Do you have a resentment account? You know, similar to a savings account where you fill it up with all your angry deposits. Maybe you’ve been adding to it a lot lately—that happens in attached relationships—but I guarantee you’ve been contributing for much longer. It starts building from a young age, with all the hurt and pain of things not going your way. Instead of connecting with those feelings, you turn them into blame and make frequent deposits into your account. But the interest paid isn’t the good kind. When resentment compounds, it can lead to a life filled with perceived misfortune, misery and emotional disconnection.

Resentment wreaks havoc in relationships. If you’re with someone who doesn’t make you a priority, yet you can’t seem to leave, it can lead to moments of rage. You’re beyond pissed, feeling he/she owes you for the pain they’ve caused. You may even stay in the relationship because you have so much invested; you’re waiting for the payoff. It’s time for them to turn things around and finally give you what you want. You’ve earned it, right? Nope, you will never get a return on that investment of sacrifice, over-giving, and victimization. And guess what? You’re in that relationship because you’ve chosen to be there.

With each new relationship you may not be aware that you carry your resentment account with you, unless you decide to empty it. As with most things in life, it’s a choice. Own it and stop blaming your partners. Resentment will never lead to a happy relationship. No one owes you, and no one can ever compensate for your choices. To get rid of resentment, you need to look at it. What are you angry about? Where do you feel robbed? What were you not given as a kid that you needed? Can you look back and see the imperfections and frailties of the people who “failed” you? Believe it or not, life is working FOR you, not against you. When you truly believe that and take responsibility for choices, you can empty your resentment account and actually start living.