We're all so lucky, don't you think? To have found the trashy teen soap that we were meant to be with? Who would have thought, at the beginning of the school year? The finale's upon us, so Jonathan and Rebecca haplessly messed with big kid recording equipment one last time to talk with you about KJ going full Donkey Kong, Veronica's descent from Breakout Character into malfunctioning quip-bot, Cheryl's Song of Ice and Fire, and some steamy post-Jubilee action. We've also got Rebecca on a Riverdale witch hunt, our guest Julie (@iamstripedhorse) making some eerie-accurate predictions, and our overall Season 1 ab-rankings. We'll see ya for more flatteringly-lit batshit next season, but until then, take our iconic spider brooch, won't you?