Why can’t I leave? What is this crazy ride I am on? One minute I want out so badly, but the next I am fighting to stay. Do I want to stay? Do I want to go? Why can’t I make up my mind? What is wrong with me?

There is nothing wrong with you! You have been a victim of an incredibly powerful manipulation tool called intermittent reinforcement. I am going to describe that tool today and tell you why it has such a strong effect on you and so many other victims.

Intermittent reinforcement is the delivery of rewards at irregular intervals. It is a game of sometimes I validate you and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I reward your positive behavior and sometimes I don't. You, the subject, do not receive a reward each time that you perform a desired behavior. The inconsistent rewards cause us to work harder to get the reward. We pursue it with much more enthusiasm, paying extremely close attention to signs of progress. When it finally comes, the hard earned reward releases huge feelings of relief and success inside of us. And once achieved, the process begins all over again.

I’m Renee Swanson, your host of the CN podcast. Thank you so much for joining me today. If you are in need of some guidance through this nightmare, please reach out to me! I offer both group and individual coaching. You can learn more at my website www.covertnarcissism.com. You can email me at [email protected]. I look forward to hearing from you.

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I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.

• Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone? 

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Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse

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