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Season 2 Episode 8: Inside the Mind of a Divorce Attorney: What Makes Couples Split?

Rachel Borntreger, a Florida board-certified marital and family law expert, reveals the hidden patterns behind modern divorce in this illuminating conversation. Drawing from over a decade of experience working with couples at their breaking point, Rachel offers a rare glimpse into what's really happening when marriages fail.

The primary culprit? What Rachel calls a "power imbalance" - where one partner carries a disproportionate burden in the relationship. Whether it's managing a career while also handling household responsibilities and childcare, or feeling financially dependent and yearning for independence, these imbalances breed relationship-destroying resentment. Most fundamentally, Rachel observes that failed communication underlies most divorces, with couples neglecting to regularly revisit crucial conversations about their goals, finances, and parenting approaches.

Women initiate divorce significantly more often than men, particularly in their 40s - a time when careers are established, children are more independent, and many conclude they've "tried hard enough" to make the marriage work. Perhaps most surprising is Rachel's counterintuitive insight about high-conflict divorces: "They love each other so much when they are constantly fighting." This aligns perfectly with the therapeutic perspective that indifference, not hatred, signals the true death of a relationship.

For couples hoping to avoid divorce, Rachel recommends treating marriage like a business partnership with regular "check-ins" about finances, goals, and expectations. And for those navigating divorce, she emphasizes building a comprehensive support network including therapy and possibly medication, while maintaining realistic expectations about what attorneys can provide versus mental health professionals. Listen now to gain invaluable wisdom that could help strengthen your relationship or navigate its end with greater clarity and compassion.

Dr. Jenna and Dr. Nari are the Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists behind the  Coupled Podcast. They both have private practices where they work with individuals, couples, and families in Florida. The two are ready to shake up the world of couples therapy and want to extend resources beyond the couples they see in their private practices. 

If you like this episode and want to know more about taking the next step to improve your communication, connection, and intimacy, head over to our websites to learn more about our Staying Coupled and Getting Coupled courses. These online courses give you the flexibility to improve your relationship from the comfort and convenience of your home. The Staying Coupled course is for couples who want to do the work to connect, communicate, and have the healthiest relationship possible. The Getting Coupled course is for premarital couples wanting to learn the essentials for a successful marriage. Topics in both courses include the main issues couples face:

1. Communication​
2. Family Boundaries
3. Family Finances
4. Sex
5. Family Planning
6. Division of Labor
7. Couple Activities

For more information, visit drjennascott.com/courses or drnarijeter.com/courses

Disclaimer: This podcast is not a substitute for therapy. If you’re struggling, we encourage you to seek support from a licensed therapist in your state. Our relationship suggestions and content may not be applicable or advised for relationships with intimate partner violence (IPV). If you need resources, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233.