Dating as a Single Parent

When my daughter was just three weeks old, I became a solo mama. I had to leave an abusive relationship, and from that moment, my whole focus was on her. Dating wasn’t even a thought. I was in survival mode, pouring everything I had into keeping her safe and well.

For the first year and a half, it was just us two. My days were full of nappies, sleepless nights, and trying to put one foot in front of the other. But when she was about 18 months old, I felt something shift. I’d survived those raw early months, and a little part of me began to wonder if love might be possible again.

So, I dipped a toe into online dating. Back then, it wasn’t apps on a phone — it was a website called RSVP. And that’s where I met my husband. He came into my life when my daughter was two. He didn’t just love me, he cared for her too, stepping up as a father figure. We got married, had our son, and for a while, we built a family together.

When our marriage ended, I gave myself time. Two years, to be exact. Time to heal. Time to find myself again. Time to just be a mother before I could even think about being someone’s partner.

When I was ready, I tried again — this time on Plenty of Fish. And I had a surprisingly good experience. I met someone I connected with instantly. Emotionally, mentally, physically — it all clicked.

We ended up sharing eight years together. From the start, I knew there was an issue. In fact, after our second date, I told him I didn’t think we should continue because of it. He begged me to give him another chance, promised he’d work on it. And while he never really did, there was so much good in that relationship too.

My daughter became very unwell during those years, and he stood by me through it all. He gave me support I’ll forever be grateful for. Truly, I don’t know how I would have made it through those dark times without him. That relationship wasn’t wasted — it gave me love, companionship, and strength when I needed it most.

But eventually, the cracks that were there from the beginning never healed. My beautiful son and my partner never fully clicked, and the tension between them was hard to live with. As the years went by, I realised I wanted more. He wasn’t a bad man — in fact, he was a good one — but he wasn’t the right one for me and my children.

And most importantly, he wasn’t meeting my needs as a woman. Because dating as a mama isn’t only about our children. It’s about us too. We aren’t just mothers. We are women, sensual and sexual beings who crave intimacy, passion, and connection. That part of us matters just as much as the part that nurtures and protects.

The Challenges of Dating as a Mother

Dating as a mama isn’t the same as dating before kids. There are layers of complexity that only mothers truly understand:

👶 When to introduce your children

This is the question that keeps us up at night. Too soon, and the kids get attached before we’re sure. Too late, and our lives never really blend. I’ve learned it’s about following your instincts — you’ll know when it feels secure enough to bring them together.

👥 Blending relationships

Will your kids and your partner get along? Sometimes it’s beautiful, and sometimes it’s painfully difficult. When it doesn’t work, it can leave you feeling torn in two, like your heart is being pulled in different directions.

💔 Heartbreak for children

It isn’t just us putting our hearts on the line. Our kids can grow to love someone, and when that person is no longer around, they feel the loss too. I once met a man who adored his stepchildren so much that he stayed in their lives even after separating from their mother. That kind of love left a mark on me.

⏳ Finding time for yourself and a partner

When your kids are young, time is scarce. Babysitters, schedules, exhaustion — it all makes dating harder. But I learned that making time for myself wasn’t selfish. It was necessary.

🌙 Intimacy and sex

Let’s be honest, this can be tricky. Even with the children’s father, intimacy after kids takes effort. Add in dating someone new, and it becomes a juggling act of timing, privacy, and logistics. It’s not impossible, but it does take creativity — and a partner who understands.

What I’ve Learned Along the Way

💗 Healing takes time

Don’t rush back into dating. Two years may feel like forever, but for me, it was exactly what I needed.

🌸 Trust your instincts

If you notice a red flag, listen. Those little gut feelings are there for a reason.

👧 Protect your children’s world

You don’t need to rush introductions. Take your time, protect their hearts, and move at a pace that feels safe.

🪞 Be proud of being a mama

It doesn’t make you less attractive — it makes you stronger and wiser. Own it.

🔥 Embrace your sensual self

Motherhood doesn’t erase your womanhood. You still deserve passion, intimacy, and desire. Don’t silence that part of yourself — it’s vital.

✨ Stay hopeful

Yes, dating as a mother is harder. But harder doesn’t mean impossible. Love is still out there, and when it comes, it can be even richer, because it’s love that embraces your whole life — the nurturer, the mother, and the sensual, sexy woman you are.

Dating as a mama is complicated, messy, and sometimes exhausting. But it’s also a chance to rediscover yourself, not just as a parent, but as a woman. Through every chapter of my journey — leaving an abusive relationship, building a family, surviving divorce, finding love again, caring for my daughter through illness, and walking away when I needed more — I’ve learned this:

We are not just mothers. We are women, with needs, desires, and dreams of our own. And we deserve love that honours all of it.

💬 What about you? If you’ve dated while raising kids, what has been the hardest part for you, and what has been the most rewarding?

Join the community at mydatinglounge.com — it will redirect you straight to where we gather. Inside, you’ll find connection, conversation, and encouragement from women just like you.

Love

Ayesha

(solo mama to a 13 year old boy who is going to be an amazing partner one day and a 19 year young woman learning about relationships for the first time)