Episode 33 - Part 1 : Family Enstrangement: Choosing to run and cutting your losses
Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License
https://www.inc.com/minda-zetlin/estranged-from-your-family-heres-why-you-should-stop-feeling-guilty.html
- Do you have family members you choose not to see or speak with? If so, you probably feel very sad about that, especially at a time of year when most families gather together. But if you're also feeling guilty over it, it's time to stop.
- It's more common than you think.In a British survey from 2014, 19 percent of respondents reported that either they themselves or one of their relatives had no contact with the family.
- You probably have a good reason.Most of the estranged people stay away from their families or individual family members to save themselves from dysfunctional situations or behavior. If you're estranged from your family, it probably isn't something you did lightly.
"All in all, punishment hardens and renders people more insensible; it concentrates; it increases the feeling of estrangement; it strengthens the power of resistance." - Friedrich Nietzsche
- Even a seemingly stupid reason may really be a good one.We've all heard about family members who stop speaking to each other over strikingly minor matters. But these things are never as simple as they appear. The breaking point was simply the final item in a dispute that had been going on for years.
"No one is willing to acknowledge a fault in himself when a more agreeable motive can be found for the estrangement of his acquaintances." -Mark Twain
- You probably gave them plenty of chances to make things better.Estrangement doesn't usually happen as a result of one big argument. It takes years for someone to break contact with a family member or family members. It happens gradually, with the family member reducing contact over time before cutting it off altogether.
"I think it's much more radical to see and show things as they look instead of making them somehow subversive through alienation." -Wolfgang Tillmans

Episode 33 - Part 1 : Family Enstrangement: Choosing to run and cutting your losses

Real lessons from a suicide survivor and advice for life. From a 2-time suicide survivor and advocate for realistic optimism

Health

Alternative Health

Self-Help

Sexuality

Fitness & Nutrition

Episode 38 - Part 4: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value
Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License
- I asked my boss for a raise but he said I didn't deserve it so I sent him my resignation letter. Now he is asking me to stay with a higher salary. Should I accept his offer? The experts will tell you - never - never - EVER accept a counter-offer. Your resignation has already placed you in the outer circle and you will remain there forever. Just leave. 
- Want to know the best way to cover this? If you know the company likes you and your work, present them with the following: “You know, over time I’ve received a lot of offers to join other companies. I’m not really interested in any of them. I’m happy here. I like the company, the work, the direction we’re going, and I know the company can’t match some of these offers. I get it. All I’m saying is, my wife and I discuss these things, and she’s aware of the money I could make at these other companies. It’s a lot of pressure. My question is, even if the company can’t match any of those offers, could the company close the gap a little? If not, I totally understand. You’re running a business and will pay me what you think I’m worth. Let me know your thoughts.”
- In this, we are appealing to their priorities without threats, resignations, or ultimatums. We are recognizing their priorities while sharing a reality - other companies think I’m worth more. We’re also showing we are committed to the company’s goals - we’re not interested in leaving and we are happy here. We’re also showing a spirit of cooperation in not requiring a “match” - just a bump. 
"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. " -Eleanor Roosevelt
- The first time I said this to a boss, I told him what I was being offered and he whistled. “We can’t match that.” - I said “I know, and like I said, I’m not asking you to. I’m just wondering if you can close the gap a little. If that’s my market value, seems you would want to take a stab at closing the gap. I’m happy here. I’m not interested in leaving.”
- Every time I’ve tried this, the boss worked out a raise for me. Life went on and we went on to do a lot of things together. Non-threatening. No destroyed trust. No extortion. Asking for a raise isn’t particularly an art form. You need to think like your boss thinks - what are his priorities, goals objectives
"I rebel; therefore I exist. " -Albert Camus

Episode 38 - Part 4: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value

Episode 38 - Part 3: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value
Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License
- So, what can you do if you are stuck in a dead-end job?
“The most important thing is to take responsibility for your job quality and success,” Reynolds says. “Don’t blame a company for your situation. Rather assess honestly, take action and, thoughtfully, purposefully go where you can flourish.”
- Here are eight additional tips: Speak up. If you’re in this quagmire and haven’t spoken up, now is a good time. Some employees avoid all challenging communications with their supervisors and could have enjoyed the upward mobility they sought. Know how much effort is worth putting forth; what will be your return on investment? 
- Create a personal document to examine what can be done, if anything, to improve your current situation. Beware of hastily trading one set of problems for another
"Time is a created thing. To say “I don’t have time”, is like saying, “I don’t want to”. -Lao Tzu
- Identify a compelling future for yourself and use it as a motivator to take action. A positive impetus is healthier than a resentful one. Better to move towards buying that cool car you’ve always wanted than walk away from the rust-bucket that’s literally been driving you crazy without an alternative.
- Continue doing your job well. If you’ve decided to look for a new job, keep doing your best work in your current position. You don’t want to burn bridges, especially if you’ll need good references.
- Identify your strengths and weaknesses. Identify the things about your current job that would be useful to take forward into your next move and write down your successes. There are always good points, learning and achievements to draw upon from any situation. Also figure out what you could improve before you start searching for new opportunities.
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That’s why dreamers are lonely." -William Faulkner
- Gain experience outside of the office. If your dead-end job doesn’t allow you to hone your skills, take a class to advance and develop the ones that will benefit you in the future. Self development is key. Another way to do this: Volunteer during your down time in an effort to further develop your leadership skills and résumé.
- Examine the risks that are associated with leaving your dead-end job. Be sure it’s absolutely the right decision before you make any big moves.
- Do your homework so that you choose well in your next job. You wouldn’t want to end up in another dead-end position. One way to do this: During job interviews, ask the employer about career development and advancement opportunities.
- If you find yourself stuck in your position, try to carve out 30-minutes a day to focus on new goals, ideas and aspirations. Jot down your goals and steps to work towards them. Many people stuck in dead end jobs have started or launched their small businesses on the side. Thirty minutes a day can be found in your commute, waiting in car lines, or traffic.
- Getting unstuck from a dead-end job is not about having a positive attitude, but about positive action. Don’t say there is no room for growth. Make new doors and explore new territories. Where there is no upward growth, go for lateral moves. Don’t wait for an acknowledgement; tell them and show them that you deserve better. It’s all about awareness, initiative and positive action.

Episode 38 - Part 3: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value

Episode 38 - Part 2: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value
Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License
-You’re not being compensated fairly. If you’re made to feel fortunate to receive a paycheck or that you’re being overpaid, those are red flags
"A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live." -Lao Tzu
-A machine can do your job. Your role is becoming obsolete, as the skills required are being replaced by technology.
-There’s no praise in sight. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to please. “If you move mountains for the company, the silence that follows is deafening” 
"We can see through others only when we can see through ourselves." -Bruce Lee

Episode 38 - Part 2: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value

Episode 38 - Part 1: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value
Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License
- Are you in a job where the only way to move up is to get out? Is your role becoming obsolete, as the skills required are being replaced by technology? Are your colleagues given opportunities that you’re not? If you answered yes to any of the above, there’s a good chance your career has come to a standstill. That’s right; you’re stuck in a dead-end job.
"Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay." -Simone de Beauvoir
- Almost everyone experiences this at some point in their career, says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant; How to Manage Childish Boss Behavior and Thrive in Your Job. “It is often difficult at first to discern if you’re in a stagnant position. The realization rarely happens overnight because oftentimes the employee has offered to take on more challenging assignments, but that falls on deaf ears. After hitting enough walls, however, you realize that those efforts and energy could be better placed toward a new job search.” Here are 20 tell-tale signs that you’re stuck in a dead-end job:
- Your work offers no change in routine; it’s very mechanical. This is perhaps what you’d be doing five years from now, and your career goals do not align with what you currently do.
- If your position feels static and you don’t see a way to earn further responsibilities or get ahead even after offering ideas on the subject, you’re probably in a dead-end job.
- Your skills are not being tapped. Your supervisor doesn’t tap into your skills set or go beyond what you’ve been contributing for quite some time. You may have been passed over for promotion – or your requests to take on more challenging projects have been ignored.
- They’re not interested in your career goals. You are not being asked about your professional goals or future plans
"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power." -Mary Pickford
- They don’t support your career plan. You are asked about your goals and plans, but the boss pays no attention to them or doesn’t support you in reaching them.
- You’re subject to unfair treatment. You notice your colleagues are getting opportunities you don’t get, says David Shindler, author of Learning to Leap and founder of social learning site, The Employability Hub.
- You’re not challenged. You feel unchallenged by your job, your boss, or your co-workers with no welcome avenue to change things, Reynolds says.
- Your thoughts and contributions are not valued. Your voice is no longer heard and your opinions are no longer valued, Shindler adds.
- You can’t get time with the boss to move projects forward. Your projects seem to get lost in the abyss. Essentially, you are being ignored out of a job; e-mails go unanswered and you’re lucky if you catch your boss in the restroom.
"The best way to predict the future is to create it." -Abraham Lincoln
- No change in pay, title or tasks. You have been doing the same work for more than one or two years without a promotion, increase in pay, or increased responsibility. While some people may enjoy working on the same tasks, a tell-tale sign of a dead-end job is employees who are not being offered advancement or new training.
- You get that Monday morning feeling nearly every day. What you used to enjoy doing is no longer enjoyable. No enthusiasm to get up and go to work is a sign you’re in a dead-end job.
- Attempts to change or improve your job are not welcomed. If you’ve tried reinventing yourself at the company, modifying your job description or proposed a lateral move to no avail, then it’s time to look elsewhere.
- Your values and the firm’s values are not aligned. Maybe there are cultural differences; clashes in environmental aspects of its operations; civ

Episode 38 - Part 1: working and getting sucked in without considering your future and/or value

Episode 37: Part 5 - Invest in yourself and your brand - who are you, like really?
Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. CohenFrom the Free Music ArchiveReleased under a Creative Commons Attribution International License
https://www.thebalancesmb.com/creating-and-growing-personal-brand-2295814
- Personal branding is the process of developing a "mark" that is created around your name or your career. You use this "mark" to express and communicate your skills, personality, and values.
- Why Personal Brands Are for Everyone. Personal brands should be important to everyone. Personal brands are not only for the entrepreneur that owns their own business. It is the secret sauce that can make you stand out of a stack of resumes.
"A brand is the set of expectations, memories, stories and relationships that, taken together, account for a consumer's decision to choose one product or service over another."– Seth Godin
- A strong personal brand will impact your ability to get the right jobs, promotions, and increase your ability to attract talent and capital. So, let's look at these tips that can help you in creating your own personal brand:
- Build Your Platform. If you are going to have a personal brand, you will need a website to create your virtual platform. Your website should be your name. You will also need social media accounts that represent your brand. You will use these platforms to share your voice.
- Identify Your Uniqueness and Your Strengths. Think about the characteristics and strengths you've built in your career. If you are stuck, think about that "one thing" that everyone says you rock at. If you're still stuck, ask others.
- Own Your Space. Once you've identified your uniqueness and strengths, perfect them. Learn all that you can and become the expert in that area. You can never stop learning. Read, absorb, and teach.
"If you want to be truly successful, invest in yourself to get the knowledge you need to find your unique factor. When you find it and focus on it and persevere your success will blossom." -Sydney Madwed
- Share Your Knowledge. It's not enough to learn it; you have to teach it and share your knowledge by helping others. This is where you prove you know your stuff and gain exposure from doing so.
- Be Yourself. Find your own style. You don't have to do what everyone else is doing and just follow the crowd. Use your style and uniqueness to attract the jobs and clientele that you desire. Find your own style and create a new set of footprints for others to follow in.?
"Personal development is the belief that you are worth the effort, time and energy needed to develop yourself." -Denis Waitley
- Identify Your Values and Set Your Priorities. It's important to have a clear picture of your personal and professional goals, both short and long-term. This will help you to not only identify the most important things to spend your time on but will also have something to align new projects with.
- Identifying your emotional appeal. What are your personality features? This can be as easy as saying you have a crazy sense of humor or that you are obsessively organized. Take a few moments, why do you think people are attracted to the brand of you?Describing yourself. When it comes to your brand who are you and why do people enjoy working with you?
"At the center of your being you have the answer: you know who you are and you know what you want. "– Lao Tzu
-Building a personal brand takes time and effort, but it's worth it. The need for a personal brand will continue to increase. It's the one thing that no one can take away from you, and it can follow you throughout your career. 
"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do." - Henry Ford

Episode 33 - Part 1 : Family Enstrangement: Choosing to run and cutting your losses

Download our free app to listen on your phone