Pillow Talks

EPISODE 209: Mental Load: The #1 Desire Killer


Listen Later

Does sex feel like a chore to you?

According to 86% of our audience? Yes.


Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list.


But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all.


Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the weight of every single thing it takes to adult…


It’s not that sex is a chore: it’s that chores are sabotaging your sex life!


In this episode, we’re breaking down how mental load affects desire, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction (spoiler alert: a lot more than you think).


And of course, we’re sharing practical tools to help lighten the load and bring the connection back.


💛 Here’s what we’re covering:

  • What mental load actually is

  • Why resentment and “keeping score” kill intimacy

  • What happens when your partner starts to feel more like your kid than your teammate

  • How to have more conversations about sharing the load

  • What you can do today to start shifting the dynamic

    Whether you’re feeling unseen, exhausted, or just plain over it—this episode is here to help you feel more supported, connected, and so much less alone.


    ⏰ Last chance to snag 2 of our most supportive tools in the shop! ⏰


    The Mental Load Workbook and Your Best Week Ever are officially retiring on May 25th. These are the last few days to grab these super affordable and potentially life-changing products.


    We designed them to help you:

    • Rebalance the invisible labor in your relationship

    • Get on the same page with your partner (without nagging or blowing up)

    • Reconnect emotionally and physically—even when life is busy

      These are the strategies that helped us transform our own dynamic — and we want that for you too!


      🗓 Sunday, May 25th is the final day to buy them a la carte.


      🧠  Mental Load Workbook: 👉🏻 https://shop.vmtherapy.com/mental-load-workbook?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209

      💓 Your Best Week Ever 👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209



      STAY CONNECTED:

      📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

      💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.  Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

      🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!


      =================================

      THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

      =================================

      👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow

      👏 Thanks StoryWorth. Save $15 during their Father's Day sale ➡︎ https://storyworht.com/pillow.

      👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW

      👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match.

      Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

      ...more
      View all episodesView all episodes
      Download on the App Store

      Pillow TalksBy Vanessa & Xander Marin | QCODE

      • 4.9
      • 4.9
      • 4.9
      • 4.9
      • 4.9

      4.9

      2,379 ratings


      More shows like Pillow Talks

      View all
      Sex With Emily by Dr. Emily Morse

      Sex With Emily

      6,776 Listeners

      Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy by Cloud10

      Foreplay Radio – Couples and Sex Therapy

      1,970 Listeners

      Sexology by Dr. Nazanin Moali, Ph.D, Psychology of Sex | Couple Therapy | Sex Education

      Sexology

      420 Listeners

      The Bad Girls Bible - Sex, Relationships, Dating, Love & Marriage Advice by Sean Jameson

      The Bad Girls Bible - Sex, Relationships, Dating, Love & Marriage Advice

      864 Listeners

      Shameless Sex by Amy Baldwin and April Lampert| Pleasure Podcasts

      Shameless Sex

      2,978 Listeners

      Come Curious by Florence Bark & Reed | QCODE

      Come Curious

      380 Listeners

      Orgasmic Enlightenment with Kim Anami by Kim Anami

      Orgasmic Enlightenment with Kim Anami

      1,473 Listeners

      Sex and Psychology Podcast by Dr. Justin Lehmiller

      Sex and Psychology Podcast

      275 Listeners

      Honeydew Me by Emma Norman & Cass Anderson

      Honeydew Me

      530 Listeners

      That's Orgasmic with Sexologist Emily Duncan by Emily Duncan

      That's Orgasmic with Sexologist Emily Duncan

      109 Listeners

      The Horny Housewife by Jordyn Hakes | Pleasure Podcasts

      The Horny Housewife

      1,477 Listeners

      The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Coach Alexandra Stockwell, MD by Alexandra Stockwell, MD

      The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Coach Alexandra Stockwell, MD

      152 Listeners

      Luvbites by Dr. Tara by Luvbites by Dr. Tara

      Luvbites by Dr. Tara

      138 Listeners

      The Mel Robbins Podcast by Mel Robbins

      The Mel Robbins Podcast

      20,541 Listeners

      Girls Gone Deep by Elle and Vee

      Girls Gone Deep

      228 Listeners