David Waldman delivers us to the weekend, which is back to being just another day of chaos before the two days of chaos before he returns.

Ever think about Donald Trump’s… future after politics? Following his election loss in 2020, D would have been lucky to get the plot next to Ivana. Now, he’ll be buried like a Pharoah, to better pwn the libs. America’s Greatest Hugest Traitor might still be considered Confederate President Jefferson Davis, but how much have you heard about Jeff lately? While visiting the Trump pyramids, be sure to check out the 200 ft. tall bronze Kevin Roberts shovel. At least all of this will occur long after we’re all gone, 2028 maybe.

All of this will be paid for with the bitchange found between Elon Musk’s couch cushions. Newbie KITM Correspondent Brian Henry reports that the fate of the entire world hinges upon the Elon Musk-Peter Thiel pissing match, which is odd, as both agree that the world should be ended. Wait. Is the world’s richest man, also the world’s most powerful? Yes! No! FU!

D has picked his criminal lawyers for key Justice Department posts which is appropriate, considering that they are also his criminal lawyers… Just don’t snitch to the FBI! 

President Caligula has selected Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to head the department of health and human services, based on the same criteria that he selected his previous cabinet, that is who can destroy that particular department most effectively, along with who would be the best fit in the monthly White House orgy lineup.