Baseball legend Yogi Berra had some of the all-time best quotes. Although he has been gone for nearly a decade, Yogi-isms are plentiful and are still thrown around for their hilarity and brilliance. One of his quotes relates perfectly to this episode: “You can observe a lot just by watching.”
Bartenders tend to observe a broad range of human experiences. They see people living fast, loud, full of celebrations, fights, and all kinds of regrettable decisions. They also see a side of our human experience featuring heartache, people questioning life’s meaning, and experiencing many shades of depression.
And that’s why I have wanted to interview a bartender to get a unique weigh-in on psychology. My opportunity presented itself when I was on a hiking trail in Colorado and bumped into Zeke. Zeke is a 19-year veteran bartender and his lighthearted, friendly, and philosophical vibe felt perfect for an episode that I’m confident you’ll love.



So, listen in as Zeke and I have a lively talk about bartender wisdom.

#119 Bartender Wisdom | Matthew "Zeke" Zeka

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Perfectionism. It can have its upsides and can catapult us to new heights. But it can also be stifling, cause pain to the perfectionist, and can cause pain to everyone around the perfectionist.
 
Many people who are perfectionists may not even realize it.
 
What is perfectionism, and why does it exist? What are the upsides and downsides? What effects can it have on an organization at work? And what effects can it have on life outside of work? How can the supervisor of someone who is hampered by perfectionism address their employee?
 
Dr. Greg Chasson (https://voices.uchicago.edu/gchasson/) is a professor of psychology at the University of Chicago Medical School. He has written a book on perfectionism in the workplace that I absolutely loved. Flawed is well researched, full of useful instruction, and really fun to read.
 
So, listen in as Greg and I talk about perfectionism, how it can affect perfectionists and those around them, and what can be done about it.

#208 Are You a Perfectionist? | Gregory Chasson PhD

Do you remember your 20s? Perhaps you are in your 20s! Regardless, for most of us, our 20s featured a different series of challenges than our teen years did. For many of us, we were just getting started with serious work, just getting started with serious relationships, and, oh, I don’t know, trying to figure out the rest of our lives.
Many of us traveled hoping to figure out who we were. Many of us were depressed and lonely. Many of us thought there was something profoundly wrong with us.
But as I have learned, there was generally nothing really wrong with us. We were in our 20s and that’s what that decade is like; it’s turbulent.
There are a lot of books on early childhood, late childhood, early adolescence, late adolescence, and books on various other stages of life including middle age and older age. However, there haven't been many books specifically looking at the decade known as our 20s.
That's where the guest on this episode comes in and, wow, how badly do I wish I had known during my 20’s the information we’re discussing! Dr. Meg Jay (https://megjay.com/)
 is a psychologist who specializes in treating people in their 20s. She’s written three outstanding books, and I cannot begin to tell you how much I love them! They include The Defining Decade, Supernormal, and her latest, The Twenty Something Treatment. Her books have received accolades high and low from the New Yorker, Slate.com, Adam Grant, and so many thought leaders it’s like a giant Meg Jay parade of fans. If there were such a parade, I’d definitely be in it and imagine that you will end up feeling similarly.
So, listen in as Meg and I talk about twenty somethings and what they need to know.

#207 Understanding 20-Somethings | Meg Jay, PhD

The current estimation that a marriage in the US will end in divorce is somewhere between 43 to 45%.
Divorce is also regularly cited as the second highest life stressor for Americans, just below the death of a spouse.Given the high incidence of divorce paired with the degree of stress it can incur, it’s a good idea to know more about it.
One of the top psychology experts in the field of divorce and child custody is my colleague, Dr. Michael Kerner (https://kernerevals.com/). Mike has performed over 450 child custody evaluations, and has practiced forensic psychology since 1986. Mike is the recipient of multiple awards including California Psychological Association’s Distinguished Contribution to Psychology in 2018.
Mike has been a mentor to many colleagues and certainly to me. His wisdom and gentle way of conveying it shows up in this interview.
So, listen in, as a top child custody evaluator talks about divorce.
Sources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single/201702/what-is-the-divorce-rate-really
https://www.dartmouth.edu/eap/library/lifechangestresstest.pdf

#206 Divorce, Children, and Custody Evaluations | Mike Kerner, Ph.D.

Cancer. The “C” word. The disease that is so feared, people often whisper it in sentences.
Yet, according to recent statistics, nearly 40% of us will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in our lifetimes. With numbers this high, it behooves us to know more about this feared disease.
I was recently captivated by an article written by a colleague, describing her own experience with cancer and I asked her to talk about it on this podcast. Dr. Anna Lock (https://cbtcarolina.com/cbt-therapist-north-carolina/) is a fellow psychologist in private practice and she serves as the Clinical Director at Psychotherapy Networker. I’m grateful to her for all she shared on this episode. 
Anna was diagnosed with cancer while she was a mom of a young child. She describes her experiences and identifies many of the services that are sorely lacking by the systems that treat people with cancer. She also offers insights and advice for people who are currently dealing with cancer or who are in remission from it. Her insight is similarly valuable for those of us who love someone at any stage with the disease.
So, listen in as Anna and I talk about a psychologist’s experience with cancer. 
Source: https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/understanding/statistics

#205 Breast Cancer: A Psychologist Talks about Her Experience | Anna Lock, PsyD

Imagine two students in college: one is a gay male, and the other is a straight super jock. The gay male is quiet and introverted, and the straight guy is extraverted to the point of being loud and into the old joke of throwing something at a person and shouting, “think fast!”
Can you imagine these two guys being friends? How about dear friends for 40 years?
Let's make it a little more interesting still: the straight guy would become a high achieving Navy SEAL. And he would also be the one to help his gay friend express his emotions more fully.
Will Schwalbe wrote a beautiful memoir chronicling his friendship with Chris Maxey and very intimate details of how each man supported the other. The book is called We Should NOT Be Friends and it has received acclaim from seemingly every major news outlet and was even named a New Yorker Best Book of the Year.
Those of you who know me know that I care a great deal about friendship. And this book hit a grand slam. So, I can't wait for you to hear my conversation with Will Schwalbe as we talk about friendship.

#119 Bartender Wisdom | Matthew "Zeke" Zeka

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