Just to be clear, I am ALL FOR forgiveness.  I have talked about on the Save The Marriage Podcast and on my Thriveology Podcast.

And in a marriage, there are ample opportunities to practice forgiving.  "Every-day forgiving" and big-time forgiving.  In such an intimate relationship, you are going to step on toes, hurt each other's feelings, make bad decisions -- and still have to figure out how to move forward.  You do that by forgiving.

BUT (and this is a big BUT, which is why I capitalized it and bolded it) that does not mean the "forgiven" has carte blanche to keep up the behavior that required the forgiving. (By the way, not to chase a tangent, but did you know that carte blanche means "white card" or "blank card," meaning a check that is blank, but has been signed?  In other words, a "blank check.")

When someone is forgiven, it is not permission to do "it" (whatever the "it" is that causes the need for forgiveness).  Forgiving is a decision to move forward.  It may or may not include moving forward in relationship.  But it is deciding to move forward in the face of something that happened.

There is a saying that "the first time is a mistake, the second time is a choice." I would add, "the third time, on, it is a habit."  Forgiving something is not an open opportunity to repeat the behavior.

Similarly, an apology is not an opportunity to repeat the behavior.  It is an acknowledgement of a mistake and an opportunity for change.

One apologizes AND takes the opportunity to change (I have a podcast on apologizing).  One forgives, SO THAT the hurt and pain can be left behind.

Listen to the podcast below for more.

(. . . and if you need to catch up on the Immutable Laws Of Marriage series, here are the older episodes:)

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series

#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE

#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)

#3 We ALL Have Fear

#4 There Is NO Pause

#5 Connection Is The Lifeblood

#6 The Goal Of Conflict Is Progress

#7 Love Is What You Do

#8 Look For The Best In Your Spouse

#9 You Have To Show Up

#10 Civility and Respect Is A Choice

#11 Trust Is A Gift