In this episode, Ashley shares her powerful story of overcoming domestic abuse. Ashley recounts her tumultuous marriage marked by emotional and psychological abuse, her journey through a traumatic childbirth experience, and her eventual separation. She discusses the impact of her childhood abuse, her struggle with self-doubt, and the challenges of single motherhood with special needs children. Ashley also shares how her faith and community support played vital roles in her healing journey. The episode concludes with Ashley's advice for others in abusive situations to prioritize self-care and seek supportive communities.

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Ashley Transcript

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Welcome to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast, brought to you by DSW Ministries. Your host is singer songwriter, speaker and domestic violence advocate, [00:01:00] Diana. She is passionate about helping survivors in the church heal from domestic violence and abuse and trauma. This podcast is not a substitute for professional counseling or qualified medical help.

Now here is Diana.

So today on the wounds of the Faithful podcast, we have a survivor story today. So please welcome Ashley to the show. Thanks for coming on the podcast and sharing a bit of yourself with us.

Hi. You're welcome. I'm glad to be here. I haven't seen you since the girls. We went over to Starbucks for an outing and we had that incident with the spider.

Yes, I know. Multiple spiders crawling around the table and on you. Oh, well I thought that Kelly had killed the one on the ground and then we found out there was another [00:02:00] one and it was on my shoulder and you wanna see me freak out? Okay, that's how you get me to freak out is a spider. So here we are trying to kill the spider. But we had a good time.

It was fun. Just fun to get out. It was a hot day. We were out there roasting in the heat, but it was just fun to get out and, have some girl time. Right? Yes, definitely. We needed it.

So, let's, get to know you a little better. So give us a little introduction about yourself. What general part of the country are you from, and are you married? How many kids you got, what do you do for a living? That kind of stuff. Okay. Well my name is Ashley, and I live in Arizona.

I've been here for five years now. I was living in North Carolina with my husband and our family for, we were on the East coast for about, oh gosh, probably about eight years or so. And, living in, in North Carolina, Virginia, and [00:03:00] that area. So I met Diana through Mending the Soul. I joined because I have been separated from my husband for, about a year now.

We've been separated twice and that was due to abuse that was going on in the marriage. So I have a history of abuse in my life, starting from when I was little. There was abuse that happened outside of the home, with. People that were slightly older than me. And that was more of like a, sexual abuse or molestation kind of situation.

And then getting married, I thought it was a good relationship. I thought we were a good team. And we, I think it, it was okay for a while until we had children and that's when things started. Unraveling and a lot of patterns started popping up all over the place of, all kinds of a abuse that, not physical, but it was [00:04:00] emotional, mental, psychological, spiritual abuse, all of those.

And I'm still kind of working through and wrestling with the effects that that had on me. And it's still, I mean, I have good days and I have really, really hard days. So it's kind of, it's still, even though it's been a year of being apart, it's still all over the place. Mm-hmm. Um, but I do feel like I'm making progress and, many, the soul did help with that along with counseling.

So that's where I'm at right now and I'm currently going to school to get, to become a speech language pathology assistant. And, I have about just one semester left of that. And then I know I'm so excited to, hopefully get to work with kids that are, you know, having difficulties for whatever reason.

And I am a special needs mom. My, middle child has autism and. So that's been a journey. And then my youngest also has struggles in certain areas of learning. So, yeah, this [00:05:00] will help me also, while being able to help other people. So that's where I'm at right now.

So your special needs kids, what kind of challenges does that bring as a single mom and going through abuse?

Mm. Oh gosh. I hadn't really thought of it in that context before, but it's a lot because you're, as a parent, you're trying to focus on their needs and trying to meet them where they're at, but at the same time, you're trying to meet yourself where you're at. So it's constantly trying to think of everyone's needs and trying to meet everyone where they are, including myself.

So it is, it's a lot to think through. Every day. Yeah, but I love 'em and I mean, it's amazing to see their growth and, yeah. But it is definitely a struggle. So your kids free today, get a break, but how have you been coping during the pandemic with your kids? [00:06:00] What have you found that works?

Yeah, so thankfully I've been talking to family about this also, our schedule. Because of Kim, his running his elopement, we have a hard time going to a lot of places already. So even before the pandemic, we didn't go to a lot of stores or we mostly spent our time outside and at home. So that really, I think, helped set us up for this situation because it wasn't a huge jump, you know, from being out around people all the time to nothing.

So we were already kind of ready in some ways. So it's a lot of time outside as much as we can. The kids love roller skating. They love swimming. They love, yeah, just being outside doing anything they can. So that, and then, even doing games inside the house together is fun, like pillow fights or box, like my youngest likes to, like, he's practicing boxing and he loves to, [00:07:00] like I put on the oven MITs, and then he has his little boxing gloves, which is so cute.

It's, it's fun. And, just trying to get their energy out. And then I work out also, so we're trying to like get all that energy from all of us. So it's, that's been good. Well, it's pretty funny. When we've had group, you know, the kids are there, three boys, like climbing all over her and poking her and mom, mom, mom.

And she's trying to focus on, her part in the group, and, you just do the best you can, right? Yep. Exactly. That's, I think it's learning to just roll with it, so it's like, yeah, and like the pandemic continues to teach us that I think is, we just have to be able to roll with it as it comes.

Wow. Oh, so tell us a little bit more about your upbringing. Were you raised in a Christian home? Not with my mom and my stepdad, who I lived with later, but my grandparents, who I lived with when I was little, they took me to the Nazarene Church and I was a part of that [00:08:00] community, so I was a part of a church.

I don't particularly remember learning about Jesus or, salvation in particular. I just remember just in general learning about. God in general. And so that's kind of how I was raised. And then when I moved in with my mom and my stepdad, they're not a part of any faith community. So I would go either with friends to church, and then when I was older I would just go by myself, drove, I drove myself there.

And and that's kind of how it started. What kind of relationship would you say you had with God? Was it personal? Was it God was distant or? Uh, I think when I was very little, I didn't feel like I had a relationship really, but always as I got older, I remember always feeling like he was there.

I remember always feeling like I didn't quite understand how I knew that, but he just, I just felt like he was there with me. And then as I [00:09:00] continued. Learning more and especially after Ava, or sorry, especially after my daughter was born, I really realized the connection with Jesus and got, had my relationship with God through him.

And so that's when it really became very personal. So like in the last 10 years, more so. Do you remember when you actually made that decision? Was there a day? Yeah, I don't remember the date, but, we had started having struggles in our marriage pretty soon after Ava was born and I was feeling so confused and so lost and like I needed to be doing more.

And so I was going through the Love Dare book and in there it was really a really good book for that moment. And it lays out. Scripture each day. And at the end, it gives you an opportunity to accept Jesus. And I remember being so blown away during that book because no one had ever explained to me the importance of Jesus [00:10:00] and what he did for me.

And so when I was like, why have I not heard this? Like, oh my gosh. And yeah. And so at the end I remember just sitting at the table crying, crying, like I could not stop crying. And it was like something inside of me just clicked and, yeah, so I said the prayer and, every, a lot of things changed after that and continued to change.

Wow. That's, I've never heard a story like that. You know, I had The Love Dare book, actually, the guy I was dating. Mm-hmm. That was abusive to me, gave me that book, and it was really strange. He tried to get me to go back to my ex-husband, who was my one abuser, and, it was an excellent book, but at that time.

There wasn't going to be any parting of the Red Sea Miracle with my ex-husband. I kept telling this guy, we're already divorced. It's over. Yes, I'm moving on. Yes. But it's amazing that you found Jesus through that book. I praise the [00:11:00] Lord for that. I know, and that's the, I think it's interesting because I started reading that book to help with the marriage.

And it did somewhat, but I think the most, it was cool because God met me where I was doing what I was doing, you know? And it didn't matter why I started it. Yeah. It's just so cool. Amazing. So what were your teenage years like? Did you have a lot of self-confidence growing up? Oh gosh. I would say no.

I mean, middle school was really hard for me. I had a lot of rejection and embarrassing things happen, and they kind of linked with the abuse. That happened when I was younger. And so that kind of, I spiraled quite a bit there and I just, I think, decided that I wanted to protect myself. And so I decided, okay, I'm gonna get straight A's in school.

I'm gonna run track and I'm gonna do [00:12:00] the best I can with that and I'm not gonna get in trouble. And I just made all these like promises to myself, I think, to protect myself. So I think I appeared on the outside probably like I had. I a lot of confidence, but it really was protection and so I don't feel like it was confidence at all.

It was all rooted in fear and trying to protect myself. So, no, I don't think I did. Mm. Now how did your grandparents play a part in your life? They were very significant. Mm-hmm. And they, yeah, they still, they're a huge part still. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to put into words everything that they've done, but

they gave me a safe place. They've always been a safe place for me. And no matter what they, I have never felt abandoned by them. I've never felt judged by them. I've never felt, like they didn't try to understand me so they've always, they've been a consistent, safe place. Throughout my whole life.

And [00:13:00] so even in those hard times, I, I did always know they were there. And, I would call my grandma instead of talking to my mom or anyone else, I would always call my grandma and talk to her. And she kind of helped me work through in college when I finally, I think I was hitting another breaking point in college when I was drinking a lot and really depressed.

Honestly, I was running track at a college and. Trying to perform still, but then partying also. And there were these two parts of me that were like colliding and it was so painful and I didn't know how to get out of this situation. And so she helped me a lot through that also. And then later with my realizing the abuse with Dan, with my husband, and deciding to make changes there, she helped me a lot through that Also.

Hmm. So yeah, her support has meant the world. I didn't really grow up with traditional grandparents. I didn't, my grandfathers died long before I was even cognitive, [00:14:00] and my dad's mother died when I was seven. And then my mother's mother, we didn't have a very close relationship because she was a very abusive person, and my mother mm-hmm.

Didn't, my mother didn't want us around her and she really was a, nasty person. But, so I didn't really grow up with grandparents. I think that's why I was always friends with a lot of senior citizens. Were my good friends because I didn't have grandparents. I had, teachers and coaches and, the next door neighbor.

Mm-hmm. I kind of clung too. So it was a blessing that you had have grandparents to be there for you and guide you through these tough times? Yes. Yeah. It's, it is. I mean, thinking about if I didn't have them, it's been hard enough. Even having that support. So I can't imagine not having that support.

It's been, it literally feels like a gift. That God has put there to help me [00:15:00] get through all of this. And, yeah. So I'm just really thankful. So we're gonna transition to the unsavory part of the podcast. When did you meet your husband and were there any warning signs, that there was going to be abuse?

So we met, we were both attending Arizona State University and we met there. We were part of a co-ed business fraternity. And, we met at a party and we, I mean, I felt like right away that I wanted to be with this person, even though I didn't know him. As I was telling you before, like I was in a really unhealthy place.

All through college. It's because I, everything from my childhood hadn't been addressed and was still, all that pain was under the surface. And I think I was just trying to cover it up any way I could by drinking, sleeping with people. And, that's kind of where our relationship started.

That's how it started in that [00:16:00] kind of context and. So we were both in a really unhealthy place. I think his, parents had just started the divorce process, I think when I met him. And he had a lot of pain from his childhood too. And so I think we both were just trying to cover up the pain. And so in the beginning I couldn't see any red flags because we were very similar, I think, in how we were.

Covering up things and living life. And so it wasn't until really, until we had kids, because my attention was divided between him and the kids and my, and needing to take care of myself once my attention was divided, that's when all of the. The pattern started bubbling up, so I couldn't see it until quite a bit later.

Mm. Wow. So when your children came along, you had a pretty dark time for you. Did you wanna share [00:17:00] about the, birth of your children? Yeah, I can. So my daughter's birth. Was overall good. We had to have a c-section because she was, she was not head down. She was bottom down and she did not wanna flip, which is totally, it's funny 'cause she's very, like kind of stubborn in her own way.

And so it's funny that she just was like, Nope. Like, I'm good right here. I'm not moving. And so yeah, the C-section went well and, but. I remember I felt so sad in the hospital. I was so happy to see her, but at the same time, I think seeing her face and seeing how vulnerable she was as a baby, I think triggered everything in me at a whole new level from what happened when I was younger.

So that's how her birth was difficult. And then, or my second child's birth. Was a slightly difficult Also, I was trying to have a [00:18:00] VBAC and the cord was wrapped around his, around his neck and his heart rate was dropping and so we had to go in for an emergency C-section. That one, went pretty well too.

Overall, given the circumstances and everything. So it wasn't until a lot, our third child's birth. That was really, really difficult. And during that I was trying for another vbac, which looking back I wish I had not done that. But I was trying because I felt like that's, I really wanted that experience.

And so I was trying and I found a doctor that would support me in doing that. And, um. It was, the birth was taking too long. I was kind of stalled in labor and they, I had an epidural and. I couldn't feel very much, but at one point I felt a pop. And this was as they were planning to get me into the [00:19:00] emerge, into the room to deliver, to via C-section.

They were already planning it. We were just trying to get in there once it was open and available. Mm-hmm. And I felt this pop as they were planning this. And, I didn't know to say anything because I didn't. No, anything was wrong. I couldn't feel any pain. And we get into the emergency room, no, still no one knows anything has happened.

And he's allowed to be awake and okay. And so I'm still awake and they find the, the rupture in my uterus. And I lost about probably half my blood and, and so that was very, very traumatic in and of itself. Getting out of the hospital was difficult because my blood still didn't look quite right to them.

My blood work and everything, they weren't happy with it. And so, but I went home. And decided not to get a blood transfusion. Just because I didn't feel comfortable with it. [00:20:00] I ended up developing a hematoma and an infection, and had to go back in the hospital and was on antibiotics. I think it was about a week I was in there and.

So when I came home, I was experiencing PTSD symptoms, but didn't understand that's what it was. Mm-hmm. I literally thought I was going to die all the time. I thought I was every minute of the day. Mm-hmm. I was checking to see what was happening in my body. Because I thought I was going to die for sure.

And so I kept wanting to go to the hospital because I felt like what if I'm, I missed the infection before, I didn't know I had this infection. No one was telling me that I looked sick, you know? And I could have died from that infection. And, so yeah, I kept wanting to go to the hospital to see a doctor, just to make sure I was okay.

And. I didn't understand what was happening to me, but at the time [00:21:00] he would tell me I didn't need to go to the doctor, you know, and yell at me that I, nothing was wrong with me, that I was fine telling me I didn't need to go to the doctor, making me feel bad about it. I was struggling to take care of the kids, because I was going through all this and not understanding what was happening.

So this is where I really, really started to know that something was wrong, in the marriage because of how he handled this situation. So. Yeah, this is his children that he's talking about Most, you know, normal people. If you're, if you're suffering and it involves your kids or your spouse, you're gonna take them to the hospital.

That's, that isn't normal. No. Even when I had the infection in my fever. I had started at home and I was shaking like I was, I couldn't stop. Like I would [00:22:00] shake out of the blue. My body would just, that's how far the infection had progressed. And he still was kind of telling me that I didn't need to go. But thankfully my doctor was like, you can come in tonight if you think you need to.

And I was like, yes, I need to. Yes. When can I be over there like yesterday? Yes. So was that the first time that you've experienced abuse by him or were there other stuff on top of the post pregnancy and delivery stuff? There was, I mean, there was stuff here and there definitely like control over money, like making me feel bad about buying groceries like that.

I spent too much, when I just, I mean I am very frugal. Like I love finding deals. I love all that. I mean, I am into that. I always have been. I am very particular about what I buy and mm-hmm. And I still, no matter how hard I tried to do a good [00:23:00] job, I would come home and it would not be good enough and it would be that I spent too much money.

And so, yeah, it's definitely control stuff. I saw I was happening before, but I kind of took it on as this is something I'm doing wrong. And so it wasn't until the medical stuff happened that I realized. That I started to realize a little bit that maybe it was something else. Yeah. You're not the only one that had that.

Mm-hmm. Had that problem with the spending money. I was in charge of getting groceries and buying all the Christmas gifts for his family, and it was always the same thing. You spent too much money and mm-hmm. And you bought too many groceries, like, well, why don't you try and get a full, week budget on a hundred bucks and see how good you do.

Exactly. Or you buy all the presents for your family and see how well you do on the budget you gave me. [00:24:00] Yeah. The control, the verbal and emotional abuse. Mm-hmm. It's not just physical folks. Your abuser can make your life a living hell without laying a finger on you. Yes, and I think that's what I'm realizing now is I still have physical, issues related to the abuse that happened when Elijah was born.

I have heart palpitations that I believe. Come from a mixture of what happened to me physically, but also what happened to me emotionally, that I felt so abandoned and so, confused during that time because of what was being told to me by, by my husband and. Yeah, and just realizing the extent that the damage goes, it's very different than, I mean, physical abuse and emotional abuse have some similarities, but Yeah.

The, depths doesn't change just because we can't see it [00:25:00] on the outside. Exactly. Mm-hmm. When did you decide, enough is enough? I need to get out now. Was there a specific day or an event? Well, there were two, I mean two, it happened twice. So it happened in North Carolina. He was continuing to escalate as far as like telling me he was suicidal, which I believe he is.

But he seems to, he uses it in certain ways to get me to stop doing things that he doesn't want me to be doing, like spending time by myself outside of the house or spending time with friends. Um. You know, not being able to have intimacy and things like that. So he uses that as a way to get me to stop.

And so that was escalating also. He had started using intimidation, punching walls in the house, that kind of thing. So, and the friend had [00:26:00] just, I had never, no one had ever told me that what was happening was abuse. And I didn't know. I honestly did not know. And someone had just. That who had come from an abusive marriage had pointed out to me that I had told her what was happening at home.

And she was like, that is abuse. And I was like, what? Are you serious? Mm-hmm. Like I was in shock that I didn't know that. And I think that was just a wake up call for me. When I have confronted it, he pushed back right against it and wanted me to come back home. He and, I, the kids and I had moved to a different house and, we're trying to figure out what to do and that's when I decided to move closer to my family.

And so that was the first time we got back together about nine months after we separated. 'cause I just, I think I. I was struggling physically to [00:27:00] handle everything on my own, plus dealing with my mental health. And it was really hard. And I think I was struggling with how am I going to do this? And I missed having someone to share life with.

I missed. And I thought, what if I'm wrong? What if I am, what if I'm wrong? And I'm just as messed up as he is? And, um, which I do have my stuff, but it's different. It's not the same. And so we got back together and then about, I think it was about three years after we got back together, all the same patterns had come back up.

Mm-hmm. And it had started transferring over to things happening with the kids that as far as control and just emotionally abusive language towards them. And when I started seeing how it was affecting the kids, that's when I decided. No, I cannot let this continue. Because seeing that affect them, how it could affect them [00:28:00] being exposed to that long term, I can't handle that.

So I think the kids have really, really helped me to do things for them and for myself that maybe I wouldn't, it would've taken me longer to do it if it was just for me, I think. So yeah, that's kind of how that happened. Yeah, I didn't have children early in the relationship. My ex didn't want kids right away, but then we were married about five to seven year mark then all of a sudden he decided he wanted to have children.

And by that time, I already knew I was trapped in a marriage that was abusive and I did not wanna bring children into this world and subject them to that. Because like you say, it's fun if it's just me, but now I have kids that I am in charge of and you know, it's going to affect them. So I just made the decision and I told him, I'm not having children.

Mm-hmm. [00:29:00] Sorry, I already have to deal with everything in the marriage that I didn't have. I wouldn't have had any, anything left. But, you made a lot of big points in that you didn't know that you were abused. And I was the same way. I was abused for 13 years and I used to call up my, one of my closest friends, and I used to cry every time.

You know, this man would do something horrible and I would cry, and what am I gonna do? And mm-hmm. And one day, you know, she tells me. I'm tired of you calling me up and telling me all your stories. Every time this man does something to you and you need to get out of there. He's an abusive man and I'm like, but the church won't let me get a divorce.

And she said, God is not going to not love you anymore [00:30:00] because you've made the choice to divorce this abusive man. That was the day that I, I woke up and I'm like, this is abuse. Mm-hmm. All this time, that's what this was. Mm-hmm. And I made the choice then and there, I need to make plans to get out. Mm-hmm.

So , when you decided to leave the second time, what were the steps that you took to get out? I. Hmm. Let's see. So what was that? Was it similar to the first time or was it different? It was a little bit different. I'm trying to think through it. I was more on my own this time. I didn't like, I didn't have someone, I wasn't seeing a counselor at the time.

I wasn't really a part of a group. I think I was the most isolated probably that I have been. [00:31:00] And so I really, I just, I think I talked to my grandma and just telling her what was happening. I also listened to some resources from Leslie Vernick and there was one in particular, I can't even remember what it was called, but it was about.

Oh gosh, I can't remember specifically, but it was how a man was treating his wife in the Bible. And I think it was the Levite, maybe the story of the Levite. And when I saw their, just the implications of abuse and the effects and the seriousness of it, and that's not what God wants for me. I think once I saw that.

I, that's when it really clicked. And I was also getting solo physically that I knew I had to do something. My body was starting to react, to all of the stress and [00:32:00] abuse. Heart palpitations, just constantly tense, feeling like something's going to happen. And so I think all of those things and seeing the effect on our kids, that's when I decided just to.

Let him know that I'm not okay with it. And I'm trying to remember even we had a conversation and I let him know, I think we need to be separated. And at the time he agreed with me that we need to be separated, but he wanted us to stay in relationship still, even though we were separated. But I knew in my head that I was done.

But it was good be that because that kind of started the process even though he thought that. You know, in his head he thought we would work it out eventually, I think it started the process and we lived in separate places. And then it just has continued from there with filing divorce. Hmm. So you're still in the middle of the divorce proceedings now, right?

Yes. Mm-hmm. What's your [00:33:00] interactions been with him, through this proceedings? It's been. Just on and off communication. He, that's with him. He's not outrightly like, glaringly abusive, especially in text messages. That's never been how he is really, it's more covert. So the communication part, except for about a year ago, we had a situation where he wouldn't leave the house and, that's when I stopped being able to let him be here with the kids.

But besides that, the communication has been minimal, thankfully. It's more been through money that the abuse has continued. And also through the legal proceedings, what he's asking for legally feels like abuse also. So yeah, he was like canceling credit cards and stuff on you. Yes, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's those like subtle, [00:34:00] under the radar where people won't notice really that the abuse is still happening. Yeah. So you look like the bad guy 'cause you're leaving mm-hmm. Your husband, but he's like, trying to sell the house out from under you and the kids and cutting your credit cards.

And it's like, how are you gonna feed the children? Where are they gonna sleep? I mean, these are your children. It's insane. Yeah. Your spouse makes you look like. Or makes you feel like you've lost your mind. Or like you said in the first time you left, well, maybe he's not that bad. Maybe I'm crazy.

Maybe it's not him, it's me. No, that's what they do. That's what they do, is they make you question your sanity and the reality of the situation. Mm. And that's still, that is the hardest part for me, especially right now with thinking about having to share my story with the court, with [00:35:00] people maybe who side with Dan.

And having him there in front of me as I share what has happened. I'm really struggling even right now with, yeah. Do I know what's real? Can I, can I hold on to that? And. Not get confused. Mm-hmm. So that's how the effects of psychological abuse go so deep. Like even if you know the truth, it can create this pattern in your brain where you start questioning yourself, questioning what you know.

And you and I tend to go back to. Seeing it as my fault. So I really have to push back against that and be around people who help me remember the truth and keep telling my, reminding myself of what's happened and this is real. This is not something that I'm making up. So how did you start the healing process?

Us? Oh gosh. I mean, I think it's been a constant process of trying to put [00:36:00] myself around people. Like I said, who will tell me the truth and, um, about myself and about the situation and how God sees me. So I went back to counseling. Recently after Mending Arm mending the Soul Group ended. I realized I needed to be around people still, and I needed people to speak that truth.

So I went back to counseling and that's helped a lot. Still listening to, voices that remind me. Of how toxic that kind of situation is, and that I don't need to stay in that environment. And also it's just, I think a process of acknowledging how much all of it hurt, acknowledging the damage that was done, and just the reality, letting myself accept the reality of the situation.

While also taking care of myself, like mentally, physically, and all of that. So it's definitely, it feels like a full-time, full-time job sometimes just, trying to keep myself going in the right [00:37:00] direction. But I'm definitely, I feel like I'm learning about what I need and, trying to meet those needs the best I can.

Would you recommend manning this all to others? What was your experience with the group? Definitely, yes, I would recommend it. Yeah, that was a first for me, being around other women who have been through abuse, and I think that alone is huge. Just being able to hear other people's stories and realizing that the patterns are the same, even though the situations are so different and the effects can be very similar too.

And, and also the steps to healing and processing what happened are so good. So it's just that combination of community with people who have been through it, and also the path to working through the, what happened to you. Well, I'm glad that it was so helpful to you. I've definitely seen some changes in you from the beginning when you joined the [00:38:00] group and now.

So that, I hope that's an encouragement to you. You seem so more confident and you recognize those red flags. You understand now what he's doing to you when he's talking to you. He is gaslighting you. He is narcissistic. He is being manipulative. You're recognizing those things, whereas you might not have seen those things before.

Mm-hmm. And, talking to our listeners that are going through abuse right now, or maybe they just left their abuser, what advice would you give to someone else who's being abused right now? Hmm. I think that, I would say to take care of yourself, and to think about what you really need. That it is not wrong to think about.

What you need and where you are at. I feel like a lot of times, especially in [00:39:00] Christian communities, we take on this idea that I think thinking about ourselves and what we need is selfish or wrong, and I feel like that kind of, that mentality set me up to stay in that situation a lot longer, than I probably should have.

So yeah, just considering what you really need, and. Getting people around you that will help you decide what steps you need to take, to get into a better position, a better situation where you can have healing, and, and just to yeah, feel better. So I would say, yeah, take care of yourself and get people around you that can support you and help you make a plan.

Very good advice. What would you say your relationship with God is like now that you've gone through some of your healing process? Hmm. It's definitely, it's good, but I do, I still [00:40:00] struggle with,

Not putting the characteristics. And protecting myself from God, I guess I have a hard time, like not distancing myself, and so it's always reminding myself that he is safe, that he cares about me, that he's leading me through this, and that I can trust him. So it is really good, but it is a constant,

a, a journey also reminding myself of the truth over and over so that I can keep coming back to him and not hiding. Oh, that's, that is so true. It is a journey and it's messy Sometimes it's, but God understands he's there and he's gonna be patient and waiting for you while you're still figuring things out and, mm-hmm.

Awesome. So like we have a music segment at the end of the episode. I don't suppose you're sing or play an instrument or juggle or anything like that. No. I play the, but I [00:41:00] don't have it. Oh, how about a joke? You got any jokes, kid jokes, cheesy jokes? No. Don't have any jokes? No. Oh, well, no. How about, I know that you have one of these.

How about what's a Christian song that really encourages you and that you just go to it whenever you're having a bad day. Oh my gosh. I think I mentioned this one during the group actually. Mm-hmm. I can't remember the title of it, but it's, it's the one, like, he's greater than All My Mistakes.

Gosh, I wish I can remember who, oh, I can't remember the name of the band. But anyway, it's something about, greater than all my mistakes, and if you type that in, it should come up. But it's amazing and it just talks about how, it's just such a peaceful song to me and just realizing that he really is, he's greater than all my mistakes.

The mistake that I made of being in a relationship with someone that's abusive. Mm-hmm. [00:42:00] Any mistakes I make with the kids, mistakes I make with putting characteristics on God that aren't him, anything that I do, nothing is big enough that is going to change his relationship with me. And that he's always there, waiting for me to, turn and look at him.

So, yeah, I love that song. I'll definitely put that in the show notes for people to look that up. 'cause I did listen to it when you mentioned it the first time and it is an awesome song. Yes. But I so appreciate you coming onto the show and sharing your journey with us. You're welcome. Thank you so much for having me.

So I hope you really enjoyed Ashley's story today. She had a lot of great nuggets to share with you, and I've heard her story before, of course, in a lot more detail, a lot more gory detail, but you can tell that she is an awesome lady, an [00:43:00] awesome mother who's gone through so much, so many challenges.

Yet, the Lord has really blessed her life, blessed her kids.

How did you feel about what Ashley said? Can you relate to any of the struggles that she's had that she's continuing to go through? You have a prayer request that you'd like me to bring before the Lord. I have my personal time with the Lord usually at breakfast time, so I'd be honored to pray for you.

So until next week. Choose one thing, just once, small thing today to get you closer to your healing goals. Thank you and God bless. Thank you for listening to the Wounds of the Faithful Podcast. If this episode has been helpful to you. Please hit the subscribe button and tell a friend. You could connect with us at DSW Ministries dot org where you'll find [00:44:00] our blog, along with our Facebook, Twitter, and our YouTube channel links.

Hope to see you next week.