Who knew that Dr. Suess was inspired by the Puritans when he wrote The Grinch? Well, we don’t know that he was, but we also don’t know that he wasn’t. So we’ll just pretend together. It’s a war on Christmas, but it didn’t really work out how the Puritans wanted it to.

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'Elevator' music: Darren Curtis

Theme song: rap2h and Calamity Casey