Say? How to Connect with Your Loved One with Dementia” — a free guide for Christian caregivers navigating confusion, repetition, and emotional moments.
📥 Download the guide now: https://www.dementiacaregivingmadeeasy.com/script
🤝 You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Join other Christian caregivers who are walking this road too — and learning how to care with compassion, clarity, and faith.
👥 Join the free Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dementiacaregiversupportforchristians
🗣️ Ask Your Question Live — and Be Heard
Bring your real-life caregiving questions to Ask the Dementia Coach — our free monthly Q&A session. You’ll get support, clarity, and maybe even be featured on the podcast.
🎤 Register here: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/ask
🎓 Want to Reduce Overwhelm Right Now?
Join our free workshop:
How to Immediately Reduce Dementia Caregiver Overwhelm and Stress — in 3 Simple Steps
🎟️ Reserve your seat: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/wsl
🧭 Still Feeling Stuck?
If you’re wondering what’s underneath your stress, the Caregiver Stress Assessment can help clarify what’s really weighing you down — so you can take your next step with peace.
📊 Take the free assessment: https://www.thinkdifferentdementia.com/dca
❤️ Enjoy This Podcast?
Leave a quick review on Apple or Spotify — it helps other Christian caregivers find encouragement and real help.
🎧 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts
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