How to change other people (hint: you can’t)

Today’s podcast episode comes from a podcast listener. She asks: 

I am wondering if you have any strategies for how to help move people to a place of readiness to change?

I have been doing a lot of work on myself over the past two years and am feeling so much better in my life and I notice myself wanting to spread this joy to others and show them they too can feel better!

There is one person in particular in my life who I am very close to who is raising two daughters who I am even closer to. I find it very hard to sit back and watch her suffer due to her lack of skills with dealing with difficult emotions, social anxiety, and control issues. I know she is definitely not ready to change from previous conversations. She immediately shuts down any time someone tries to hold her accountable for her part in problems, uses silent treatment with them, takes no ownership for her actions and shows no awareness that all signs point to her having significant social anxiety. My heart SO wants to help this person. It is more difficult watching the pattern begin to repeat itself in her daughters. 

I know logically that there is nothing I can do because people have to be ready to change. And I have to let go of the attachment that I can "change someone". But I guess I am hopeful there are ways to support someone in moving towards being ready to change. 

How does one gently increase a person’s awareness? 

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in a situation where you KNOW you can help someone or at least point them in the direction of helping them out.