Today, I am giving more attention and support to a listener's question, who writes "How do you deal with a partner who stonewalls?" In this episode, Dr. Jessica Higgins discusses:   What stonewalling is and what it entails.  Common dynamics and patterns that lead to one partner withdrawing or stonewalling.  What is often underneath the stonewalling behavior and what it feels like on the receiving end. Research findings about the differences between men and women as it relates to stonewalling.  Over time, the pain of stonewalling can be devastating to the emotional bond and relationship.  Tips for how to get off the destructive track of the pursuer-withdrawer pattern, so that we can find our emotional balance and start a softer, more positive and constructive conversation with our partner.   Mentioned:  Shifting Criticism into Connected Communication - Free Guide Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Romantic Relationships, by Dr. Susan Johnson ERP 213: How Shame And Grandiosity Relate To Self-Esteem - An Interview With Terry Real (podcast) ERP 210: How Emotionally Intelligent Men Are Key To A Lasting Relationship - An Interview With Kyle Benson (podcast)   Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins:  Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins Twitter: @DrJessHiggins Website:  drjessicahiggins.com  Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!   If you are interested in developing new skills to overcome relationship challenges, please consider taking the Connected Couple Program or engaging in relationship coaching work with me.   

ERP 217: How To Deal With Stonewalling In Relationship

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Loneliness and disconnection in relationships can often stem from unmet needs for emotional connection. When one partner reaches out for support, validation, or understanding, and their bids go unnoticed or ignored, it can lead to feelings of isolation and alienation. This lack of responsiveness can create a sense of being unheard or unseen, deepening the emotional distance between partners. Over time, repeated instances of unmet bids can erode trust and intimacy, leaving individuals feeling unfulfilled and disconnected in their relationship. In this episode, Laura Heck and Dr. Jessica Higgins delve into the importance of turning towards your partner in a relationship to address feelings of loneliness and disconnection. By understanding the bidding system in relationships and learning to respond with empathy and curiosity, individuals can build stronger connections with their partners. This episode emphasizes the significance of acknowledging past traumas, developing new skills, and fostering grace and understanding to overcome emotional barriers and create a more fulfilling and intimate partnership. Laura Heck is a licensed marriage and family therapist, Certified Gottman Therapist, co-host of Marriage Therapy Radio, and host of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work workshop for couples. She speaks and trains for The Gottman Institute and is a regular media expert on the topic of intimate relationships. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 05:30 Laura Heck's journey into relationship support. 11:22 Understanding bids for connection in relationships. 16:27 Importance of positive to negative ratios in relationships. 21:23 Exploring bids and responses in relationship dynamics. 26:03 Understanding shutting down in relationships. 31:37 Responding to criticism and harsh startups. 33:18 Repairing miscommunications and misunderstandings. 42:32 Building compassion and empathy in relationships. 45:16 Addressing trust and misunderstandings in relationships. Mentioned The Gottman Institute The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (*Amazon affiliate link) (book) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication  Connect with Laura Heck Websites: marriagetherapyradio.com Facebook: facebook.com/marriagetherapyradio Twitter: twitter.com/forbetter_us Instagram: instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio Podcast: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marriage-therapy-radio/id1295458667?mt=2 (Apple Podcast) Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 420: The Importance Of "Turning Towards" In Relationship — An Interview With Laura Heck

How can we cultivate a culture of emotional safety within our relationships, where vulnerability is embraced and recurring negative patterns are met with empathy and understanding, rather than defensiveness or blame? Traumas, whether subtle or overt, can fuel recurring negative patterns that gradually erode the foundation of a relationship. These unseen wounds, left unattended, can manifest as distress and conflict, undermining the very fabric of our closest bonds. In this episode, we delve into the depths of these dynamics, exploring how awareness, vulnerability, and proactive communication can pave the way for healing and transformation. Join us as we navigate the complexities of attachment styles, emotional safety, and the power of corrective emotional experiences in forging healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick, are distinguished Therapists and co-authors of "Help For High-Conflict Couples." Jacqueline Wielick is the owner of her practice, Therapy by Jackie, and is known for the empowering, empathetic, and engaging style she brings to her work. Jennine Estes Powell is a dedicated therapist for her clients, and is the driving force behind Estes Therapy, a thriving group practice in San Diego, the go-to hub for couples counseling. She also trains therapists globally. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 07:52 Jennine and Jacqueline‘s personal journeys into emotionally focused therapy. 13:03 Distinguishing high conflict from regular conflict. 20:13 The subtleties of trauma, challenging stereotypical perceptions of traumatic experiences. 23:18 How differing attachment styles can create communication barriers within relationships. 28:15 The evolution of relationships: Understanding the shift from early romance to bonded attachment. 34:53 Individual and couple strategies for recognizing and addressing attachment insecurities. 40:54 Repairing relationship patterns through vulnerability and repetition. 55:59 Accessible support and resources. Mentioned Help for High-Conflict Couples (website) (speaking events)  Help for High-Conflict Couples: Using Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Science of Attachment to Build Lasting Connection Paperback (book) (affiliate) Shifting Criticism For Connected Communication  Connect with Jennine Estes Powell Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com | estestherapy.com | jenninepowell.com Instagram: instagram.com/estes_therapy TikTok: tiktok.com/@jennine_estes Connect with Jacqueline Wielick Websites: helpforhighconflictcouples.com| jackiewielick.com Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 419: How to Identify and Break Negative Cycles (Especially High Conflict Cycles) in Relationship — An Interview with Jennine Estes Powell & Jacqueline Wielick

Emotional immaturity can hinder our ability to form healthy connections and make sound decisions. But is it truly possible to overcome emotional immaturity, even if you've experienced significant developmental setbacks or challenges? Similar to research findings that suggest it's possible to develop more secure functioning or earn a secure attachment style later in life, it's feasible to achieve emotional growth and maturity. In our fifth installment on the topic of emotional immaturity, we uncover practical strategies and insights to foster emotional growth. With a focus on seven key practices, including creating a safe space for growth and honing interpersonal skills, the discussion offers a roadmap for enhancing emotional intelligence. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone exhibiting signs of emotional immaturity, it's crucial to consider revisiting the recommendations outlined in episode 416. Engaging in heartfelt, candid conversations with your partner about the importance of cultivating emotional maturity can pave the way for mutual understanding and growth within the relationship. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 6:48 A recap of the previous episodes on emotional maturity. 9:13 The dynamic nature of emotional maturity highlights its placement on a continuum that allows for growth and development. 14:21 Establishing a safe practice environment. 21:28 Embracing emotional awareness and connection. 26:39 Accepting emotional growth as a continuous process 31:30 Cultivating conscious regulation skills. 36:12 The importance of engaging in honest and uncomfortable conversations 41:44 Taking ownership and accountability within relationships. 45:19 Cultivating interpersonal and relational proficiency. Mentioned Signs of Emotional Immaturity: How to Identify and Support People with Emotional Immaturity Emotions as Honored Guests (article) The Value in Pain and the Pain in Value | Lode Dewulf | TEDxVlerickBusinessSchool ERP 276: Understanding the Need for Both Self-Regulation and Co-regulation in Relationship – An Interview with Deb Dana ERP 261: How to Strengthen Your Relationship from a Polyvagal Perspective – An Interview with Dr. Stephen Porges ERP 140: How Pain and Suffering Increase & What to Do About It ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? ERP 411: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? Part Two ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & the Difference between Emotional Immaturity and Emotional Abuse? Part Three ERP 416: What to Consider If You Are in a Relationship with an Emotionally Immature Person — Part Four Relationship Map To Happy, Lasting Love  Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 418: How To Build More Emotional Maturity In Relationship — Part Five

Many individuals and families encounter a common challenge: the struggle to harmonize their values, aspirations, and objectives. This issue is compounded by the inherent differences in perspectives, priorities, and communication styles within these relationships. When aspirations clash and priorities diverge, it often leads to misunderstandings that escalate into tensions and conflicts. Maintaining harmony becomes a daunting task without a clear understanding of each other's goals and values, leaving couples and families adrift in a sea of discord. In this episode, we delve into practical strategies for crafting a shared mission statement—a tool designed to align individuals and unite them in pursuit of common objectives. Through insightful discussions and actionable steps, listeners will discover how to identify core values, engage in constructive dialogue, and cultivate deeper understanding and connection with their partners and loved ones. Join us as we explore the power of intentional communication in fostering stronger, more harmonious relationships. Dr. Heather Browne, PsyD, LMFT, helps people recognize the power of communication, one of the most important skills we possess. However, often, we fail to consider our understanding, approach, and belief, and consequently, miss out on our potential. No two individuals perceive reality in the same way, despite our belief in shared understanding. Harnessing this revolutionary awareness has enabled her to transform communication within oneself and other types of relationships. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 04:45 Dr. Heather Browne’s journey of healing and growth. 08:57 The significance of self-awareness and conscientiousness in personal growth, particularly in identifying areas of consistency and growth. 12:38 The transformative power of a mission statement. 20:28 The importance of understanding and accommodating differences in stress responses and soothing methods within a relationship. 23:57 Tailoring relationship goals to individual values. 29:12 Navigating irreconcilable differences in relationships through effective communication and collaboration. 40:19 Nurturing self-discovery and inner alignment. 51:54 The importance of crafting and regularly revisiting a mission statement for individuals, couples, and families as a tool for fostering connection and guiding communication. Mentioned How to Feel Less Lonely, Create Meaningful Connections and Love | Heather Browne | TEDxMountRubidoux (YouTube link) (video) Speaking with the Heart: Transforming Your Relationship and Communication with Compassion and Connection (*Amazon Affiliate link) (book) ERP 355: The Importance of Creating a Shared Reality in Relationship — An Interview with Dr. Heather Browne ERP 372: How to Work Together in Relationship for a Strong, Secure Connection — An Interview with Dr. Stan Tatkin ERP 389: Understanding Our Stress Language as Well as Our Partner’s Stress Language for Better Living & Loving — An Interview with Chantal Donnelly  Connect with Dr. Heather Browne Websites: drheatherbrowne.com Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086978599835&mibextid;=LQQJ4d YouTube: youtube.com/@dr.heatherbrowne Instagram: instagram.com/dr.heatherbrowne LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drheatherbrowne TikTok: tiktok.com/@heathermbrowne Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 417: Why Every Couple Needs A Couple Mission Statement — An Interview With Dr. Heather Browne

Emotional maturity stands as the cornerstone of a thriving and meaningful bond between partners. Yet, navigating the intricate landscape of emotional immaturity within relationships presents its own set of challenges. In this episode, we delve deep into this crucial topic, shedding light on how emotional immaturity impacts the dynamics of relationships and providing invaluable resources to aid individuals in navigating this intricate terrain. Building upon insights from previous episodes, we explore methods for identifying signs of emotional immaturity, understanding its roots in development, and differentiating it from emotional abuse. The overarching goal of addressing this subject is to foster awareness and encourage deliberate efforts in honing emotional and relational competencies. Join us as we uncover key insights into recognizing and addressing emotional immaturity, paving the way for stronger, more resilient relationships. Check out the transcript of this episode on Dr. Jessica Higgin's website. In this episode 08:23 The challenge of recognizing emotional immaturity in relationships. 20:19 The emotional toll of carrying the relationship load. 28:22 Stability challenges for the emotionally mature partner. 29:03 Strained enjoyment. 29:49 Coping with lack of intimacy in relationships. 32:11 Struggle with confidence and conflict resolution. 34:29 Practical steps for addressing emotional immaturity in a relationship. Mentioned What is emotional immaturity and how can it impact relationships? 11 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships & Ways to Deal  ERP 410: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship?    ERP 411: What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationship? Part Two   ERP 413: How Does Emotional Immaturity Develop & the Difference between Emotional Immaturity and Emotional Abuse? Part Three  Connect with Dr. Jessica Higgins Facebook: facebook.com/EmpoweredRelationship  Instagram: instagram.com/drjessicahiggins  Podcast: drjessicahiggins.com/podcasts/ Pinterest: pinterest.com/EmpowerRelation  LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/drjessicahiggins  Twitter: @DrJessHiggins  Website: drjessicahiggins.com   Email: jessica@drjessicahiggins.com If you have a topic you would like me to discuss, please contact me by clicking on the “Ask Dr. Jessica Higgins” button here.  Thank you so much for your interest in improving your relationship.  Also, I would so appreciate your honest rating and review. Please leave a review by clicking here.  Thank you!    *With Amazon Affiliate Links, I may earn a few cents from Amazon, if you purchase the book from this link.

ERP 217: How To Deal With Stonewalling In Relationship

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