We all know that good boundaries are pretty much essential if we want happy relationships. There is a lot of confusion, though, about what exactly a boundary is and how to make it work. Can we have too many boundaries? Should we ever compromise on the boundaries we set?

This week Andrew talks about boundaries with Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton, psychotherapists and co-founders of the London Centre of Applied Psychology. Matt and Graham share their own experiences of creating good boundaries in both love and parenting, and what it means if we are struggling to get this right.

Our ability to set boundaries is linked closely to our attachment style: those with an anxious attachment may allow their boundaries to crumble too easily; while those with an avoidant attachment can have so many rigid boundaries that they struggle to let anyone in.

Andrew also shares a prayer for good boundaries, which he often uses with marital therapy clients:

'I am me and

You are you.

It's a miracle that we've found each other

But I'm responsible for my stuff

And you're responsible for yours'

Graham Johnston is a psychotherapist and educator. He is Director of Policy at The Bowlby Centre, the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy, and has also worked for the UK Government, specialising in home affairs. He and Matt Wotton are the Co-Founders and Directors of LCAP. 

Matt Wotton is a psychotherapist and executive coach, and also Chair of The Bowlby Centre and Director at LCAP. Matt has over two decades of experience in forensic mental health in the criminal justice system - in operations, coaching leaders, and advising ministers. He led the review of Race in the Criminal Justice System (The Lammy Review), commissioned by the Prime Minister, and has been a member of the Prison & Probation Board. 

Follow Up

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Learn more about the London Centre for Applied Psychology (LCAP), where Graham Johnston and Matt Wotton work as Directors.

Learn more about The Bowlby Centre,  the UK’s leading training institution in attachment-based psychotherapy.

Follow LCAP on Twitter and Facebook @LCAPsychology.

Read The Mindful Athlete by George Munford.

Read the poem “On Marriage” by Kahlil Gibran.

Read Andrew’s book on making meaningful change in your life, which also discusses attachment theory Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and be Stronger, Wiser and Happier.

Read Andrew’s blog Three Secrets of a Happy Relationship:

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall