Abuse of any kind is entirely inconsistent with God’s plan for marriage, as described in Scripture. Today Dr. David E. Clarke returns to the podcast to debunk reasons that godly women give for staying with their abusive spouse. Dr. Clarke has counseled so many spouses who have been taught that God wants them to remain with an abuser, so today he explains a clear, biblical basis for separation from an ungodly, unrepentant, narcissistic, or dangerous spouse. Listen to learn about confronting the lies that keep you with an abuser.  Episode highlights include:   Many wives will stay for the kids’ sake. Is that good for the kids?   How to know if the spouse is truly committed to change   Advice for a spouse who stays because they do not have a job or income of their own   Differences between addressing normal marital issues and dealing with abuse    We pray this episode is helpful to you and your marriage.  *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    RESOURCES  Get Dr. Clarke’s book,  20 Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser  Find all of Dr. Clarke’s books and his many helpful resources at DavidEClarkePhD.com We believe a world full of awesome marriages will change the world! Our Marriage Changers get instant access to each monthly resource we create, and much more. Click to learn more about membership! Scripture references from today’s episode:   1 Corinthians 7:15,  Matthew 18:15-17,  Romans 16:17-18  1 Corinthians 5:9-13  1 Samuel 25  If you are unsafe in your marriage, please contact https://www.thehotline.org/ or  800.799.SAFE 

Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541

Far too many couples are just surviving their marriage when it was meant to thrive. This is the place for practical tips on how to build an awesome marriage. Our passion is to help you strengthen your marriage.

Dr. Kim Kimberling hosts the show. Dr. Kim is the President of Awesome Marriage, has been married for 53 years, and has been a professional counselor for 40 years. He is the author of 7 Secrets to An Awesome Marriage and 14 Keys To Lasting Love. 

Dr. Kim is joined by co-host Lindsay Few, Content Director for Awesome Marriage. She has been married for 20 years. Her husband is a church planter, and they love ministering to married couples together. 

Tune in each week to hear practical ways on how to have an awesome marriage!

This podcast is brought to you by the ministry of Awesome Marriage.

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When does an unhealthy marriage become an abusive marriage? Where can you go when you need to get out? In today’s episode we hear part 1 of Kathy’s real marriage story. Kathy shares how she came to believe that divorce was the most God-honoring option in her situation, and how she found safety after 30+ years in an emotionally abusive marriage.  We are so grateful to Kathy for generously sharing her story. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     Dispelling myths about who falls into abuse    Why marriage counseling does not work in abusive marriages   How Kathy learned her marriage was abusive   Why she stayed as long as she did, and why she later divorced       *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    This previous episode defines a clear Biblical perspective on abuse:     Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541       QUOTES   “I want to debunk the myth that abused women are poorly educated, lower income, women who can easily be taken advantage of. That’s just not accurate.”  - Kathy McAtee Young    “Within the first year, I knew we had trouble…” - Kathy McAtee Young     “Marriage counseling does not work if there’s abuse involved. I know that now.” - Kathy McAtee Young    “Most people who are narcissists are really good at it.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling    “You have this idea that, ‘If she could fix all these things, then I wouldn’t be this way.’ That’s the blame shifting.” - Kathy McAtee Young    “The heart of abuse is power and control. Everything else is tactics.” - Kathy McAtee Young   

Escaping an Emotionally Abusive Marriage: Kathy’s Story | Ep. 608

Do you fight fair, or do you wish there was a referee to call a stop to the foul play when you argue with your spouse? Ground rules are an important step toward having healthy marriage conflict, so today Dr. Kim will spell out how to make sure you’re fighting fair in your marriage. We want to empower you to fight fair, and resolve issues in a kind and loving way.  If you need help to fight fair and truly resolve issues without making things worse, you will love today’s conversation.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     The DOs and DON’Ts of fighting fair    The side effects of unhealthy conflict    A healthy way to “let it all out”    Can honesty go too far?  How do you know?    Tips to the reconnection process - how to make up well      *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  QUOTES   “We both learned we needed to reconnect and apologize, but sometimes we werent’ ready to take that step at the same time. We had to learn that somebody needs to take the step. It doesn’t really matter who started the fight or who was wrong.”    “Taking responsibility is huge. Owning your part in it, even if you think you only did 10%, you still did 10%.”   “What are you sorry for? Be very specific in what you did and why you're taking responsibility.”   “I say it a lot: One of the best gifts you can give your marriage is to learn how to resolve conflict.”    Forgiveness and apologies need to have no strings attached. It’s just that I choose to do this.    We’re not just trying to clear a slate so our spouse stops bugging us. Have you repented before the Lord? That’s where this starts.    We are accountable to Him before being accountable to our spouse. Did I just treat my spouse in the way He would have me treat them? If not, I need to take that up with Him      QUESTIONS FOR YOU   When you really think about it, how did it affect your spouse when you had this conflict?    Repentance. Learning from the mistakes made and committing to work on them together.      MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar    Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.    If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.    TODAY is the last day for our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle! Don’t miss the chance to get 7 of our most-loved resources for 1 donation of ANY amount in support of the ministry of Awesome Marriage! Get all the details here!      

Ground Rules to Help You Fight Fair & Make Up Well  | Ep. 606

Sick of the same old fights over and over with your spouse? Learn to de-escalate marriage fights and resolve issues in a healthy and helpful way. Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it is what matters most. Learning to deal with it well will benefit your marriage in so many ways! Tune in today to learn how.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:     Common conflict pitfalls to avoid   The problem with “winning” marriage fights    Tips to help you break the fighting cycle   What to do if one spouse is not ready to reconnect    DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:   Are you stuck in a conflict cycle? If so, work together to identify what’s triggering it.    Choose 1 tip from Dr. Kim’s list below that you will both agree to use this week.    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  QUOTES   “When we try our best to avoid conflict, we’re not really equipping ourselves with the skills to handle it well.” - Lindsay Few    “Awareness gives you some insight that can really be useful.” Dr. Kim Kimberling    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Learn more about how to make your marriage conflict healthy by joining Dr. Kim for the 8 Guidelines for Fighting Fair Webinar    Our Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet is your quick guide to get marriage conflict on the right track.    If you’re ready to learn how to do conflict well, the Conflict Resolution Guide helps you diagnose the problem areas in your marriage, then learn the steps to resolve them.    It’s here! Our 7 Most Popular Resource Bundle is LIVE! That means you can get 7 of our most-loved marriage building resources by making 1 donation of ANY amount to support the ministry of Awesome Marriage! The bundle is available for a limited time only. Get all the details here!      

How to De Escalate Marriage Conflict & Resolve Issues | Ep. 605

Learn how conflict can create a deeper connection between you and your spouse. Today’s special guest, marriage coach Dana Che is very open about the struggles her marriage faced. In today’s episode she shares her marriage story, what got them through, and how you can use the conflict you face in marriage to draw you toward deeper connection.    We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:     What we can learn from our conflict triggers   How to deal with different conflict styles in marriage    Steps to break generational cycles in your marriage    The power of speaking life to our spouse and our marriage    How being emotionally unavailable tends to show up in husbands and in wives & what to do about it       *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES   “As a wife, I knew I couldn’t change my husband … but that didn’’ keep me from trying.” Dana Che    “When you actually engage in conflict, you can start to learn more about your spouse, what’s important to them.” -Dana Che     “You’ve got to feed the right things if you want to change the wrong things.” - Dana Che    “Just like you learned that bad behavior, you can unlearn it and learn something new.” Dana Che    “True repentance is visible.” Dana Che    “What we believe, we will begin to speak. What we speak, we will begin to behave.” Dana Che     QUESTIONS FOR YOU   What does your most recent marriage conflict reveal about what’s most valuable to you?       MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Find more from Dana at DanaChe.com, where you can take her “Connection Check” quiz    Listen to the “Real Relationship Talk” podcast    Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd!     

Learn to Turn Conflict Into Connection with Dana Che Williams | Ep. 604

Why do Christians need counseling? Isn’t the Gospel enough to transform us? We hear these questions fairly often. Today Dr. Kim and special guest Jason VanRuler dive deeper into these questions and the conversation about the role of therapy and counseling in a life devoted to following Jesus. Don’t miss this helpful conversation! We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:     How often do clients have no idea that they haven’t gotten past their past?    Unexpected ways your past might be showing up & affecting your marriage today   Updating the negative messages we believe about ourselves    The effect of vulnerability on our marriage connection    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    QUOTES   “Where there's a disconnect in relationships, it’s often a disconnect from the system we witnessed growing up and what we’re trying to make happen today.” - Jason VanRuler    “When we get comfortable, the old ways seep out to the surface.”  - Jason VanRuler    “Every time a client says a negative message about themselves, I ask, is that the message you think God gave you?”  - Jason VanRuler    “One of my great joys is working with people to eliminate distractions so they can focus on the truth and live the life God has called them to.”- Jason VanRuler    “If we want to feel connected and we’re not feeling connected, a lot of times that emotional intimacy and depth is the missing link.”  - Jason VanRuler    “When we get vulnerable and honest, it attracts intimacy from our partner and we have a different relationship.”  - Jason VanRuler    “The marriage we want is often on the other side of vulnerability. We just don’t often know how to get there.”- Jason VanRuler     QUESTIONS FOR YOU    Do you recognize any ways you haven’t gotten past your past?      MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:    Get Jason’s book, Get Past Your Past    His site: https://www.jasonvr.com/   If you’re ready to heal your marriage from p*rn, join us for the “5 Steps to Healing After P*rn Betrayal” LIVE webinar.  Joining Marriage Changers now means you score a huge haul of marriage-building goods when our annual *7 Most-Popular Resource Bundle* goes live on April 2nd!   

Lies That Keep You With Your Abuser with Dr. David E Clarke | Ep. 541

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