5LQ Episode 450: Carey and Toni Nieuwhof

In this episode of the 5 Leadership Questions podcast, Todd Adkins and Ben Mandrell are joined by Carey and Toni Nieuwhof, author of Before You Split. They discuss the following questions:

* An overview of your background* How did being in the pastorate affect your marriage and this book?* What was the transition like going from being lawyers to being in the ministry?* What was your viewpoint like as Carey's spouse?* What tips do you have on starting to attack this problem instead of watching it wither?

BEST QUOTES

"Leading up to my burnout there was a lot of strife in our marriage." - Carey Nieuwhof"There were times where our personal struggle was so intense that it was hard to be at church on Sundays - for both of us." - Toni Nieuwhof"At the end of the day, emotional maturity is spiritual maturity and emotional immaturity is spiritual immaturity." - Carey Nieuwhof"It was a real bone of contention between us that there was so much success outside of our home but so much tension between us." - Toni Nieuwhof"If you are winning at work, but you are losing at home, you are losing." - Carey Nieuwhof"I want the people closest to me to be the people most grateful for me." - Carey Nieuwhof"One of the problems that I've seen is the natural human tendency to be blinded by a victim narrative." - Toni Nieuwhof"The problem with the victim narrative is that it allows us to take ourselves off the hook." - Toni Nieuwhof"Leadership is so hard, our marriage was hard, and what I would do was look for the one thing I could control." - Carey Nieuwhof"Whatever you can do to bring down the conflict level and take some of the intensity out of what is going on between you relationally is a great first focus, but that's something you may need a counselor's help with." - Toni Nieuwhof"Your spouse cannot bear the weight of being your only friend." - Toni Nieuwhof

RECOMMENDED RESOURCES

Lifeway Leadership Podcast Network

Lifeway.com/CoronaVirus

Before You Split by Toni Nieuwhof

Didn't See It Coming by Carey Nieuwhof

The Emotionally Healthy Church by Pete Scazzero

Smart Family Podcast