
Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today?



A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline.



* How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness has a section titled Personal Boundaries.* “… many of us find it difficult even to begin [to focus on ourselves] because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others.”* “Enmeshed” best describes my relationship with my loved one before Al-Anon * I didn’t understand where I stopped and someone else began, so naturally I tried to take responsibility for everything.* Discovering boundaries: internal and external* Internal: “this is mine, that is not mine” (also the “hula hoop” concept)* Serenity prayer is a big help here.* External: limits I set on my behavior and limits I set on what I will tolerate* I will make sure I get enough rest, despite how late anyone else wants to stay up.* I reserve the right to remove myself from uncomfortable situations* I won’t give you more than I am comfortable giving* Not exactly a slogan: “Givers need to set boundaries because takers have none.”* Why are boundaries important now?* At home with my wife (and dog) 24-7.* Both of us are working — we both need to respect our work hours.* Outside the home: honor distancing guidelines (boundary on my own behavior)* Respect others’ desires* How do I respond when others are not honoring my boundaries (distancing)?







Readings and Links



We read from Hope for Today, November 6; Courage to Change,  July 19, and How Al-Anon Works, pages 267-269



Feedback



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Boundaries Today – 330

12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.

Health & Fitness

Mental Health


Al Anon's Tradition 3 emphasizes the gathering of relatives of alcoholics for mutual aid, forming an Al Anon family group rooted in shared experiences and support. Spencer elaborates on how this mutual aid creates a safe space where individuals facing the impact of addiction can find solace and understanding. The only requirement for membership is the presence of alcoholism in a relative or friend, fostering a sense of unity and compassion within the group.



Spencer recounts his journey of seeking support in Al Anon meetings and the transformative power of mutual aid. The feeling of not being alone anymore, the exchange of experiences, and the shared path towards personal growth resonate deeply in his narrative. We find moments of realization, self-discovery, and the bonds formed through mutual aid in the Al Anon community.



One significant aspect of mutual aid within Al Anon is sponsorship, where experienced members mentor others in their recovery journey. Sponsors can provide guidance by asking thought-provoking questions, offering reflections, and empowering individuals to explore their motives and choices. Through sponsorship, mutual aid extends beyond shared experiences to personalized support and guidance tailored to individual needs.



In the tapestry of recovery and personal growth, mutual aid emerges as a force that nurtures resilience, empathy, and self-awareness. Through shared experiences, support without judgment, and a community built on understanding, individuals in Al Anon find strength in unity and healing.



Readings and Links



We read from A Little Time For Myself, an Al-Anon daily reader, p. 73 (March 13).



Judy asked “what do I do when Google Podcasts goes away?” See one person's recommendations for a new app.



Use our Subscribe/Follow page to follow the podcast in your new app. On an Android phone, tap the “Android” button.



Upcoming topics



We will be starting a new series of episodes on the 12 steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. 







Music from the Show





Bill Withers – Lean on Me





Sia – Breathe Me





Jason Mraz – Song for a Friend

Finding Strength in Mutual Aid: Insights from Al-Anon’s Third Tradition – 409


We find value in the shared experiences, wisdom, and support expressed in Al-Anon meetings. Sharing in meetings plays a crucial role in bolstering recovery, assisting in healing, and fostering a sense of community among attendees. However, we may hear instructions and conventions that seem challenging to adhere to at times.



Why do we share?



Sharing in an Al-Anon meeting invokes an atmosphere of sincerity, openness, and compassion. Speakers such as Heather and Spencer cherish the meeting as a platform to express their feelings, share their experiences, invite the shared experience of others, and most importantly, aid their path to recovery. Al-Anon’s third tradition suggests that we “[gather] together for mutual aid,” allowing us to learn from others' experiences.



How do we share?



Heather was challenged by her sponsor to try speaking from the heart during meetings. She was told that she should not aim to present a meticulously crafted speech but rather express her authentic feelings and experiences.



Despite being a vital recovery tool, sharing can bring about certain challenges. One of these is the common issue of oversharing. Heather highlights this by narrating an instance where she was challenged by another person's extensive sharing.







Creating a Safe Space



Creating a safe and trusting environment is crucial for effective sharing. Many meetings ask members to not “crosstalk”, where one person's sharing draws an immediate response from someone else. This helps to maintain this safe space. It’s essential for each of us to keep the focus on ourselves. This way, all attendees can openly share their feelings and experiences without feeling judged or interrupted.



Cultivating humility



Heather's reflection on this concept is insightful – our recovery journey is ours and ours alone. No share is more valuable or insightful than the other, and no member should dominate others with their contribution. Al-Anon's Tradition 8 (Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional…) reminds us that every attendee is seen as equal, each carrying their own experiences, strength, and hope.



Conclusion



Sharing in meetings is a pivotal practice in Al-Anon – one that encourages honesty, openness and cultivates a supportive community. With each share, we walk further from our pain and closer to serenity, helping us internalize the power of Al-Anon's founding principles.



Readings and Links



Heather read from Courage to Change, Nov 3 (p. 308)



We also mentioned these books: Reaching for Personal Freedom, Hope for Today, and Paths to Recovery.



Upcoming topics



I am planning a series of episodes on the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Kelsea Ballerini – Overshare





Rita Ora – Keep Talking





Jennifer Nettles – You Will Be Found 

A Deep Dive into Sharing in Meetings – 408


In February, 2023, Spencer gave a talk at the 71st Greeley AA Stampede. This is that talk.







Readings and Links



The Greeley AA Stampede is an annual AA conference with Al-Anon participation. Find out more at their website.



A listener asked about finding “speaker tapes” online. Two sources are XA Speakers and Recovery Radio Network.



A couple listeners have asked about the “adult child” oriented podcasts I've been listening to. They are Fragmented to Whole and Adult Child Podcast.







Music from the Show





Coldplay – Fix You





Sarah McLachlan – Sweet Surrender



Kimberly suggested this next song.





INXS – Don't Change

Spencer T talk at 71st Greeley AA Stampede


Listen to the experience, strength and hope, questions, and fears of 30-ish listeners of The Recovery Show. Hear from members on topics such as these:




* Coping with the effects of addiction



* The recovery process



* Working the Al Anon program



* Sponsorship in recovery



* Understanding self-centered behavior



* Acceptance of powerlessness



* Reflections on past recovery experiences




Here are few moments that you might connect with:



Sue wrote, “While listening to Debra C. share on your podcast, I realized she was telling my story. I took away many things, but mainly that ‘hands off, pays off’ is my new mantra.”



Mike said, “If someone is trapped and has no resources or outside help, and has been through this before, they may fawn. That is, they may become compliant or even take the side of the oppressor to soothe, distract, or somehow deflect or minimize the harm that is coming their way.”



From another Sue, “[Your podcast] has helped me find a path into the spiritual side of the program. This is something I never expected to be possible for me.”



Mary said, “Al Anon taught me that his alcoholism is about him, not me, and also that I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. But I sure can contribute to it. And I did do that by reacting in a way that was not helpful to him or me or the situation.”



Louise is “so grateful for the tools of recovery that have given me the ability to navigate the halls of alcoholism.”



There are many more moments such as these in the full episode.



Episode links



These episodes were mentioned by contributors:




* 402 Gossip



* 401 What is my Motive?



* 322 Deborah C – Hands Off Pays Off 



* 132 Living with Lies



* 381 Acceptance as a Gift of Recovery



* 394 People of Color in Recovery – Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging



* 403 Inaction and Reaction: Navigating the Path to Meaningful Action



* 9 Step 2



* 296 Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences



* 358 Al-Anon after Divorce



* 354 Making Decisions




Music





Lean on Me – Bill Withers





Listening to you – 406


The 12 steps are indispensable in the journey towards healing. They can spark enlightenment, foster growth, and propel personal transformation. In this episode, Spencer, Karen, and other contributors explore several approaches to working the 12 steps.



Acknowledging Variety and Personalizing the Process



12-step recovery does not have a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. Members apply the steps to their own lives in differing ways. The Al-Anon literature includes several guides to the steps, and sponsors may suggest yet other approaches. Some members may need to start with a deep exploration of their powerlessness, while others may need “emotional detox” before they can even start looking at the Steps.  



The Importance of Sponsors in the Recovery Journey



Assistance from sponsors, mentors, or “fellow travelers” can be instrumental in easing the 12-step process. Whether helping with the complex aspects of the journey or offering insights for self-development, the value offered by mentors can be immeasurable. Often, sponsors can help people identify the steps they need to apply the most, thereby confronting the challenge head-on.



Working the Steps: Different Approaches, Same Journey 



In the realm of recovery, three popular tools to work the steps in Al-Anon are the books Paths to Recovery, Blueprint for Progress, and Reaching for Personal Freedom..



Paths to Recovery offers a comprehensive guide through the 12 steps, with some questions that help focus thoughts and inspire deep reflection. It may present a long journey, sometimes up to two years per complete cycle, but with patience and perseverance, progress can be made.



Blueprint for Progress, another workbook, provides a detailed walk through Step four, conducting a deep dive into one's inventory, listing shortcomings and assets alike.



Reaching for Personal Freedom is a newer book. It guides an examination of the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts, focusing on how these can be applied to our personal lives.



The common thread with these books is their focus on applying the 12 steps to daily life, transforming not only habits but an entire inner worldview. 



Overcoming Challenges: The Essence of Step Four 



Step Four, involving a ‘Fearless and searching moral inventory,' can be challenging. It is during the process of Step Four that the strength and support of a sponsor becomes critical. Often, a sponsor will suggest a particular practice of working Step 4, usually because it is the way they have worked that step in their own recovery.  Some have found the “4 column” approach described in the book Alcoholics Anonymous to be useful. As a sponsor, however, we should also be sensitive to whether the proposed approach is working well for the person we are guiding.



An Ongoing Learning Process



Working the steps is an ongoing learning process, finding new layers of understanding and inner growth at every step. Some of us have found that we can apply the 12 Steps to particular incidents or actions in our lives, whether alcohol is involved or not. Sometimes a quick run through the steps can lead us to “promptly admitting” our faults, as suggested by Step 10. For most of us, working the steps is not “one and done” but is a lifelong process of personal growth. It is truly about a journey,

Boundaries Today – 330

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