When I think about long-distance dating, I don’t just mean overseas or interstate. For me, even meeting someone who lives an hour to 90 minutes away has felt like a kind of long distance. Living in a regional city near Melbourne, I’ve noticed that dating is simply harder when you don’t have the abundance of choice that a big city offers.

And while an hour doesn’t sound far on paper, in reality, it means no spontaneous coffee dates, no last-minute movie nights. Every meeting has to be carefully planned, and one person ends up clocking two to three hours of driving. That really limits how often you can see each other, and the cost starts to add up too.

I’ve even had a couple of first dates where the man booked a hotel for the night because he’d be driving so far. And it’s happened more than once, with different men. But let me be clear: I wouldn’t go back to a hotel on a first date. I don’t want that pressure, and I think many women feel the same. It creates an awkwardness we shouldn’t have to navigate when we’re just meeting someone for the first time.

I’ve also had a taste of true long-distance dating—the kind where states separate you. Years ago, when my daughter was a toddler (I was a single parent from when she was three weeks old due to family violence issues), I met someone online. We were smitten. We’d talk until 2 a.m., laughing and connecting like soulmates. After weeks of this, I drove to Melbourne to see family, and we arranged to meet. I was buzzing with excitement.

But when we did, it was a complete letdown. No spark. Not even a flicker. If anything, it was negative spark. We were both crushed. I’d poured so much time and emotional energy into the connection that the disappointment was overwhelming.

That’s the risk of long-distance: until you’re face-to-face, you really don’t know.

I’ve also watched friends navigate it. One woman I know has been in a three-year relationship with someone overseas, and they’ve never met in person. They FaceTime every day, which sounds romantic in a way, but after three years? My gut says something isn’t right. Surely someone could have gotten on a plane by now.

Of course, there are success stories—people who relocate, marry, and build beautiful lives together. But those stories usually involve a clear plan. Someone makes the move. The “someday” becomes reality. Without that, it’s easy to get stuck in limbo, pouring love into a screen instead of a life shared side by side.

For me, I know what I want now. My kids are teenagers, glued to their devices despite my best efforts to get them off (some days I want to smash their iPads with a hammer, lol). That means I actually have a lot of time to give to the right person. I want a local relationship, someone I can cook dinner with or snuggle up with on the couch for Netflix. And eventually, I want to live with someone again. Love doesn’t need to be complicated—I want it to feel lived-in and close by.

Here are some things to think about if you’re considering long-distance dating:

💡 Ask yourself: is there a realistic plan to eventually live in the same place?

💡 Be cautious about investing too heavily before you meet in person. Online chemistry doesn’t always translate offline.

💡 Set boundaries for first dates if travel is involved. You don’t owe anyone more because they drove or booked a hotel. Or even took a flight.

💡 Weigh the emotional cost. Is the waiting, the missing, and the planning worth it to you?

💡 Stay open, but also be honest about what you truly want—a local relationship, or one that requires distance.

At the end of the day, love is always a bit of a gamble. Long distance just raises the stakes. If you’re considering it, do so with eyes open, a plan in mind, and your own needs at the centre. Because the right relationship won’t feel like a burden—it will feel like home, whether that’s across town or across the world.

So tell me…

What’s your experience with long-distance dating?

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Love

Ayesha