Here we are with another triangle: perfectionism, fear of jinxing things and trying to control outcomes. They all interplay and it looks something like this… to have what you want (i.e. a happy relationship), you feel you must attain perfection to ensure that outcome, and you’re afraid of doing something wrong to jinx it. To pre-empt the potential loss of that happy relationship, you hide who you are.

If you believe you’re single because you aren’t perfect, then meet someone, you may think it’s because you’ve moved closer to perfect. You’re afraid of jinxing things so you hold back information about yourself. Gotta keep up that perfect appearance to hold onto the new relationship! The problem is you are still anxious and insecure inside, waiting for the bottom to fall out. You seek that quick fix validation from your partner that he/she isn’t going anywhere, but the relief is only temporary. The antidote to this triangle is openness.

When you’re focused on controlling an outcome, you may think you’re open but you’re really not. That outcome keeps your perspective limited. When all of your actions are working toward trying to achieve a certain feeling, get clear on the feeling you’re chasing. Being open means taking action that MIGHT jinx things. Opening yourself and upsetting the apple cart is how you break this pattern.