It's understandable that many of us would want to take positive actions to be an effective leader. While positive steps are important, our experience has been that first stopping the things that aren't working will get you faster results. In this week's show, we look at what you should stop saying to the people you lead.

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What is said: "I don't mean to be xxxxx, but..."

What you teach people: I likely am whatever I just said that I don't mean to be

What is said: "But..."

What you teach people: Ignore everything I said before I said the word "but"

What is said: "Well, to be honest with you..."

What you teach people: I'm not always honest all of the time

What is said: "You made me feel..."

What you teach people: Confusion, since nobody can make you feel anything

What is said: Anger expressed at someone bringing bad news, even if they didn't cause it

What you teach people: Don't ever bring me bad news

What is said: I'm going to be the devil's advocate here...

What you teach people: I either like arguing for the sake of arguing or I'm not willing to own my opinions

What is said: Giving your own opinion after asking someone for feedback

What you teach people: You don't really care about what they think

Bonni also mentioned the 6 Thinking Hats as a model for more effective dialogue

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One of our listeners asked, "When someone who has authority over me lashes out…what should I do?" We discuss some options.

We also spend a few minutes discussing the incident in Connecticut this past week and implications for leaders.

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Wherever you are in the world, whatever is on your agenda today, take one idea from this show to engage and develop someone you lead.