Moving Beyond “Fair” to Build a Great Relationship with Nate and Kaley Klemp

11.21.2022 - By Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson Play

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These days couples often shoot for 50/50 in their relationships: an even split of responsibilities in the home or at work. But 50/50 often leads to fights over fairness, and this fixation on fairness can be the death of many relationships.

On this episode of Being Well, Forrest and Dr. Rick are joined by Nate and Kaley Klemp to explore how we can build fun, fulfilling, and truly equitable relationships. Topics include Nate and Kaley’s early relationship struggles, different models of relationship, breaking out of old patterns, and how we can manage situations where one partner really is contributing significantly more than the other.

About our Guests: Kaley Klemp is an executive coach and expert on small-group dynamics, and Nate Klemp is a bestselling author and founding partner at Mindful, one of the world's largest mindfulness media and training companies. Together, they’re the co-authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship.

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:45: Nate and Kaley’s personal relationship as a basis for their work

5:30: Three different models of relationship

9:30: Two pillars to 80/80 - mindset and structure

12:20: How a 50/50 dynamic caused problems for Nate and Kaley

19:20: The conscious or unconscious division of roles

21:30: Gratitude and generosity

25:40: Parenting, shared success, and being on a team

32:15: Getting your partner’s buy-in, reveal and request

39:50: Underlying beliefs and power imbalances

44:20: Creating structure (and data) to have difficult conversations

49:30: Distinguishing a reluctant partner from an unwilling partner

52:05: Key skills that distinguish successful couples

56:10: Recap

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