Below the Surface | Date Your Wife | Ep 108

The dynamic duo of Garrett J and Danielle K White hold nothing back in this week’s Date Your Wife podcast where they tackle the topic of Communication while candidly exploring the pros and cons of alcohol use in their marriage, the seemingly magical power women have over men, and how wearing frumpy lulu sweat pants and 40 pounds of excess fat around your midsection sends a clear message to your spouse that you don’t give a shit. *This is an encore presentation from April 3, 2018.*   The dynamic duo of Garrett J and Danielle K White hold nothing back in this week’s Date Your Wife podcast where they tackle the topic of Communication while candidly exploring the pros and cons of alcohol use in their marriage, the seemingly magical power women have over men, and how wearing frumpy lulu sweat pants and 40 pounds of excess fat around your midsection sends a clear message to your spouse that you don’t give a shit. *This is an encore presentation from April 3, 2018.* Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Deep Communication Is Vital Communication is vital to your sanity and the health of your marriage. At the end of the day, it’s about getting to a place where you can have hard conversations. Garrett & Danielle used alcohol to support them down that path. It opened up space where they could go deeper, beyond “surface” conversation. It also created the opportunity for them to experience sexuality with each other, even when they were arguing and fighting, which is a part of what kept them going. QUESTION What tools do you use that help you and your spouse have deeper conversations without setting off fireworks? Point #2: When Alcohol Becomes a Problem In time, alcohol was no longer working for them. Garrett had become less patient and was quick to lose his temper with Danielle and their eldest daughter, causing him to decide to walk away from alcohol (at the time of recording this episode.)  Danielle: On Date Nights, drinking was a treat and was fun for us. It allowed us to let go of the day and just relax. After work, I would come home and drink a glass of wine with dinner, but when that one glass turned into two or three, I realized I didn’t really want to be that person drinking a glass of wine every night. QUESTION What habits have you taken on in your marriage that are no longer serving you?  What would it take for you to make the decision to walk away from them? Point #3: Dress the Part How you dress sends a non-verbal message of energy towards your spouse every single day. Date Night changed everything for Garrett. He was dressing in an old plaid shirt, but when he started dressing up, he knew that he looked good and sexy, which translated into energy and confidence. Danielle: I’m a fan of dressing to feel on point. What energy am I putting off? Like I don’t give a shit? Instead of putting on my “mom” outfit, I’m going to throw on some jeans and some cute shoes just to make me feel like I have put myself together for the day. I feel better doing it, and I have a more productive day. QUESTION What changes are you willing to make to your wardrobe to reflect a sexier, more confident you? Point #4: Straight Talk Garrett: There are a lot of women who only dress up once a week on Date Night. I’m not telling you you have to dress up like a princess every single day, all day long. What I am telling you is this: how you dress impacts the energy of what your husband sees when he comes home. If he comes home to the “frumpy sweatpant lulu lady in constant ponytails,” there’s going to be a lack of attraction. Garrett: A vast majority of the married men that I have met are in worse shape than their wives. Men, your body did not go to the shitshow bringing babies into this world. This is like pushing a pumpkin out of your penis. You’re carrying bullshit weight, and your wife’s not turned on about it either – not just because of your body, but because you don’t feel powerful about the way you look. QUESTION Take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself: Would I be turned on by my appearance? Point #5: Let Me Hear Your Body Talk Garrett: Let’s pretend that your body is a witness of your commitment to your wife, that what you’ve done to your body and how it looks is currently communicating more to your wife about your commitment to your marriage than anything you’re trying to tell her. It’s not about six-packs, bikini beach bodies, or being super shredded. At the end of the day, you’ve got to be on point about the way you feel about your body, and inside of that, you have to feel on point about how you package yourself. It’s all about energy and what makes you feel confident. QUESTION How do you feel about your body? Communication Challenge: What can you do in the way you are currently presenting yourself to your partner physically? Write down something in the way you dress that would start sending the message, “Hey, I actually care about myself!” Date Night Topic: Talk about what you can do inside of your marriage that would allow you to isolate and discuss one or two of your problems as a couple. Quote of the Week: “To all you men who let their bodies go and never have to carry the children, you haven’t had to get pregnant or carry the baby for nine months and then push a fucking baby out of your penis. You literally have no excuse. You want to get laid, you want to get connected, but what are you communicating to your wife when you come out of the shower in a towel with your extra 30-40 pounds? No matter what, your wife is not turned on by this. Your lights are getting turned down, and there’s no show going on because you’re not actually showing that you give a shit.” —Garrett J White “Ladies, if you’re in a good mood and your husband’s in a bad mood, don’t let him bring you down to that level. Understand it’s probably not even about you. Walk a little sexy, be flirty, go kiss his ear a little bit, smile, rub up against him, turn on your charm. Whatever they’re pissed about will go away – they just can’t help it!” —Danielle K White