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After regaining my voice after losing it entirely & impossible to NOT HEAR the mumbling & outpourings (frustrations & "trauma" at the time I didn't realize was going to be the foundation for STEP ONE in combination with NWMH [Northwestern Memorial Hospital, Chicago, IL] of those around me, mostly the person sabotaging my cat & myself (who picks a storage unit that is on South Side when we live on North side?) my words first bubbled up in rhyme.

I was able to find that first phone (Samsung) that recorded it & when I listened, it's pretty alarming. That is recorded somewhere in the internet since I created 23+ sites to contain what we know as ptsd, but what I've called "p"ictures, "t"ouches, "s"ounds disordered because they're lyin' & prefer to remain shock & awe.

The fact I'm podcasting much sooner than the deadlines lets me know I have more than 2 days in a row back. Meaning, if today is Monday & I have to do something Thursday, my body will revolt until it's closer to that day, reliving the ANXIETY, ANTICIPATION & DREAD of having to sit with NWMH specialists for their DBT/CBT since they require a one-on-one psychologist who prescribes Rx even though I was very clear that I would not take Rx & wanted "to do this cognitively & behaviorally."

I'm starting to add media which is the "noise" that actually taught me to drown out the other noise before I built up the stamina to talk & talk & talk---my voice & my words DROWNS OUT theirs---& I created multiple YouTube channels to identify what words were #THEBEST for trauma, beginning with the phone calls from 9/11 since these were first person accounts & artifacts of history, human experience/condition/reflection, sadness, grief & visualizing/imagining the horror of knowing... yup... this is it. 9/11 because I called 911 & all 4 police officers told me WRONG INFORMATION so youTube & those videos/voices in grainy grays & unambiguous acquiescence combatted THAT TRAUMA.

So, what does that mean?

As I listened to NEWS, my body responded, mostly with wildly overactive & throbbing/burning nerve pain in my fingertips only dampened by repetitive movements & why, knowing what I know now after 9 years recovery (round 1 in 2013 & round 2 in 2015) is that all the things I made for my wedding, non-stop, was what was helping NERVE PAIN so I just moved my fingers, literally using pens until the ink went dry to know, "it's over." 

The issue with physical with mental abuse is the back-and-forth toggle between the two creates intensity & severity at any time, and if you have chronic pain due to nerve radiculopathy & muscles that just don't work is that pain is reinforced as good until it's very very very bad. I'll elaborate more on this & thank you to the couple who allowed me to relive the impossible---male/female tag twats*.

*tag team implies helping & in this case, this duo are in cahoots. How many more tag twats will we uncover along this quest? 

***there is no audio of 9/11 in this podcast***

SmarterThanTrauma™
©SMART E MC 

MEDIA : 

Virginia Woolf’s voice, 1937 – "Craftsmanship" (with the closing lines), BBC broadcast / subtitled | betapicts | https://youtu.be/zcbY04JrMaU
Captain Sir Tom Moore Reflects On Wartime Memories & Future Ambitions | Piers Morgan's Life Stories | ITV | https://youtu.be/LkZZgqskKSE
Accidental ASMR | Phantom Thread Entire ASMR Scene | Team ASMR | https://youtu.be/cK64jw_PFYw

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