Christian Loneliness: How to Stop Being Lonely

We live in an age where people are more connected than ever through social media and email, yet loneliness is rampant in all age groups. It’s easy to feel lonely even when we’re surrounded by people both online and in our own lives. We’re not the only ones who feel this way.

Mother Teresa once said, “The greatest disease in the West today is not TB or leprosy; it is being unwanted, unloved, and uncared for. We can cure physical diseases with medicine, but the only cure for loneliness, despair, and hopelessness is love.”

In this post and podcast episode, I’d like to talk about how to cure loneliness if you’re a Christian. We’ll begin with asking the question, “Is it normal to feel lonely?”

Is it normal for Christians to feel lonely?

I would answer that question with a resounding “Yes!” Even Jesus felt lonely. In the Garden of Gethsemane He wanted his disciples with Him yet they were asleep.  I’m guessing He also felt lonely at the cross when so many of His disciples had deserted him. And I can’t imagine He didn’t feel lonely in ministry at times. Over and over, we see Him leaving the crowds and going off to be alone with His Father where He was strengthened to once again do ministry.

We also see King David who had both friends and followers feeling lonely. In Psalm 25:16, he prays, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.”

And we see Elijah, hiding in a cave in 1 King 19 feeling lonely. God says, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” And Elijah replies, “I’ve been zealous for you, Lord, but I’m the only one left!” Elijah was feeling alone in ministry. God basically tells Elijah, “You are not alone, Elijah! There are 7000 others besides you who haven’t bent the knee to Baal.”

Why does God allow loneliness?

So why does God allow Christian loneliness? Well, the simple answer is that God is not a micromanager! He lets us do our own thing, and often the things we do lead to loneliness. Technology also contributes to loneliness. Think back to the day before television, the Internet, and even the radio weren’t invented yet. My guess is that people were less lonely in those days because they spent more time visiting with each other.

I think God also allows Christians to feel lonely sometimes for things He wants to accomplish in our lives. I remember when several of my good friends moved far away when my kids were young. I was super lonely and unhappy in that phase of my life, but God used my loneliness to draw me closer to Him and also to mature in ways He wanted me to mature.

That said, God doesn’t want us to stay in our loneliness! The two greatest commandments, love God and love others, both speak to relationship. God wants us to be close to Him and others. And He wants us to love well. The more we do that, the less lonely we’ll feel. Loving others involves effort. And the interesting this is that working on breaking free from loneliness will lead toward loving others well. The first step to overcoming loneliness is to find out what is causing it.

What causes loneliness?

I can think of four different causes of Christian loneliness.

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Situational Christian Loneliness 

The most obvious cause is that we don’t have enough friends or family. Or we have friends but they’re not close friends. Or we have friends in our regular life, but we’re currently someplace else where we don’t have friends.  We may also feel lonely if we’re with a group of people who know each other well, yet we’re not part of their group.

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