Cross the Line | Date Your Wife | Ep 081

Being married can be a complete shit show AND amazing... all at the same time! While most marriages end up in sedation, disconnection and/or divorce, Garrett and Danielle have committed to creating something a little bit better than that and a bit more fun. Join them in this week's podcast that doubles as their very own therapy session as they engage in a conversation about the all-important topic of communication. * This is an encore presentation of a previously aired episode from May 2018.   Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….COMMUNICATION Point #1: Less Roommate, More Spark You can be comfortable with somebody and respect them, and maybe you don’t fight, and things are generally good, but there’s no spark. Your idea of a night out is coming home from a long day at work, throwing on your sweats and watching Netflix together…and then you wonder what happened to that spark you used to feel. Date Night is one of the ways the sparks continue to fly between Danielle and Garrett. Danielle loves getting all dressed up for Date Night and treats it like an actual date like she did during their pre-marriage days. She inspired Garrett to level up his game from his go-to flannel shirt to his now custom-tailored design jackets. QUESTION When was the last time the two of you dressed up and stepped out on the town together? How did it make you feel? Point #2: Sugar ‘n Spice Garrett: Inside the communication game, people sometimes think that it’s the spice they’re trying to get rid of. When I define spice, I’m talking about arguments, disagreements, giggling, laughing, joking, having fun, getting angry at each other, fighting, battling, debating, having crucial conversations – it’s everything! Danielle: There’s a lot of spice in our marriage, and we collide a lot with our personalities – both in good ways and in ways where we piss each other off. Spice, for me, is “I fucking hate you,” which turns into “I fucking love you.” QUESTION How do you keep your marriage fresh and spicy? Point #3: Love Notes Making daily deposits into your family’s life is part of living the Warrior’s Way, which is part of something called the CORE 4. Men typically don’t know how to communicate their feelings and don’t send love messages to their wives, which Garrett believes many women would love receiving from their husbands. While Danielle acknowledges the daily texts from Garrett, her love language is found more in spending quality time together with him, like doing these podcasts or going on Date Nights. She sends texts of encouragement when she senses he’s having a stressful day, which messages Garrett loves receiving as part of his love language. QUESTION What are your thoughts about giving or receiving love notes? Point #4: Give and Take Garrett: In my world, I had to learn that it was ok to buy my wife shit. It was a very hard thing for me, and I questioned how buying gifts for her made me more valuable as a husband. Danielle: Because I can buy my own things, I felt like I had to submit and let Garrett buy me gifts, which is one of my love languages. I wanted him to be the man, yet at first, I wasn’t allowing space for him to do that. QUESTION Why are you stopping your spouse from giving you what you say you want to receive from them? Point #5: Dance With Me Garrett: As you can tell, we’re still working on this, which is the ability actually to communicate with and understand the language of our partner. Inside of that, we get to choose to do two things: 1- appreciate the love language they receive in, and 2-learn to give the love language that the people we’re married to want to receive. QUESTION What does your daily dance of communication look like? Communication Challenge: Danielle: Garrett needs to be told, “I love you,” but my communication style is different. How about you? Is your communication style verbal or silent? What about your spouse’s? Do you think one is wrong and one is right? Date Night Topic: For women, what is your husband’s love language, and how can you cross the line a little bit for him? For men, how can you cross the line a little bit for your wife? Quote of the Week: “I’m essentially making love to the ocean because she accepts me every morning.” —Garrett J White “We’ll argue about a topic, and one of us has to reach over to the other side and reciprocate eventually. You have to cross the line in order to make it a little more peaceful in your home.” —Danielle K White