“How are you doing?” We’re all so used to the quick, one-word answers to that question, but today, we’re going deeper. Debra Fileta is a much-loved repeat guest on the Awesome Marriage Podcast, and she has written a powerful new book, Are You Really OK?: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters. We’re so happy to have her on today to get real about learning whether we are really doing ok, how to know if we are or not, and why it matters!    We pray this episode is helpful to you and your marriage.     Subscribe to Podcast Email to make sure you never miss an episode and get noteworthy quotes, resources, and more delivered straight to your inbox!    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    RESOURCES    One great step toward healing and growth is Debra’s book, Are You Really OK? Email Debra@truelovedates.com to get the “Pastor’s Guide To Navigating Mental Health” for free Follow Debra at @truelovedates on Instagram  Visit True Love Dates for resources, great info and Debra’s awesome podcast series on mental health  Want to make the most of summer fun in your marriage? Our new  Summer Bucket List Date Design makes it super easy to plan a great date night!  Our  Questions To Help Your Spouse Open Up resource is designed to help grow the openness, communication and connection in your marriage   Subscribe to Dr. Kim’s Daily One Thing email and get a reminder to do 1 simple thing to grow your marriage each day.  Become a Marriage Changer and receive some sweet exclusive benefits. Learn more here!   

Are You Really OK? With Special Guest Debra Fileta  | Ep. 471

Far too many couples are just surviving their marriage when it was meant to thrive. This is the place for practical tips on how to build an awesome marriage. Our passion is to help you strengthen your marriage.

Dr. Kim Kimberling hosts the show. Dr. Kim is the President of Awesome Marriage, has been married for 53 years, and has been a professional counselor for 40 years. He is the author of 7 Secrets to An Awesome Marriage and 14 Keys To Lasting Love. 

Dr. Kim is joined by co-host Lindsay Few, Content Director for Awesome Marriage. She has been married for 20 years. Her husband is a church planter, and they love ministering to married couples together. 

Tune in each week to hear practical ways on how to have an awesome marriage!

This podcast is brought to you by the ministry of Awesome Marriage.

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Do you fight fair, or do you wish there was a referee to call a stop to the foul play when you argue with your spouse? Ground rules are an important step toward having healthy marriage conflict, so today Dr. Kim will spell out how to make sure you’re fighting fair in your marriage. We want to empower you to fight fair, and resolve issues in a kind and loving way.  If you need help to fight fair and truly resolve issues without making things worse, you will love today’s conversation.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     The DOs and DON’Ts of fighting fair    The side effects of unhealthy conflict    A healthy way to “let it all out”    Can honesty go too far?  How do you know?    Tips to the reconnection process - how to make up well      *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  QUOTES   “We both learned we needed to reconnect and apologize, but sometimes we werent’ ready to take that step at the same time. We had to learn that somebody needs to take the step. It doesn’t really matter who started the fight or who was wrong.”    “Taking responsibility is huge. Owning your part in it, even if you think you only did 10%, you still did 10%.”   “What are you sorry for? Be very specific in what you did and why you're taking responsibility.”   “I say it a lot: One of the best gifts you can give your marriage is to learn how to resolve conflict.”    Forgiveness and apologies need to have no strings attached. It’s just that I choose to do this.    We’re not just trying to clear a slate so our spouse stops bugging us. Have you repented before the Lord? That’s where this starts.    We are accountable to Him before being accountable to our spouse. Did I just treat my spouse in the way He would have me treat them? If not, I need to take that up with Him      QUESTIONS FOR YOU   When you really think about it, how did it affect your spouse when you had this conflict?    Repentance. Learning from the mistakes made and committing to work on them together.      MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar    Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.    If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.    TODAY is the last day for our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle! Don’t miss the chance to get 7 of our most-loved resources for 1 donation of ANY amount in support of the ministry of Awesome Marriage! Get all the details here!      

Ground Rules to Help You Fight Fair & Make Up Well  | Ep. 606

Sick of the same old fights over and over with your spouse? Learn to de-escalate marriage fights and resolve issues in a healthy and helpful way. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it is what matters most. Learning to deal with it well will benefit your marriage in so many ways! Tune in today to learn how.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:     Common conflict pitfalls to avoid   The problem with “winning” marriage fights    Tips to help you break the fighting cycle   What to do if one spouse is not ready to reconnect    DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:   Are you stuck in a conflict cycle? If so, work together to identify what’s triggering it.    Choose 1 tip from Dr. Kim’s list below that you will both agree to use this week.    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  QUOTES   “When we try our best to avoid conflict, we’re not really equipping ourselves with the skills to handle it well.” - Lindsay Few    “Awareness gives you some insight that can really be useful.” Dr. Kim Kimberling    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar    Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.    If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.    It’s here! Our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle is LIVE! That means you can get 7 of our most-loved marriage building resources by making 1 donation of ANY amount to support the ministry of Awesome Marriage! The bundle is available for a limited time only. Get all the details here!      

How to De Escalate Marriage Conflict & Resolve Issues | Ep. 605

Learn how conflict can create a deeper connection between you and your spouse. Today’s special guest, marriage coach Dana Che is very open about the struggles her marriage faced. In today’s episode she shares her marriage story, what got them through, and how you can use the conflict you face in marriage to draw you toward deeper connection.    We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     What we can learn from our conflict triggers   How to deal with different conflict styles in marriage    Steps to break generational cycles in your marriage    The power of speaking life to our spouse and our marriage    How being emotionally unavailable tends to show up in husbands and in wives & what to do about it       *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES   “As a wife, I knew I couldn’t change my husband … but that didn’’ keep me from trying.” Dana Che    “When you actually engage in conflict, you can start to learn more about your spouse, what’s important to them.” -Dana Che     “You’ve got to feed the right things if you want to change the wrong things.” - Dana Che    “Just like you learned that bad behavior, you can unlearn it and learn something new.” Dana Che    “True repentance is visible.” Dana Che    “What we believe, we will begin to speak. What we speak, we will begin to behave.” Dana Che     QUESTIONS FOR YOU   What does your most recent marriage conflict reveal about what’s most valuable to you?       MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Find more from Dana at DanaChe.com, where you can take her “Connection Check” quiz    Listen to the “Real Relationship Talk” podcast    Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd!     

Learn to Turn Conflict Into Connection with Dana Che Williams | Ep. 604

Why do Christians need counseling? Isn’t the Gospel enough to transform us? We hear these questions fairly often. Today Dr. Kim and special guest Jason VanRuler dive deeper into these questions and the conversation about the role of therapy and counseling in a life devoted to following Jesus. Don’t miss this helpful conversation! We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:     How often do clients have no idea that they haven’t gotten past their past?    Unexpected ways your past might be showing up & affecting your marriage today   Updating the negative messages we believe about ourselves    The effect of vulnerability on our marriage connection    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES   “Where there's a disconnect in relationships, it’s often a disconnect from the system we witnessed growing up and what we’re trying to make happen today.” - Jason VanRuler    “When we get comfortable, the old ways seep out to the surface.”  - Jason VanRuler    “Every time a client says a negative message about themselves, I ask, is that the message you think God gave you?”  - Jason VanRuler    “One of my great joys is working with people to eliminate distractions so they can focus on the truth and live the life God has called them to.”- Jason VanRuler    “If we want to feel connected and we’re not feeling connected, a lot of times that emotional intimacy and depth is the missing link.”  - Jason VanRuler    “When we get vulnerable and honest, it attracts intimacy from our partner and we have a different relationship.”  - Jason VanRuler    “The marriage we want is often on the other side of vulnerability. We just don’t often know how to get there.”- Jason VanRuler     QUESTIONS FOR YOU    Do you recognize any ways you haven’t gotten past your past?      MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Get Jason’s book, Get Past Your Past    His site: https://www.jasonvr.com/   If you’re ready to heal your marriage from p*rn, join us for the “5 Steps to Healing After P*rn Betrayal” LIVE webinar.  Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd!   

Should Christians Go To Counseling? With Jason VanRuler | Ep. 603

Are you a man living in the stress bubble? It’s when the years of marriage, career building and raising kids all happen at once. You’re figuring everything out, trying to be there for it all, and it. Is. Stressful. If you’re there, you want to hear from a godly dad who has been there.  We’re so happy to share this conversation with Jim Ramos. Jim’s wisdom and experience will equip and encourage you to be the husband and dad you want to be. Don’t miss this episode. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     Jim defines the 4 phases of fatherhood    Advice for the dad who never had a role model to guide him   Common mistakes dads make in the “stress bubble” years    Types of provision that the family needs from a husband / father   3 easy things Jim did that he recommends for all couples     *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  QUOTES   “Whether we tell our kids that we’ve made mistakes or not, they’re still noticing. Especially during those teen years.” - Jim Ramos   "Our families require much more than physical provision. The damage most men do has nothing to do with physical provision; it has to do with heart care and soul care.” Jim Ramos   “You don’t have to be flashy. You don't have to be Superman. You just have to show up.”   - Jim Ramos    “As men we have to realize our wife is the most important person on the planet, and it’s our job to make one person feel special.”  - Jim Ramos    “You will not be remembered for what you did 9-5, you will be remembered for what you did 5-9.”  - Jim Ramos      QUESTIONS FOR YOU   Jim shared 5 traits that set a “man” apart from a “male”:    Protect integrity Fight apathy  Pursue God passionately Lead courageously Finish strong each day    Which one of these is God calling you to grow in today?     MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Find Jim online @ https://meninthearena.org/   On instagram @themeninthearena   Get the book Strong Men Dangerous Times   Listen to the Men in The Arena Podcast   

Are You Really OK? With Special Guest Debra Fileta | Ep. 471

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