Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction

By Allies in Recovery

What's Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction about?

This podcast series addresses topics relevant to families dealing with a loved one's addiction.

We are sponsored by AlliesinRecovery.net, *the* premier learning platform for friends/families seeking to become an effective Ally for their loved one. We teach a proven method of intervention that encourages treatment.

On AlliesinRecovery.net you'll find eLearning modules, expert hand-tailored guidance, specialized blogs, information on treatment options, and more. Learn about our membership packages on https://alliesinrecovery.net/

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Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction episodes:

04.12.2024
What are "Natural Consequences?"
You hear it a lot -- "allow for natural consequences." But what does that really mean? Natural consequences are the things you sometimes shield your loved one from -- whether it's a small conversation with someone who's upset with them,...
04.05.2024
A Closer Look at Two Situations
Our hosts discuss and offer advice on two stories and questions covered in the Allies in Recovery blog. First is a look at a woman who took a stand with her older sister -- who then dropped out of sight....
03.29.2024
How Do You Slow Things Down if it Feels Like Your House is on Fire?
You can become an agent of change by changing yourself. How do you step back, take space, change the dance from the usual interactions? You can't do that if you're moving too fast to assess things. Remember that change starts...
03.22.2024
Interview with Isabel Cooney, Pt. 2
In part 1, Isabel discussed intimacy and its role in applying CRAFT in a romantic relationship. In part 2, she discusses how she's handled issues related to kids, CRAFT, and talking to them about substance use disorder.
03.15.2024
Interview with Isabel Cooney, Pt. 1 of 2
In the first of two episodes with Isabel Cooney, our hosts discuss Isabel's experience with her former husband, and issues of intimacy -- how does it function as part of the CRAFT framework? Is it, should it be a reward?
03.09.2024
Intention vs. Perception
We intend to be supportive and helpful, and keep our loved ones safe. But our words aren’t always perceived that way. It’s important to become more aware of how we’re coming across, and to gain the tools to soften the...
03.02.2024
What's a Functional Analysis?
"Functional analysis" means figuring out what's happening -- to your loved one or to you -- in the moments before, during, and after a particular behavior. It might be a challenging or a positive behavior. It's a tool to help...
02.24.2024
Rupture and Repair
Presume you’ll have moments in a relationship that feel like gigantic rifts, or like uncomfortable separation and disconnect. That’s not a problem, but an opportunity to show that you’re changing and working on your part. Take full responsibility for your...
02.17.2024
Well-Worn Sayings
Some things get said a lot. Do they hold truth? Two get examined in this episode: "There's nothing to be done until they hit bottom," and, "To get day two abstinence, you need day one." Both bring our hosts back...
02.10.2024
Consistent Practice vs. "One-Offs"
Don't just use CRAFT now and then, or come and go from the practice. Learn the tools; let them get under your skin. Learn one thing at a time, and take it one day at a time. You don't have...
02.03.2024
Victim Stance: The "Why Me?" Episode
Does your loved one see things in terms of victimhood, in terms of what's done to them? Do you see your loved one's actions that way? Feeling victimized means you're being passive, having things happen to you. It can feel...
01.27.2024
Do They "Have to Want It?"
Sometimes, people say the person with substance use disorder "has to want" recovery before it will happen. Others even say they must want it more than their family members or allies. In truth, people are often ambivalent; the process is...
01.20.2024
What Does It Mean to Be an Ally?
Being an ally for a person with substance use disorder means stepping up beside them. Work with yourself so you can better see the opportunities to be a change agent -- for slow, methodical change. If your role is too...
01.13.2024
You Don't Have to Be Perfect
How do we move away from expecting perfection from ourselves? Through patience, compassion, and practice. Change is an incremental process. Embrace "beginner's mind," and don't be afraid to fail. Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them; practice until...
01.06.2024
Building Your CRAFT Muscle
To build new muscle, identify what you need to change. Begin with self-awareness, gained through pausing to consider what you want to do differently. Practice in small ways frequently, until it becomes habit. This self-awareness leads to self-care – accidentally/on...
12.30.2023
What Do You Do When You've Hit the Wall?
When you're beyond the fatigue of burnout, you're hitting the wall. Stressors have accumulated, and your emotions feel unmanageable. Step back. Claim your emotions, but state them briefly, making it clear you're going to go take care of yourself. Ask...
12.23.2023
When a Relationship Feels One-Directional
Do things feel one-way in your relationship to your loved one? Reframe it. You're taking your power back -- not to change them, but to change yourself, to grow and learn. If you're bringing your best self to the relationship,...
12.16.2023
Handling the Call Saying Treatment Is Terrible
Your loved one goes to treatment, and often a call follows -- a call saying the place is terrible, or the people aren't good, or for some other reason they want to come home. Your job? Hold the line. Don't...
12.09.2023
What Do You Want, and What Do You Need?
When you're dealing with difficult circumstances and the actions of others, it's important to shift focus from external to internal, to pause and check in with yourself and ask yourself what you need and want. Take your power back. We...
12.02.2023
Trust, Hope, and Expectation
When it comes to hope, trust, and expectation, what's our part, and what's the part of others? Hope is ours. It's internal, doesn't damage anyone, and is loose, open, and a way to stay positive. It's also ours to accept...
11.18.2023
The Season of Expectations
Having expectations for others can be a difficult trap. When we have ideas about how things should go, we often try to manifest those expectations and have other people do what we want them to do. Instead, learn to manage...
11.11.2023
Interview with Alex Ribbentrop
Alex Ribbentrop joins the Allies in Recovery hosts to discuss intergenerational trauma, substance use, the importance of family, and finding connection. Alex is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Qualified Supervisor, EMDR Trained Clinician, and Certified Family Trauma Professional, practicing in...
11.03.2023
Filling the Gap
How do you handle that difficult time when your loved one comes home from treatment, and is back in an old environment, complete with old triggers? It can be a time of depression and anxiety. Think about reconnection -- being...
10.27.2023
What Is Enmeshment?
Enmeshment is a blurring of the boundaries between people. How the other person feels affects you intensely. Enmeshment is one-way -- your thoughts, feelings, and choices are about the other person's well-being. Countering enmeshment means checking in with ourselves, calming...
10.20.2023
Do You Have a Plan and a Backup Plan?
What questions should you ask, and what plans should you make if your loved one is coming home? Dominique and Kayla discuss a family's question about a new living situation.
10.13.2023
How Do You Handle Anger?
What’s the impact of emotions on how we interact with loved ones? Learn to acknowledge, claim, and identify your emotions. Don’t discuss anything when you’re reactive. Instead, pause, check in with your feelings, and don’t take things personally. Have a...
10.06.2023
Ah-Ha Moments
When the noise dissipates and there's clarity, that's an "ah-ha moment." You can move forward in a different way. You might even find new commitment to a way of thinking or behaving that you didn't have access to before. Allies...
09.29.2023
What Are the Three Questions?
When you’re in the middle of crisis, feeling reactive or uncertain about what to do, use the “three questions” to helps create space and time and take the best action. What am I feeling? What can I do about it...
09.22.2023
The Storm Before the Calm
Just before change happens with your loved one, things often get chaotic. Know that it's small, consistent differences over time that create such change. Learn to avoid reactivity and embrace gentle, subtle change -- starting with yourself.
09.15.2023
Treat the Family, Improve the Outcome
We're all interconnected. The most effective way to help someone with substance use disorder is helping their family. Work on yourself and your communication as a family member, and the odds of your loved one seeking help increase dramatically. Get...
09.08.2023
Treatment and Recovery: the Allies View
Treatment and recovery are not black-and-white ideas. With CRAFT, it's a matter of progress, not perfection. We want our loved ones to heal, to get their lives back. But change happens over time, and there are many ways to get...
09.01.2023
Homelessness: A Complicated Problem
It's important to use the AIR community and local and state organizations to help you find housing resources and be a knowledgeable advocate. Offer those resources without pressure, for when your loved one chooses to take them, but also know:...
08.25.2023
What Allies in Recovery Adds to CRAFT
AIR is an applied version of the original CRAFT research. It focuses on the family as the center of a system which also includes the AIR community, and as integral to the healing of the person with substance use disorder....
08.18.2023
Does CRAFT Work for Couples, Too?
Though CRAFT is often used in parent-child or other relationships, its powerful tools work extremely well for couples, too. Learn how and why that's true.
08.11.2023
Should I Stop CRAFT If Treatment Begins?
The goal of CRAFT may be getting your loved one into treatment, but no matter the possible success of treatment, CRAFT tools and communication skills are a life-long practice and process of learning about yourself and your reactions, and becoming...
08.04.2023
Interview with Kathleen Cochran
Kathleen Cochran is a founder of Heart of a Warrior Woman and Facebook group Moms for All Paths to Recovery (MAP), places for mothers of children struggling with substance use disorder. Cochran practices harm reduction and supports individualized paths to...
07.28.2023
What If I Only Get 15 Minutes?
A listener writes in to ask what to do when there's only 15 minutes a day to talk to a loved one. How do you use that limited time? If they're using, you have to focus on the brief moments...
07.21.2023
Using CRAFT When Others Aren’t
Working with people who aren’t yet on-board with CRAFT? Learn the tools, and engage with the site, the podcast, and the groups. Put it into practice, even if you’re doing so alone. Look for chances to show the material to...
07.14.2023
How Do I Know When They're Using?
Our hosts examine two questions raised by last week's "functional analysis" episode: how do I know when my loved one is using? And what if they're using all the time? It's behaviors that matter more than whether you're exactly right...
07.07.2023
How Do I Use "Functional Analysis?"
The “functional analysis” of Module 3 is a powerful tool that helps you examine what happens around times of use, and move from reacting unconsciously to gaining a fuller understanding that allows for concious choices. So stop, take the time to go through...
06.30.2023
Interview with Brian Serna
Behavioral health trainer and consultant in Evidence Based Practices, Cultural Considerations, and Ethical Issues Brian Serna has taken CRAFT's practical applications quite far. He visits the Coming Up for AIR team to discuss his work with families and others in...
06.23.2023
Safety: Why It Comes First for CRAFT
For CRAFT to work, you have to be physically safe. Here's how you prepare yourself. Avoid denial; have an exit plan; learn to see red flags and de-escalate. Don't skip Allies' Module 2 -- it's essential.
06.16.2023
OARS: Don't Get Caught Downstream!
Try OARS to help you communicate. Kayla and Laurie discuss the three Os (offering to help, open-ended questions, owning your own part), plus A (affirmation), R (reflective listening), and S (sandwiching).
06.09.2023
How Do I Set Boundaries without Making My Loved One Angry?
How do you hold tough conversations? Be careful with your timing; have a plan; stay calm. CRAFT can help you learn the signs of your loved one being receptive, and give you the skills to communicate effectively in less-than-ideal circumstances....
06.02.2023
What Are the Challenges of Reflective Listening?
Reflective listening involves two simultaneous mindsets -- you're listening, and at the same time reflecting whatever your loved one says. Our hosts weigh in on good strategies for dealing with the difficulty of inhabiting those simultaneous mindsets, including curiosity, interest,...
05.26.2023
So What's PIUS?
PIUS is an acronym to help you communicate in tough moments. It stands for "positive statements," "I statements," "understanding statements," and "short, specific statements." Our hosts talk about what all that means and how you can implement it.
05.19.2023
An Interview with Christina Dent
Christina Dent, founder of drug policy advocacy nonprofit End It For Good, discusses her voyage as a foster mom who'd never seen addiction up-close. The experiences she gained through fostering led her to dramatically rethink her stance on drugs and...
05.12.2023
Triggers: What Are They, and How Do You Handle Them?
Triggers – when something pulls you back into your past, into old physiological reactions and emotions – happen to all of us. Becoming resilient means not avoiding them or pushing them aside, but digging in to repair yourself. If you’re...
05.05.2023
How Do You Get Past Accumulated Trauma?
How do accumulated negative feelings and trauma impact you and your relationship with your loved one? How do you get past them, to a better place? In part, it's about breaking the contract of the usual interactions and cycles --...
04.29.2023
Reflective Listening, Intentional Dialogue, and Improving Communication: Episode 69
Ever felt baffled or enraged by communicating with a loved one? Check out this popular episode from 2021, hosted by Isabel Cooney, Laurie MacDougall, and Kayla Solomon. What is "reflective listening?" How does it work? What are the benefits for you,...

What's Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction about?

Download our free app to listen on your phone

Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction episodes:

What are "Natural Consequences?"

A Closer Look at Two Situations

How Do You Slow Things Down if it Feels Like Your House is on Fire?

Interview with Isabel Cooney, Pt. 2

Interview with Isabel Cooney, Pt. 1 of 2

Intention vs. Perception

What's a Functional Analysis?

Rupture and Repair

Well-Worn Sayings

Consistent Practice vs. "One-Offs"

Victim Stance: The "Why Me?" Episode

Do They "Have to Want It?"

What Does It Mean to Be an Ally?

You Don't Have to Be Perfect

Building Your CRAFT Muscle

What Do You Do When You've Hit the Wall?

When a Relationship Feels One-Directional

Handling the Call Saying Treatment Is Terrible

What Do You Want, and What Do You Need?

Trust, Hope, and Expectation

The Season of Expectations

Interview with Alex Ribbentrop

Filling the Gap

What Is Enmeshment?

Do You Have a Plan and a Backup Plan?

How Do You Handle Anger?

Ah-Ha Moments

What Are the Three Questions?

The Storm Before the Calm

Treat the Family, Improve the Outcome

Treatment and Recovery: the Allies View

Homelessness: A Complicated Problem

What Allies in Recovery Adds to CRAFT

Does CRAFT Work for Couples, Too?

Should I Stop CRAFT If Treatment Begins?

Interview with Kathleen Cochran

What If I Only Get 15 Minutes?

Using CRAFT When Others Aren’t

How Do I Know When They're Using?

How Do I Use "Functional Analysis?"

Interview with Brian Serna

Safety: Why It Comes First for CRAFT

OARS: Don't Get Caught Downstream!

How Do I Set Boundaries without Making My Loved One Angry?

What Are the Challenges of Reflective Listening?

So What's PIUS?

An Interview with Christina Dent

Triggers: What Are They, and How Do You Handle Them?

How Do You Get Past Accumulated Trauma?

Reflective Listening, Intentional Dialogue, and Improving Communication: Episode 69