Byron Katie and Susan Stiffelman talk about The Work and parenting teens, tweens, children, and grandchildren. They briefly discuss Katie's new book, A Mind at Home with Itself, the hair-raising, inspiring story of Katie's first year after her awakening experience. What is The Work? The Work makes it clear that the cause of our suffering is not what happens to us; it's what we believe about what happens. SS: My suggestion to parents is to slow down and stay as present as possible with the truth of what our child is going through, not the superimposed story of what we think the child is experiencing. The Work is an incredible tool for helping us be present. BK: Yes, it quiets the mind so that we can listen and get enough understanding to really connect with our children--enough to grasp what they are saying as opposed to what we think they're saying. We have no idea what kids are going through, even when they tell us. So my only job as a parent or grandparent is to really listen to them, and to love love them. Love is the power. SS: What about when children get sassy, mimic us, or roll their eyes at us? BK: If one of my grandchildren mimicked me, it would give me a look at myself. I would get to see how I sound to them and how I look to them. If I don't like that mirror, it shows me how not to approach my grandchild. They are always teaching me. I'm not teaching them; it's the other way around. So it's always about being a student. If we really heard ourselves, we'd understand why our children don't want to listen to us. Can we really listen to them? That's the question. —Byron Katie © 2017 Byron Katie International, Inc. All rights reserved. For more information, visit thework.com

Our Children Parent Us-Byron Katie and Susan Stiffelman

Byron Katie, founder of The Work, has one job: to teach people how to end their own suffering. As she guides people through the powerful process of inquiry she calls The Work, they find that their stressful beliefs—about life, other people, or themselves—radically shift and their lives are changed forever. Based on Byron Katie's direct experience of how suffering is created and ended, The Work is an astonishingly simple process, accessible to people of all ages and backgrounds, and requires nothing more than a pen, paper, and an open mind. Through this process, anyone can learn to trace unhappiness to its source and deal with it there. Katie (as everyone calls her) not only shows us that all the problems in the world originate in our thinking: she gives us the tool to open our minds and set ourselves free.

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A man at the 6 September LIVE--At Home with Byron Katie event reads his stressful thought to Byron Katie and the audience. "I am angry and disgusted with those who support the current administration." This thought usually occurs to him when he's reading an article or some comments on Facebook. Katie brings him back to the moment when he is reading. "How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought, and you're reading an Op-Ed?" "Very tight in the throat and chest," says the man. "I want you to know where you feel it," Katie says, "so that the physical reaction can remind you to look to what's going on in your mind. What images of the future do you see when you're believing this thought?" "Environmental devastation, people with no access to education or doctors, people being silenced for having alternative beliefs, and basic 1984 fear," says the man. "The 1984 image is of the past in your mind," Katie says. "I want you to know why people often say, 'Be here now.' You're reading and you see what is not happening now; it's a case of imagination witnessed in your mind's eye. And you see future fearful images. You become upset yourself as you witness false past and future as a movie in your head. Who would you be without those thoughts, images of past/future?" "I'd be Forest Gump," says the man. "I'd be happy. I'd be a much more sane and calm person." "So is it really those of us who are supporting the current administration who upset you, or are you just sitting in an internal movie upsetting yourself?" "I'm absolutely just sitting there upsetting myself," says the man, laughing. "And then others take the blame." "I guess I'm kind of trying to rule the world." "I'd drop the 'kind of,'" Katie says. (Audience laughter.) "Now how would you turn your thought around?" "I'm disgusted with myself for assuming all of these things about people I don't know anything about." "The way you have identified yourself, you're up here and we're way down here," says Katie. "We seem to be who you believe us to be. "Another turnaround," the man says. "Thank you for supporting something I don't believe in, so that I can learn a different way of looking at it." "A clear mind is a beautiful mind," says Katie. "Can you find another turnaround?" "I'm not disgusted with anybody, because that's insane," says the man. "I love your open mind," Katie says. "That tight feeling in your chest will always let you know when your mind is closed." When the man gets to statements two to six on his Worksheet, he is astonished that he now feels embarrassed to read them. "What we are thinking and believing is the cause of all suffering. No administration has the power to cause you stress or ultimately take your freedom from you." —Byron Katie Website: http://www.thework.com Webcasts: http://www.livewithbyronkatie.com Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/theworkofbk Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie Twitter: https://twitter.com/ByronKatie © 2018 Byron Katie International. Inc.  All rights reserved.

I'm Upset with Supporters of this Administration

Iñaki describes to Byron Katie how he becomes fearful when he understands that thoughts create his world. "Walking down the street," Iñaki says, "I understood that my thoughts create the world I experience. Then it felt like an abyss was opening around me, like a pool of nothingness. With this feeling came fear. Fear of nothingness, of dissolution, of disconnection, fear of being alone in a cold and unfriendly universe, like an astronaut cut off from his spacecraft and the world, lost in the nowhere." "The moment you fear what you perceive as the abyss," Katie says, "you frighten yourself back into this false world that you see as safe. So there's nothing enlightened about it; it's just one more terrifying thought. No different. But it's enough to keep the ego strong and identified. So let's prepare for that unfriendly universe. Get still, and imagine yourself as that astronaut. There's no way back, no help. You're drifting away. You're never going to see another human being or get help. And you're not even going to die. This is forever. What do you want in that moment?" "I want to feel safe." Iñaki says. "Other than what you're thinking and believing, are you safe?" Katie says. "Yes," Iñaki says, laughing in recognition. "Someone said, 'Imagination is everything.' Your imagination frightened you, not the abyss. The abyss has a terrible reputation. It's so beautiful. And what I love about the abyss is that it's an opportunity to do The Work. What is truer: "I shouldn't trust this?" or "I shouldn't trust my thoughts about this?" Whenever we believe our thoughts, we're out there in the abyss. 'The abyss is cold, terrifying, empty, forever, disconnected.' One turnaround is: your thoughts are cold and terrifying; they would keep you from such a beautiful experience. The next time you're in the abyss and frightened, capture what you are thinking and question it. After questioning it, the abyss just becomes another place to be still. All you're going to discover when you're alone is yourself. With people--without people--fear is fear. You know how to question it. And people, like the abyss, are your imagination. Just like the abyss, we are not who you believe us to be." The abyss is the same as the earth. Pure imagination. --Byron Katie Website: http://www.thework.com Webcasts: http://www.livewithbyronkatie.com Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/theworkofbk Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie Twitter: https://twitter.com/ByronKatie © 2018 Byron Katie International. Inc.  All rights reserved.

How to be Safe in the Abyss

Jo-Jo from Hercules, California asks, "What if the Santa Barbara shooter had had the chance to do inquiry, to challenge the thoughts that led him to kill people? Perhaps he wouldn't have done what he did." "If I have no cause to kill. why would I kill?" Katie says. "Every time we do The Work and question the thoughts that cause anger and separation, we lose the ability to do harm, because we are taking care of original cause, which is the mind and what it's believing." "Is it possible to do The Work as a community for Elliot and for kids who are not able to discover the questioning of their minds, so maybe they won't harm people?" Jo Jo asks. "If that shooting is of concern to me," says Katie, "then I'm going to do The Work on that shooter. I'm going to question every judgment I have about that shooter from the moment I first heard about him. I'll put those judgments, what I'm thinking and believing, onto the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet. And then I'm going to give myself what I want the community to have. And if I don't find peace with it, I'm going to do another Worksheet. I'm going to call a Certified Facilitator of The Work, I'm going to call the Do The Work Helpline. I'm going to go to the School for The Work. I'm going to go to thework.com and follow the simple directions. I'm going to give myself everything I want the community to have. Then I'll call the community together and invite them to do The Work. Some of them will come, some of them won't, but you're serving the community just through the invitation." "Is it possible to do The Work for Elliot and other mass murderers, even though they're gone?" Jo-Jo asks. "To do The Work on him is to shift that," Katie says. "Do The Work as him. Put yourself in the place of someone who is so bitter, so angry at women, and what he might have been thinking and believing in order to do such thing. You'll recognize thoughts there, whether they were his or not; you'll be sitting inside the mind of a murderer. That's in all of us. "When you do The Work on him, you'll find the murderer in you, and when you do The Work as him, sitting in that car just before he went in to do the deed. By doing that you're going to clean out everything you don't want in this world. Once that's cleared out, there will never be a mass murder that will upset you again. When you're really clear, he could be aiming at you or at your nieces and nephews, and you will not be alarmed. You will be of service instead. There's nothing more powerful than peace. And it's so exciting." In the clarity of awareness, you're unlimited. --Byron Katie Website: http://www.thework.com Webcasts: http://www.livewithbyronkatie.com Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/theworkofbk Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie Twitter: https://twitter.com/ByronKatie © 2018 Byron Katie International. Inc.  All rights reserved.

How to Find Peace After Another School Shooting

In this fascinating discussion between Byron Katie, John Tarrant, and Stephen Mitchell, the three take a deep dive into similarities between The Work and Buddhism, and how these were woven into "A Mind at Home with Itself." John begins, "In Katie and Stephen's new book, Stephen translates and makes very accessible one of the great wisdom texts, the Diamond Sutra, while Katie responds to this text from her inner quiet. Deconstructing your thought forms and what mind is believing is a practice common to Zen Buddhism and The Work, with its four questions and the turnarounds." "I loved interacting with the Diamond Sutra," Katie says. "Stephen would read me a chapter and then ask me to respond. After hearing it, I always felt that I wouldn't add anything or subtract anything. Stephen encouraged me to respond by asking me questions. It was such a beautiful experience." Stephen explains, "My intent was to make the Diamond Sutra text transparent so that the Buddha mind could shine through; accessible, here and now, and radiant. My intent was also to bring Zen and The Work together, because we've found that each practice enhances the other. For people doing Dharma practice to learn to question specific thoughts that are causing impediments is of enormous benefit, and likewise, meditation practice, deepening one's stillness and ability to focus, has great benefit for people practicing The Work." "Yes," says John, "and there are similarities between the Dharma and The Work as transformational practices. One is the understanding that reality is more profound and beautiful than my maps or thoughts about reality." "Inquiry is a way to test that over and over and over," Katie says. "Through the four questions and the turnarounds, we begin to wake up to the mind as creator of all. That all of the apparent outside really is inner." John quotes an ancient Chinese Zen master: "'Zen directly points to the human mind without reference to words or scriptures.' And of course, scriptures like the Diamond Sutra say that. So inquiry into the nature of mind becomes a practice. There's really nothing wrong with having a thought, but you can be curious as to whether it's true or not. So there's a question mark that happens with it. You're not trying to get rid of it or contradict it; you're just wondering about it." "Yes," Katie says, "there's an excitement about it when each thought ends in a question mark. It's 'Is it true?' without experiencing the actual words. It's that open, brilliant, fearless state of mind where you come to understand and appreciate the true nature of everything." "In a way, that's a practice," John says, "because as soon as I start believing something, I can be pretty sure that it isn't true, because our thoughts are hypotheses about reality. Mainly we think we are our thoughts in a naive sense. We think the world we've made of our thoughts is something we're compelled to live in." Any reaction I experience is an invitation to inquiry--an invitation to experience the questioning of thought. --Byron Katie. John Tarrant, Roshi, teaches and writes about the transformation of consciousness through meditation on Zen koans (existential questions than can't be answered through rational thinking). Byron Katie shows us how to question the thinking that causes all the suffering, revealing the peace and wisdom within every one of us. Stephen Mitchell's many books include the bestselling "Tao Te Ching," "The Selected Poetry of Rainer Maria Rilke," "Gilgamesh," "The Gospel According to Jesus," "The Book of Job," "The Second Book of the Tao," "The Iliad," "The Odyssey," and "Beowulf." Website: http://www.thework.com Webcasts: http://www.livewithbyronkatie.com Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/theworkofbk Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie Twitter: https://twitter.com/ByronKatie © 2017 Byron Katie International. Inc.  All rights reserved.

Discussion of "A Mind at Home with Itself" with Byron Katie, Stephen Mitchell, and John Tarrant

A woman from Denmark asks, "How do you know when it's time to make changes? You get to love everything as it is, but still, Katie, you make changes, for instance, you left Paul, your ex-husband. So I'm confused, because I am happy and content, but I still feel a need to change my life. I can always find a way to love what is, but then am I not being true to myself?" Byron Katie answers, "I didn't change my life; I lived a yes to my own heart's desire. Even though I was married to Paul, I found a deeper marriage: to my inner voice. So I became only answerable to that. The only thing that could stop me from living out of that was fear. Love is a fearless state of mind. I had no other reason except that yes to leave Paul. I began to travel and was very rarely home. That was too much for him. He naturally began to make another life for himself, and I'm grateful for that. So the change came from inside. If you're afraid to make a change, write your fearful thoughts on a Worksheet and set yourself free to make change, or not. "There are no do's or don'ts. Inquiry is about the end of suffering. It's freedom to ask anything of anyone, and then trust that they'll say yes or no. Freedom doesn't look the way we think. It's just a natural flow of words, and humor, and life. I know there is this precious place of no past and no future. The Work can open us to that. This precious place is always there. It's always to be trusted, unfailingly." As the mind changes, life changes. --Byron Katie  Website: http://www.thework.com Webcasts: http://www.livewithbyronkatie.com Subscribe: http://www.youtube.com/theworkofbk Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/theworkofbyronkatie Twitter: https://twitter.com/ByronKatie © 2017 Byron Katie International. Inc.  All rights reserved.

Our Children Parent Us-Byron Katie and Susan Stiffelman

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