When someone tells us their story, our first impulse is to ask questions. Our second impulse is to analyze or focus on specific parts of their story. Our third impulse is to try to “fix” what’s already happened in their life. Our fourth impulse is to tell parts of our own story that correlate with theirs. Our fifth impulse is to tell other people’s stories that correlate with theirs. At every turn, don’t.

Absolutely resist the temptation to say anything. Just listen. Even when you’re shocked by the intensity of their story, including their anger directed at God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, Christianity and the Church.  Instead of being shocked or offended by such expressions of anger, bitterness, and even hostility, it’s important that we remain unshockable, unoffended, and non-defensive.

That means we don’t say anything. We simply accept that part of their story “as is” with all the emotions and freight it carries.  As my dad likes to say, God isn’t shocked, surprised, or disillusioned with their story. He never had any illusions in the first place. Neither should we. 

This is Andrew Palau.