An email from a newly-married wife who is interested in sex more in the evening while her husband in interested in the mornings. Plus, he masturbates regularly during the day.

A message from Instagram asking what kind of feedback we get from our willingness to talk frankly about sex and relationships.

On the Xtended version ...

A husband emails asking how to bring up the subject of sex when for 18 years it's been clear it's not something his wife will talk about.

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Hostage Taking #522

Straight-forward, honest conversations and actions to create a life and marriage fully alive!

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Health & Fitness

In this conversation, Dr. Marty Klein joins me and discusses the importance of reframing the conversation around sex and challenging our ideas about sexuality.

We emphasize that sex is not just a behavior, but an idea, and that our ideas about sex shape our experiences. He highlights the need for individuals to have a sense of agency and the ability to shape their own sexual experiences.

We also address common conceptions people have about sex, such as the belief that it should be a continuous, seamless connection, and the exceptionalism around sexuality. He encourages a more realistic and accepting view of sexuality, where not every sexual encounter needs to be transcendent or perfect.

We also talk about how foreplay is about getting mentally and emotionally tuned into the sexual experience. It's important to leave behind the cares of the day and focus on the connection with your partner.

Plus, as we age, our bodies change, and it's important to adapt and explore new ways of pleasure. 

Learn more about Dr Klein here - https://www.martyklein.com/

Takeaways

Sex is not just a behavior, but an idea that shapes our experiences.
It is important to challenge and examine our ideas about sexuality.
Having a sense of agency and the ability to shape our own sexual experiences is crucial.
Not every sexual encounter needs to be perfect or transcendent; a more realistic and accepting view of sexuality is needed. Foreplay is about mentally and emotionally preparing for sex.
Planning and scheduling sex can be beneficial for busy adults.
As we age, our bodies change, and it's important to adapt and explore new ways of pleasure.
Knowing what you want in sex is just as important as knowing what you don't want.
Sexuality is a local experience, not an express one.
Communication, experimentation, and understanding your own desires are key in a satisfying sexual experience.


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The Idea Of Sex | Dr Marty Klein #671

This week let's talk about jealousy. Shanenn Bryant joins me for a conversation about overcoming jealousy in relationships.

Shanenn shares her personal journey with jealousy and how she discovered that she was not alone in experiencing these feelings. She explains that jealousy is often rooted in past experiences and a lack of self-worth. 

The conversation provides practical steps for moving forward and overcoming jealousy, including identifying and changing insecure habits. We also discuss the difference between fear and intuition.

Learn more about Shanenn here https://www.topselfpodcast.com/




Takeaways

Jealousy is a common emotion that can be rooted in past experiences and a lack of self-worth.
Overcoming jealousy requires self-awareness and a willingness to change insecure habits.
Differentiating between fear and intuition is crucial in addressing jealousy.
Open communication and trust are essential for building healthy relationships.

On the Xtended Version ...

In the XTD content, Pam and I discuss how the topic of jealousy and insecurity has played out in our life, as well as what can be done about it. 

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Jealousy and Insecurity | Shanenn Bryant #670

In this episode, we dive into how marriage is simple but difficult, and emphasize the importance of honest conversations.

Then we move into the main focus of the episode -- an email from a husband who feels that his wife wants to be wanted but doesn't want to want.

There are complexities of desire discrepancy and sexual frustration in every marriage. So waht do we do with them?

We also touch on the vulnerability and shame associated with discussing sexuality and the deeper parts of our lives.

Takeaways

Marriage is simple but difficult, and it requires honest conversations and a willingness to face challenges.
Desire discrepancy and sexual frustration can be common issues in marriage, and it's important to have open and honest communication about these topics.
Vulnerability and shame can play a role in the dynamics of marriage, and it's important to create a safe space for discussing sensitive topics.
Resilience and overcoming resentment in marriage require facing negative thoughts and feelings, addressing traumas, and implementing boundaries.
On the Xtended Version ...

There are 2 common attitudes people approach marriage and relationships with - an attitude of entitlement or an attitude of exposure.

We explore them and how they play out in life today.

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Want To Be Wanted But Don’t Want To Want #669

In this conversation, Tripp Lanier joins me as we discuss the importance of self-reflection, understanding self, and overcoming resistance.

We explore the impact of scripts, narratives, and parts in our lives and the need to integrate different aspects of ourselves. Our conversation also dives into the balance between love and boundaries in relationships and the power of acceptance and forgiveness.

We wrap up by discussing the importance of taking personal responsibility for our happiness and finding a balance between meeting external expectations and honoring our true selves.

Learn more about Tripp here - https://www.tripplanier.com/



Takeaways

Self-reflection and understanding are key to personal growth and overcoming resistance.
Integrating different aspects of ourselves leads to wholeness and a deeper sense of self.
Balancing love and boundaries in relationships is essential for maintaining an open heart.
Acceptance and forgiveness, both of self and others, are powerful tools for healing and growth.
Taking personal responsibility for our happiness allows us to create fulfilling relationships and lives.

Enjoy the show!

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Procrastination and Resistance | Tripp Lanier #668

In this conversation, I'm joined by Stacey Sherrell and Rachel Faccio from Decoding Couples.

We have a great conversation about the transition from normal married life to intimacy, the importance of creating margin, and the different desire levels in a relationship.

We also explore the role of initiation and rejection in sexual activity, as well as the significance of character and emotional intimacy. Our conversation emphasizes the importance of communication, playfulness, and understanding each other's desires and boundaries.

Learn more about Decoding Couples here - https://www.decodingcouples.com/

Takeaways

Transitioning to intimacy requires communication and understanding of each other's desires and boundaries.
Creating margin between different roles and responsibilities is crucial for a healthy sex life.
Initiation and rejection play a significant role in sexual activity, and it is important to navigate these dynamics with empathy and understanding.
Building emotional intimacy and connection is essential for a fulfilling and enjoyable sex life.
On the Xtended Version ...

In the XTD content, we discuss the importance of initiation and communication in relationships.

We each explore how initiation plays out in our own marriages and the challenges we face. We also discuss the power of intimacy school and the importance of understanding the difference between sex and sex with a partner.

Enjoy the show!

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Hostage Taking #522

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