




A crucial step in understanding your erotic imagination is making a clear distinction between FANTASY and DESIRE.  Many people try to start talking about sex by saying something like “Tell me about your fantasies. . .”  While this is a great question to ask, you can run into trouble if you mix up Fantasy with Desire. 



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In this encore episode, originally published in 2013, we explore:



* the crucial difference of Fantasy Vs. Desire* how to release shame and judgement about “troublesome turn-ons”* how to safely share fantasies with a partner* why it is important to get curious about fantasies



Explore Your Fantasies, Name Your Desires



Here are some of our interactive resources to help you explore your fantasies and name your specific desires so you can get more of what you want! Ready for more? Join The Pleasure Pod & Unlock Members Only Resources



* Questions & Conversation Starters About Fantasy Vs. Desire* Name Your Desires: Fill In The Blanks Worksheet





Fantasy Vs. Desire

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Shame is one of the most common sexual struggles. Shame is a social experience of feeling unworthy, unlovable, not belonging or lesser than. Shame tells us we have to hide parts of ourselves to fit in, get along or avoid rejection. Shame tells us we are broken, sinful, gross or otherwise unworthy of belonging.



Shame tells us if we were to be truly ourselves, we wouldn’t belong. Shame lies to us, and holds us all hostage in an invisible web-like grip of cultural myth and misinformation.



While not all shame is sexual shame, almost all of us struggle with some form of sexual shame – from body shame to faith-based shame, from kink shame to genital shame, almost everyone holds some form of shame around their sexuality.



A goal of shame resilience is to help those who feel shame feel empathy, connection, power, and freedom instead, emotions that can be considered the opposite of shame.

Shame Slayers Unite!


Mapping your Peak Erotic Experiences is a powerful practice to mine your personal history for clues to creating a better sex life for your future! 




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The Peak Erotic Experiences Practice comes to us from the late great Dr. Jack Morin, author of The Erotic Mind, who suggests that we use our own Peak Erotic Experiences, our sexual “highlight reel” to look for clues about who we are as erotic beings. He proposes that what worked best for you in the past is very likely to work again in the future. This simple but powerful tool puts you in control of naming what turns you on most authentically.



In this exercise, we invite you to use memories of your Peak Erotic Experiences to create a map of the elements of what makes sex hot and memorable for you specifically.



This is a quick interactive experiment that will help you reveal the landscape of your authentic desires. We recommend repeating this exercise at least once a year, and anytime you feel stuck or unsure of what you are craving from your lover.



Map Your Peak Erotic Experiences



1. Spend some time and scan through your erotic history. Then pick one or two Peak Erotic Experiences – these are the moments when sex was the hottest, most satisfying, most fulfilling for you. Allow yourself to focus on those “off the charts” memories – even if they were with an ex, even if they were a long time ago.



2. Remember these experiences in vivid detail. Recall the situation that led up to the encounter, the environment, the mood, the smells. What were you wearing? What language did your lover use? What happened? The more vivid your memory, the more effective your map will be to creating more sex like this in the future.



3. Pick 3 qualities that you want to experience more of. Write them down. Then, you can share with your lover or not, your choice. What is important now is to actively create the conditions that will allow more fulfilling sex in the future. By naming what worked for you in the past, you are poised to recreate those turn-ons in the future.




Now you are ready to begin examining your peak erotic experiences. Think of them using two seemingly mismatched metaphors. Peak turn-ons are precious jewels. To fully appreciate their glittering facets, it is necessary to gaze at them from different angles. Yet peak experiences are also onionlike. As each layer is peeled away you uncover additional information not visible on the surface ~ Dr. Jack Morin, The Erotic Mind


Map Your Peak Erotic Experiences


Erotic Touch Activation is our Pleasure Mechanics process to awaken your touch, activate your hands as erotic tools and sensitize your sense of touch. Erotic Touch Activation allows us to shift out of “working hands mode” where we use our hands for functional touch and into using our hands as erotic tools of sensing, feeling, listening, and creating pleasure.  






Ready for an Erotic Touch Activation? Join us on Sunday March 24 for a live community call and experiential practice session in Erotic Touch Activation practices – enroll for free at PleasureMechanics.com/live



Why wait to ignite your erotic touch? Get started tonight: dive into our erotic touch training here – or go all in for a lifetime of erotic exploration with us with our All Access Pass.



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Erotic Touch Activation


The Five As of Erotic First Aid : What To Do When Good Things Go Wrong






As Chris recovers from a recent sex injury, we share the five steps of offering Erotic First Aid. From broken bed frames to thrusting gone askew, we share stories of sex injuries and accidents and offer a reliable framework for responding with care, getting the help you need, and staying connected. 



Big thanks to our episode sponsor Factor Meals for keeping us well fed this week! For ready to eat, restaurant quality meals shipped directly to your door, go to FactorMeals.com/Pleasure50 , use the code Pleasure50 for 50% off. 



No matter what kind of sex you are enjoying, sex accidents and sex injuries can happen in any moment – often when we are deep in pleasure or high on arousal! Accidents happen, and HOW you respond to the moment is crucial. A little preparation can go a long way to create a calmer response in the heat of the moment, so tune in to equip yourself with our five-step framework for providing your lover (or yourself!) with Erotic First Aid. 



The 5 A’s of Erotic First Aid are:




* Awareness



* Assessment



* Action



* Aftercare



* Accountability




Want to share your story of a sex accident or injury, or what kinds of Erotic First Aid have been most useful to you? Record us a voice memo here and share your story with the Pleasure Mechanics community!

Erotic First Aid





Praise can feel like loving strokes that go right to our soul’s sweet spots, giving us the affirmation, acceptance and encouragement that so many of us crave – but can also cause embarrassment, discomfort or even humiliation! Some people love being praised for their physical appearance, and others find this distracting. In this podcast episode, we explore erotic praise, praise kink and the full range of emotions that receiving praise can evoke. Get to know your specific relationship with praise, discover if you might have a praise kink, and learn how to praise your partner just how they like it, all in this free episode of Speaking of Sex with The Pleasure Mechanics!



Thanks To Our Episode Sponsor:




* Explore Dipsea Stories for an immersive erotic soundscapes, explicit stories and more. Use the code PLEASURE for an extended 30 day FREE trial!



* Find discounts and offers from all of our sponsors at PleasureMechanics.com/Toolbox


Fantasy Vs. Desire

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