How often have you heard masculinity described as “toxic”, “fragile”, or “in a crisis”? JJ Bola - writer, former youth worker, and UNHCR Ambassador - tries to go deeper in understanding how society is failing boys and men.

In this episode, JJ Bola describes masculinity as a performance that we require boys to learn; along the way stifling their individuality and emotional health. Different societies have different myths about masculinity, and JJ Bola is able to draw on his experiences as a Congolese man growing up in London to show how diverse these ideas are.

If we could discard the performance of masculinity and allow boys to grow up free and to be who they are, we are likely to see the benefits in love and sex, politics, competitive sports and mental health. 

JJ Bola was born in Kinshasa in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. He grew up in London and has written two novels - No Place to Call Home and The Selfless Act Of Breathing - as well as three collections of poetry - Elevate, Daughter of the Sun and WORD -  and a non-fiction book about masculinity and the patriarchy, Mask Off: Masculinity Redefined.

This week’s episode takes a slightly different format: Andrew interviews JJ Bola at the annual MANN SEIN conference in Berlin, an international gathering to talk about masculinity in today’s world. 

Follow Up

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Find out more about the MANN SEIN annual conference in Berlin/online.

Read JJ Bola’s books: Mask Off: Masculinity Redefined, No Place to Call Home, The Selfless Act Of Breathing and Refuge (which collates his 3 volumes of poetry).

Follow JJ Bola on Twitter and Instagram @JJ_Bola

Listen to Andrew’s other conversations on masculinity:

⭐️Jed Diamond PhD on “Your Personal Creation Story”

⭐️Joe Horton on “Men, Fathers and Meaning”

⭐️Matthew Fray on “How Good People Mess Up Their Marriages” 

⭐️Warren Farrell PhD on “The Boy Crisis”

Get Andrew’s advice on creating real change in your life and relationships in his book Wake Up and Change Your Life: How to Survive a Crisis and Be Stronger, Wiser and Happier

Andrew offers regular advice on love, marriage and finding meaning in your life via his social channels. Follow him on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube @andrewgmarshall