David Waldman counts the days up from the future leader of the free world’s felony conviction as we count down the days until the words felony and conviction legally require quotation marks. In 29 days, there will be the first of several attempts to drown the government in a bathtub. However, there’s only hours until the weekend!

Years before D lied to his voters, he just lied to people. Matt Gaetz was of course lied to, and of course part of a bigger lie. The truth will come out when Matt finally wears out his usefulness. Notorious dog rustler and foreclosure fraudster fluffer Pam Bondi will now find Gaetz’ cabinet member Botox and spray tan discounts, along with maybe a little something extra in her Christmas stocking, maybe a lot of something if she plays her cards right.

Marjorie Taylor Greene has now stuck around long enough to become the doyenne of Congressional headcases and announced liaison to the super-geniuses at the Department of Purging Excellence. Sure, Marge is a moron, but how smart does one need to be, to be Elon’s federal rubber stamp and designated waterboarder of Anthony Fauci?

Do you know how RFK Jr. falsely denied his connection to a deadly measles outbreak in Samoa? He lied. Get over it, like you’ll be getting over a lot of things soon. A Trump judge canceled the overtime pay for millions coming in for the millions calling in sick.

Meanwhile, droves of Haitians flee their shithole country… to return to Haiti.