Parenting With Purpose, Not Guilt | Date Your Wife | EP 072

In today’s episode, Garrett and Danielle tackle the topic of parenting after just returning from an epic family vacation in Maui. As much as they love spending time together as a family, there’s still guilt that comes as they juggle creating & building their business empires with raising and spending quality time with their children.  *This is a previously aired episode from February 27, 2018. Every week married couple Danielle and Garrett J White share insights and perspectives from within their own lives regarding the following topics discussed each month: Week 1: Sex Week 2: Money Week 3: Parenting Week 4: Communication In This Week’s Podcast….PARENTING Point #1: Mommy and Daddy Guilt Garrett: I was stuck inside the story that everything I was doing was fucking up my kids and messing with their future.  As a businessman this is a real killer because we are so busy with our businesses, how do we deal with the guilt and shame of not showing up as a father in a way that is actually connected or makes you feel good? Danielle felt guilty as a mom, especially when she was a younger mom micromanaging everything and always feeling like she always had to be there for her kids. Many women have a really hard time spending money or time on themselves, which can make going out on dates with their husbands extremely stressful, especially when you have really young kids. QUESTION How has playing the guilt card suffocated your relationship? What are some ways you can begin letting go and freeing yourself of guilt and shame? Point #2: Out of the Mouths of Babes During the podcast, their 11-year-old daughter makes a surprise appearance via telephone, candidly answering questions posed by her parents. When asked about vacations as a family: “I think it’s important because you get time off from work and get to spend time with us for a whole week instead of just seeing us after school, after your Date Nights, or in the morning.”  Danielle has fought hard for the vacations. She sees them as a time to reconnect as a family, create memorable experiences for everyone, and as a way to establish family traditions. QUESTION What are some of your favorite memories of family trips or vacations you have taken? Point #3: Fulfillment Comes From Purpose Garrett and Danielle both have a Purpose beyond each other and a Purpose beyond their parenting. That Purpose fulfills both of them individually, then that individual connection with themselves connects with each other as a couple, and that ‘couple love’ spreads down into their children. As they are more often on the same page, and more ok with the idea of who they are as individuals, this has opened up the possibility for their children to see a new path for living. At the end of the day, parenting is about role modeling how to live. The one skillset that you should give your children?  How to powerfully live the truth of who they are. QUESTION What Purpose have you found for yourselves individually beyond your relationship or children? How can you support each other in living that more fully? Point #4: Make Time For Each Other We have this faulty belief system that says my marriage must come secondary to the raising of my children. We think that somehow the raising of our children will happen with more power from a couple that’s disconnected, doesn’t love each other, aren’t having sex, and are not communicating. While in Maui, about 90% of the couples staying at the Four Seasons were in their late 50s and 60s, completely bored with and disconnected from each other, and questioning if they even wanted to stay together. They had lost themselves inside of the focus on their children. QUESTION What can you begin doing in your marriage to prevent yourselves from becoming a statistic when the kids are grown?  Point #5: Date Night is Non-negotiable Danielle wasn’t always a passionate advocate of Date Night. Garrett had to fight for what has now become normal inside of their relationship: weekly Date Nights. He cautions men that it’s not going to be easy at first – you’re going to have a wife that is dealing with all of the guilt and emotions surrounding the stress of leaving the kids with a babysitter, not to mention reconciling the cost of the entire evening. Gentlemen, take charge and make this shit happen! Don’t make Date Nights negotiable. Put your crown on, pick up your shield & your sword, and fight for the shit required to put your relationship back on track. A couple of resources to help you with that: care.com and warriorbook.com QUESTION When was your last Date Night? Communication Challenge: Discuss the actions you feel inspired to take after listening to today’s podcast. Date Night Topic: 1 – Go on a Date Night to schedule Date Nights. 2 – Have a conversation about the guilt that you may be experiencing individually and as a couple. Quote of the Week: “I would have you consider that the greatest parenting you could offer your children is to demonstrate a great relationship with your partner. You want to be a better father? Then date their mother. You want to be a better father? Then make love to their mother. You want to be a better father? Then show them the example of what it is to be a man fighting for a relationship and for a marriage.” —Garrett J White “You chose to get married. You chose to have a family. There’s connection with  your spouse and there’s connection with each of your children. You will always be their mom, but you’re not always going to be their parent. As you find some Purpose and Passion in your life, it’s not going to take away from anything that you will give your kids. In fact, it will give more to your kids. Allow yourself permission to let go of that guilt and find something for yourself.” —Danielle K White